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6 Ways to Stop Dwelling On It by Naomi Barr

2012-02-17T10:25:00.000-08:00

6 Ways to Stop Dwelling On It
By Naomi Barr
O, The Oprah Magazine

Stop dwelling on it
It's 5 p.m., the deadline for an important work project is at 6, and all you can think about is the fight you had with the next-door neighbor this morning. You're dwelling, says Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, PhD, a professor of psychology at Yale and author of Women Who Think Too Much. "It's natural to look inward," she says, "but while most people pull out when they've done it enough, an overthinker will stay in the loop."

Ruminating regularly often leads to depression. So if you're prone to obsessing (and you know who you are), try these tactics to head off the next full-tilt mental spin cycle...

Distract Yourself
Put on music and dance, scrub the bathtub spotless, whatever engrosses you—for at least 10 minutes. "That's about the minimum time needed to break a cycle of thoughts," says Nolen-Hoeksema, who's been studying rumination for more than 20 years. Or choose something to focus on. "A friend told me that she once started counting the number of times the speaker at her conference said 'like,'" Nolen-Hoeksema recalls. "By the time he finished, she'd stopped ruminating."

Make a Date to Dwell
Tell yourself you can obsess all you want from 6 to 7 p.m., but until then, you're banned. "By 6 p.m., you'll probably be able to think things through more clearly," says Nolen-Hoeksema.

3 Minutes of Mindfulness
For one minute, eyes closed, acknowledge all the thoughts going through your mind. For the next minute, just focus on your breathing. Spend the last minute expanding your awareness from your breath to your entire body. "Paying attention in this way gives you the room to see the questions you're asking yourself with less urgency and to reconsider them from a different perspective," says Zindel Segal, PhD, co-author of The Mindful Way Through Depression.

The Best and Worst Scenarios
Ask yourself...

"What's the worst that could happen?" and "How would I cope?" Visualizing yourself handling the most extreme outcome should alleviate some anxiety, says Judith Beck, PhD, director of the Beck Institute for Cognitive Therapy and Research in Bala Cynwyd, Pennsylvania. Then consider the likelihood that the worst will actually occur.

Next, imagine the best possible outcome; by this point, you'll be in a more positive frame of mind and better able to assess the situation more realistically.

Call a Friend
Ask a friend or relative to be your point person when your thoughts start to speed out of control.

How to Move On
Say, "Oh well."

Accept that you're human and make mistakes—and then move on, says Dr. Beck. Be compassionate. It's harder than it sounds, so keep practicing.

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/6-Ways-to-Stop-Dwelling-On-It#ixzz1mfHm0eqg

Finding Real Happiness by Martha Beck

2012-02-16T19:20:00.000-08:00

The Plains of Peace: Real Happiness

True joy lacks the wild ups and downs of an excitement-based life. It's a peaceful landscape, filled with peaceful thoughts and peaceful emotions. Indeed, it's so peaceful that, to our adrenaline-soaked culture, it looks rather plain. In fact, I like to think of it as the plains of peace.

You can probably look back on times that didn't seem very memorable when they were happening but that stand out in retrospect for their sweetness: floating in the ocean on a summer day; seeing the sun set as you drove home from work; picking berries in the country with friends. Relive those moments—the sound of the surf, the breeze on your face, the taste of salt on your lips, the gentle rocking of the water—and you'll see that they're rich, layered, and powerfully sustaining to the soul. Beagles, who wag their tails over every small joy, seem to recognize these moments continuously. Humans, not so much.

If you worry that your life is lacking in events so exciting they'll make your head spin like an industrial food processor, I have good news: You can relax. The best way to increase genuine joy is to stop searching for manic highs and instead explore the plains of peace. Happily, you're in the perfect place to begin: this very moment.

How to Be Here Now

People started telling me to "be here now" when I was about 20. "Great!" I responded. "How?" Be still, they said. Breathe. Well, fine. I started dutifully practicing meditation, by which I mean I tried to be still while compulsively planning my next billion-watt wow. But one day, while reading up on the latest research in positive psychology, I discovered a two-word instruction that reliably ushered me onto the plains of peace when I couldn't force my brain to just "be still." Here it is: Make something.

You see, creative work causes us to secrete dopamine, a hormone that can make us feel absorbed and fulfilled without feeling manic. This is in sharp contrast to the fight-or-flight mechanism, which is associated with hysteria hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. Research indicates that we're most creative when we're happy and relaxed, and conversely, that we can steer our brains into this state by undertaking a creative task.

To get a dopamine "hit," make something that pushes you to the furthest edge of your ability, where you're not only focused but learning and perfecting skills. Cooking an unfamiliar dish will do the trick, as will perfecting a new clogging routine. At first, depending on how addicted to mania you happen to be, the excitement-grubbing part of your brain won't want to stop obsessing about over-the-top experiences. It will cling to its fantasies about the next huge thrill, its fears of Suicide Tuesday. Keep creating.

As you persist, your brain will eventually yield to the state psychologists call mindfulness. Your emotions will calm, even if you're physically and mentally active. You won't notice happiness when it first appears, because in true presence, the mind's frantic searching stops. In its place arises a fascination with what's occurring here and now. Though this feeling is subtle, it's the opposite of dull. It's infinitely varied and exquisite.

The aftermath of a creative surge, especially one that involves a new skill, is a sense of accomplishment and increased self-efficacy—which psychologists recognize as an important counter to depression. Instead of a Suicide Tuesday crash, you're left with the happy fatigue of someone who is building strength.

Pay attention to this process, and you'll see that the motivation to be here now will gradually grow stronger than the cultural pressure to seek excitement. You'll find yourself increasingly able to tune in to the delights of the present even when you're not actively creating. When this happens, you'll be on your way to genuine happiness: abundant, sustainable delight in the beautiful moments of ordinary life.

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/How-to-Find-Lasting-Happiness-Finding-Joy-That-Lasts/2#ixzz1mbbz1ew4

Problem-Solving By Marcus Buckingham

2012-02-13T18:55:00.000-08:00

Strong Life Plan:Problem-Solving
By Marcus Buckingham
October 26, 2009

Solving problems
When we look at many aspects of our lives, our instinctive reaction is to pay attention to the deficits of the situation, to focus on what's wrong. When you ask people, "What is the most effective way to solve a problem?" 83 percent say, "Find out what is wrong and fix it." This "Deficit Attention Disorder" merely serves to amplify problems rather than resolve them.

A more productive and positive approach looks like this:

1. Define the problem as objectively as possible. Leave out any judgments. Simply state the facts as if a video camera were replaying the issue to you.

2. Because attention amplifies everything, focusing on the source of the problem will inevitably make it worse. Detach yourself from the problem. You are not fixing it; the problem is simply showing you something.

3. Change follows the line of your questioning. Instead of asking, "What's wrong?" ask, "What does it look like when it's working?"

4. Define three steps that you can take to shift the situation toward the imagined future that your question helped you create. This is the best use of your energy. Ensure the steps allow you to use identified strengths or will help you create strong-moments.

5. Look for evidence that your steps are having the intended result. Keep asking "What's working?" and focus on further expanding the success of your intent. The problem will shrivel.

When problems do occur, don't analyze them, break them down and ruminate over their meaning. They don't mean anything. They just are. Shift your focus to what working looks and feels like and then dedicate your energy to manifesting that. Problems don't magically disappear, but they do transform when you focus attention on generating a positive vision.

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/money/Strong-Life-Plan-for-Solving-Problems#ixzz1mJyBnBaN

Don't Give Up On That Dream By Leigh Newman

2012-02-13T18:46:00.000-08:00

Don't Give Up On That Dream
By Leigh Newman
February 09, 2012

tiny little thing you were meant to do
Yale Center for British Art, Paul Mellon Collection
As life goes on, it may finally dawn on you: You're not going to win the Olympic gold in figure skating or discover a new species of toucan in the Brazilian rainforest. But there are other valid insane dreams, says columnist Leigh Newman, that you absolutely must pursue.

1. The Dream of the (Tiny Little) Thing You Were Meant to Do

Look, we all know what I was meant to do: sing jazz in a Paris club (except that I can't sing) or write a novel (except I tried that—it didn't work) or become a large-animal country vet (except I'm too old to go to vet school, and also word on the street has it that it's harder to get into vet school than medical school). At times, the big yucky struggle of our life direction and purpose (which, by the way, is the most important struggle in our lives) is just too big and yucky to contemplate. Take a day off. Figure out the tiny little thing you were meant do. My friend Rachel was meant to dance in nightclubs. At age 42, she goes out once a week and shakes it until 3 a.m. in Minneapolis. My friend Marie was meant to look at paintings and just walk around admiring them on her Saturdays off. My mother was meant to take hot baths with scented candles. (Not just everybody can do this either; I find hot baths scalding, confining and panic-inducing.) Find your one tiny little thing and make it a big part of your existence.

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Dreams-You-Should-Never-Give-Up-On/1#ixzz1mJvwHy7w

Find the Blessings in Every Challenge

2012-02-02T12:43:00.000-08:00

Find the Blessings in Every Challenge
February 2, 2012
By Taryn Galewind
The Wisdom of Carlos Castaneda

Cliches are cliches because they continue to be true — and in every dark cloud there truly is a silver lining. To find the silver, or the blessing in your challenges, shift your perspective. Carlos Casteneda wrote that we might need to balance the terror of being alive with the wonder of being alive.

Old Carlos was a Peruvian-born American author, an icon of the hippie generation. His first published writing, The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge, was his anthropological Master’s thesis at the University of California, 1968. He wrote about his experiences learning from a Yaqui Indian sorcerer, and reading his work is kind of like going on a vision quest. Critics later called his writing fiction, but controversy aside, he understood the bonds between adversity and blessings.

Carlos thought we should shift our thinking to meet challenges with pleasure and joy, even if they try to knock us on our derrieres. For example, my friend’s home went into foreclosure last year. Having struggled with a heavy mortgage for several years, her husband’s health deteriorated and then she lost her job. First reactions? Fear. Panic.

She soon found anxiety didn’t help, so she set it aside to focus on one piece of her puzzle at a time. Long story shortened, she and her spouse purchased a distressed property, used their small resources and huge energies to rehab the house, and are about to move into a comfortable, pretty home with no mortgage.

We can all conjure up feelings of terror, anxiety and defeat when life seems to slap us upside the head. It’s a natural reaction; you knock a knee with a mallet and the knee wants to jerk. But suppose you think about the hit. You might control the direction your foot kicks or even prevent a reaction. When a challenge comes your way, planning and creative thinking can uncover the blessings, or teaching moments, behind the adversity.

How can you move from panic to an understanding of the silver lining?

Calm down. Breathe slowly, deeply for a moment. Quiet your brain. Take no action at first. The blessing may be better health.

Gather all information. Find out the who, what, where, when, and why of what you’re facing. Study until you understand the problem. The blessing could be a bit of enlightenment.

Figure out what your choices are. Use "if this then that" logic like scientists do. Identify your choices, define the outcomes, select a good choice and test it. The blessing here? Maturity and wisdom.

Ask for help. Put aside your fear of criticism and seek help where it’s needed. Blessing? You might build ties and bonds with good people.

Be patient and let things you can’t control unfold naturally. You’ll be blessed with spiritual growth when you don’t try to wrestle fate to the ground.

If you cannot fix the situation, accept it with dignity and open your spirit to what comes next. You can be blessed with all sorts of new experiences, choices, and lessons.

Shift your thinking and your point of view. If you don’t recognize a blessing because you’re stuck on making things turn out the way you want them to go, you may lose significant opportunities.

Recognizing blessings behind adversity means acknowledging that life is full of risks, but payoffs can be delightful. Little kids learn, as they explore their small world, that bumps and bruises will come. They keep exploring because the joy of finding new skills or new mischief readies them for the next challenge.

We all know a cliche that speaks of blessings in disguise. Our job may be to roll up our sleeves and rip off those disguises. Harriet Beecher Stowe said, “When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, never give up then, for that is just the time when the tide will turn.”

Trust Your Life To Unfold Perfectly by Martha Beck

2012-01-27T14:31:00.000-08:00

Your Best Life Is Waiting
Martha Beck shares her four-step process to get your life back on track. Stillness, truth, desire, trust...what area of your life do you need to work on the most? Take Martha's quiz!
By Martha Beck
O, The Oprah Magazine
January 01, 2006

Step Four: Trust Your Life To Unfold Perfectly

Why Trust Is Crucial
The way to let go of your soul's desires, to achieve nonattachment, is not to go into "martyr mode" and expect a life of blunted appetites or unmet needs. Letting go is the natural result of trust—trust that the Force, or God, or whatever you want to call it, fulfills its own nature by answering your soul's requests, once you have articulated them. To sit patiently with a yearning that has not yet been fulfilled, and to trust that, that fulfillment will come, is quite possibly one of the most powerful "magic skills" that human beings are capable of. It has been noted by almost every ancient wisdom tradition. If you can master it, you'll see your soul's desires being filled in ways that are often amazing, and sometimes flat-out miraculous.

Obstacles to Trust
One morning during the Miraval Spa contest-winners' retreat, I knew all the women had received certificates telling them to come get a free outfit from New Balance. When I asked them how they liked their new outfits, I discovered that every woman in the room had thrown away the gift voucher, because they assumed they would be charged for the clothes.

This became a touchstone experience for me, one I've thought about a thousand times since. Here the universe (in the form of a generous company) was trying to give these women a beautiful, free gift, and they were turning away from it without even knowing it was being offered because of their assumption that it would cost too much. If they had trusted their own eyes, they would have seen that the outfit was a gift. Instead, they trusted their pain, their disappointment, their hard-knock lessons that life is difficult and nothing's free. We all have many such experiences. We take away assumptions that all of life is painful, and that we can expect the same bad treatment from the world we may have experienced in limited situations during our childhoods or difficult adult years.

How to Trust
The inability to open up to hope is what blocks trust, and blocked trust is the reason for blighted dreams. Begin to hope again, then trust that your soul's desires are meant to be fulfilled.

You can start this with something small as an experiment. Choose a soul's desire that seems modest, like the desire to smell flowers or hear music. Make sure you identify something that's really coming from your core, but make it something fairly modest. Then, deliberately choose to trust that your wish will be fulfilled. Feel so sure of it that you don't even need the outcome, because you feel as if you already have it. Then watch and see. Be open to all ways in which your answer may come. Your trust will be rewarded.

I'm confident saying this because I've worked with thousands of clients over the years, and I've seen how trust works. It may mean an unexpected visit from a loved one, a chance to relax and have a quiet cup of tea, an opportunity to start your own business, the gradual unfolding of a childhood ambition.

A final exercise: Right now, make a list of every desire of your soul that has been fulfilled in the past. Then, taking each fulfilled wish one by one, recall the coincidences, strokes of "luck," generosity from other people or inspired ideas that helped you fulfill that desire. You'll find that your life has already been a linked chain of miraculous delights. And you have many, many more chains to come. Stillness...Truth...Desire...Trust...what area of your life do you need to work on the most? Take Martha's quiz!

More Martha Beck Advice

* 6 steps to see yourself more clearly
* Your guide to self-acceptance
* The best way to ask for what you want

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Your-Best-Life-Is-Waiting/4#ixzz1khUZjtRK

Survive a Confidence Crash

2012-01-27T14:05:00.000-08:00

Survive a Confidence Crash
January 27, 2012
By Taryn Galewind
Regain Your Self-Confidence and Self-Love

If you don’t love yourself, it’s impossible to love anyone else. Self-confidence, feeling that you are truly terrific and a very special person, is key to self-love. However, there isn’t a human who hasn’t suffered a flaming crash of confidence at one time or another.

You lose your job. You fail in a project that means the world to you. You and your best friend have a huge falling out. Your love life turns to dust. What do you do when you want to paint a big red “L” for loser on your forehead? Toss the paintbrush, and nurse yourself back to confidence health.

Acknowledge that you feel like day-old manure and wallow in self pity for exactly one day. Go ahead. Get a pint of decadent ice cream and a box of tissues. Spend all of Saturday brooding on how truly pathetic you feel.

Next, put away all that angst, no rehashing permitted. Take a luxurious bath, put on something you absolutely love to sleep in, and get a good night’s rest.

In the morning, gather your thoughts and figure out how the situation went awry. Consider, casually, how to avoid the same pitfalls in the future, but don’t pressure yourself.

“Whenever you are feeling stuck and are lacking confidence, you can go back and imagine and feel the joy associated with the times when you experienced success.” – Psychic Martisse ext. 5335

Get busy the next day or two doing things you like, especially things that benefit others. In bits and pieces, let your thoughts wander gently to how you feel. Acknowledge the feelings but don’t try to change them.

Set aside mandatory meditation time each day for the time being. Find an overcoming obstacles CD you can love. Use it in your meditation.

Set aside an hour to quietly write a written inventory of your finest points. Be very, very generous. Study the list and choose one or two you’d like to enhance.

“One of the most important things I remind people to do is count their blessings.” – Psychic Quinn ext. 5484

Find a friend you can trust with your deepest secrets and talk this all out. Tell your friend you’re not looking for solutions or for rescue, just someone to listen.

Write or find some affirmations you can tape to your mirror, load into your phone, and commit to memory. Say them every day until you’re back on track.

It boils down to being kind to yourself. Forgive yourself your mistakes—better yet, welcome them and see how they can help you grow. The best way to bounce back when your confidence is flattened is to bless yourself in the light of your value.

Open your eyes and open your heart to bask in the brightness of your self-worth. Give your soul a kiss.

The 5-Step Path to a Life of Love

2012-01-25T11:07:00.000-08:00

The 5-Step Path to a Life of Love
From: Lesson 21: Love Doesn't Hurt
By Deepak Chopra
November 07, 2011

Deepak Chopra, co-founder of the Chopra Foundation and co-author of the new book War of the Worldviews: Science vs. Spirituality, reveals how to create a life founded on the world's most generous and joyful emotion.

Love has arrived at a strange crossroads. It seems very odd to say, "I want to be more loving. Is there a scientist who can help with that?" But in modern life, our notion of love has shifted. More and more we are told—in magazines, learned journals and media reports—that love can be broken down into medical explanations, that it is produced by reactions in the brain, both chemical and electrical. We may wish that love is divine, ideal and life-transforming, the news says, but to be realistic, we should throw out our old, unscientific notions and learn more about what the brain is doing to us.

I strongly oppose such a view of love—in fact, it frightens me. On the spiritual side, there's a completely different and higher view of love, which goes something like this: Love is part of creation, woven into the very fabric of the universe. We love one another because we have tapped into nature at a deeper level. Yes, the brain is responsible for giving love its physical expression, yet ultimately, love comes from the soul.

A catchy phrase from an old pop song said, "Love the one you're with." Although you can journey outside yourself, the person to give your love to (and who, in return, must return that love), in truth, the one you are with every minute of the day, is yourself. The more rewarding way to find it is to go inward to the very source of love. If you do not do this, your love will depend on your mood swings, on how others see you and on the lovable and unlovable traits you see in yourself and others.

As soon as we measure people by what is lovable and unlovable, trouble arises. The unlovable person is labeled odd, an outsider, bad or an enemy. We create unhappiness instead. We practice nonlove, that voice inside that whispers in our ears, "They are different from us." Or, "Fight for what you want and don't quit until you win." Or, "When bad things happen to other people, it's their own fault."

We need to restore love as the key to happiness—a difficult task. That's why we need a spiritual path, so that we can walk away from nonlove and its confusions. Here are five basic steps that can lead you to a new life where everyone, most especially yourself, is worthy of loving and being loved.

Step 1: Believe in Love
When you say, "I love my work," or "I love my partner," you are expressing belief and showing faith in something outside yourself. As good as that is, even better is to have faith in love as part of yourself. When anyone asks me, "How do I find the right one?" I always give the same advice: To find the right one, become the right one. Belief in love is a spiritual kind of belief. It holds that love exists as a universal quality, outside ourselves, that can never be defeated, only covered over. Thus love and nonlove are not equals. Love is permanent; nonlove is temporary.

Step 2: Don't Limit Love to a Few People and Deny It to Others
It's very common to say: "I love my own children, and I love my neighbor's children. But when it comes to my kids, I love them more." That's perfectly understandable. But there's a spiritual teaching, going back thousands of years, which goes "The world is my family." If love is universal, no one can be left out. To leave others out of your love is the same as inviting them to leave you out too.

Step 3: Make the Search for Love an Inward Search
Often we feel loved and insecure at the same time. The one we love is somebody we invest in emotionally, and emotions, by definition, are changeable. The one you love may turn indifferent or worse. The problem here is a kind of illusion. When you take someone into your heart, it's like filling a hole inside. If that person should spurn and reject you, suddenly the hole reappears as a terrible ache. Yet the hole was always there, and only you can fill it permanently. Ultimately, the inward journey is about finding your own fullness, something that no one else can take away.

Step 4: Seek Other People Who Value Love As Much As You Do
There's an old tradition: If you want to be wise, be in the company of wise people. I'd say the same is true about love. If you want to know about any human experience, seek out those who have walked the path of that experience. In our society, we are embarrassed to talk personally about truth, compassion, faith and love. This inhibition is part of our insecurity. Think of spirit as a community; it's not a talent you develop like a teenager learning to play the guitar. Perhaps community is too big a word, however. Perhaps you can start by finding one person who is wise in the ways of love, who knows what it means to live at a deeper level. That's a wonderful step in the right direction.

Step 5: Believe in Love As a Powerful Force
The first four steps depend on this one, believing that love has its own power. This is a power to transform. It's a power that cuts through doubt, suspicion, distrust and even hatred. Unless love has its own power, there are too many reasons to act from nonlove. We see all around us people who madly pursue pleasure or money or status because they don't trust in love. Without such trust that love can make a difference, of course you will pursue surrogates. Pleasure, money and status are compensations when love is absent or too weak to transform your life. No one has to give up on such surrogates, but it makes a huge difference to know that they are nonlove. The power of love is that it dissolves nonlove. That's the kind of power you find on the spiritual path.

None of the steps is automatic. Each takes work and practice. But now, more than ever, it's all important to reinvent the spiritual side of love. The steps may not be easy, but they are not impossible either. You only need to follow them with all your heart.

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Deepak-Chopra-The-5-Step-Path-to-a-Life-of-Love#ixzz1kUyB4MlS

Taking Control!! by Judy France

2012-01-21T09:50:00.000-08:00

Taking Control!!

Taking Control is for people who want or need to take control over their own lives and weight loss and who want to do things their own way. Everyone is welcome here, so jump right in!

Basic Rules:
1. Pick your own eating and exercise plan.
2. DO NOT judge others for their diet and exercise plans.
3. STOP the negative self-talk. It does nothing to help you.
4. Post as often as you can. More posting equals more success.
5. Support other members.
6. No required weigh-ins or participation. You choose what you want to do. ALWAYS!

NOW MAKE YOUR OWN RULES OR ADD TO THESE. WHATEVER YOU DO, DO IT YOUR WAY!

What It Means to Love

2012-01-16T15:48:00.000-08:00

30 Amazing Facts About Love
January 16, 2012
By Psychic Agnes
Remember What It Means to Love (and Be Loved!)

Humanity always stands above all of Earth’s other beautiful creatures because of our wonderful capacity to love. Our affections and emotions lead us through a lifetime of enjoying and discovering boundless devotions. Love moves the human spirit and surrounds the heart that dwells within it. A passion that crosses the bounds of time is one of the best things anyone can ever find. Love is pure, purposeful, and amazingly quite unconditional. Most of us will climb mountains which are never high enough just to touch the magnificent thing that is love. Such unfiltered bliss is very difficult to resist. Therefore, it becomes the ultimate promise. Here is a list of thirty facts about love and the way love acts or reacts:

1. Love is a bond which pulls and clings together. It is capable of lasting always and forever.

2. Love is unlimited by time. It is imprinted to feel and remain current in one’s mind.

3. Love is more than a good feeling. It has the ability to beckon constant healing.

4. Love is manifesting in many ways. It shows emotional, mental, and physical displays.

5. Love is easy to recognize and acquire. It is fueled by open, honest, and true desire.

6. Love is instant and constant gratification. It lessens the harm of any difficult situation.

7. Love is the antidote to hate and dislike. It brings and keeps peace even if there is defeat.

8. Love is free, freeing, and freedom. It welcomes anything you wish to do or become.

9. Love is quiet and still when waiting patiently loses all will. It keeps focus on the feel.

10. Love is simple and plain. It doesn’t require much nonsense or playing emotional games.

11. Love is often the reason why we will give something a try. It is foolish, but doesn’t lie.

12. Love is who you are at your best. It soothes troubles and puts hard worrying to rest.

13. Love is like a friendly smile. Its duration can be short, but the impact lasts awhile.

14. Love is self-supporting. It has a way of understanding, ignoring, or reasoning anything.

15. Love is why we have the zeal to live. It allows us to start over, renew, and forgive.

16. Love is a reason to hope. It keeps you going, makes you strong, and helps us cope.

17. Love is seemingly somehow perfect. It surprises and advises, but shows respect.

18. Love is sure and securing. It protects, provides, and stays at your side.

19. Love is worthy of sacrifice. It chooses what’s wanted over something quite nice.

20. Love is nourishing to the mind, body, and soul. It makes your happiness its primary goal.

21. Love is submissive. It has no problem accommodating, comforting, or giving.

22. Love is happiness. It gives more than less, expects success, and wishes you all the best.

23. Love is the will to survive. It pushes you to fight for life and remain alive.

24. Love is faithful. It will commit and remain steady whenever it is ready.

25. Love is pure. It is natural, clear, and does not succumb to fear.

26. Love is painless and productive. It has panache and flair that is willingly seductive.

27. Love is beautiful. It can take just about anything and make it appear wonderful.

28. Love is contentment. It knows what it does and all that it has meant.

29. Love is proof and proved. It withstands anything and will not be moved.

30. Love is caring and kind. It gives so much, yet it knows just when to get tough.

Love is all of the above and so much more. It is a hallmark of humankind that we’ve known and experienced since the beginning of time. Our endeavors, dreams, and pursuits are often just means to getting to that most important feeling. Love simply encompasses everything, and its intrinsic worth is a blessing. Without love, I’d find it almost impossible to enjoy living. We all must determine for ourselves what love means, where it is found, how it is described, when it is present, and why it is important. I’ve just listed some of the facts I’ve learned during my lifetime. However, I think it is best to first love yourself and spread that love to someone else.

"Love and anger" by Robert Genn

2012-01-06T12:18:00.000-08:00

Love and anger
January 3, 2012

Dear Artist,

During the past year, Canada's Leader of the Opposition Jack Layton, died of cancer at the age of 61. In his final message Jack said, "My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world."

These words resonated across our country. It has always struck me that both love and anger are two of the main motivators in the making of art. Both emotions can work equally well. It's just that love is so much the more pleasant of the two.

Discouraged early on by economic conditions, disabilities, contrarian parents, peer pressure, teachers or others, a few artists are able to fight the uphill battle to overcome or at least channel their anger. Daily they are driven to "show the world."

Other creatives take a more gentle, loving path. It can be a love of some particular someone, a family, a principle, a passion or a charity. It can be that peculiar and miraculous state of simply doing something for the love of it. Each work we produce is our very own baby brought into the world for a span that may extend beyond ours. It's been my observation that these main brands of working love can be bound together into a wholesome bundle where tangible, finished work is key to hope, optimism and a sense of well-being. "Work," said Kahlil Gibran, "is love made visible."

The finding of love within our work unlocks the studio and prompts the actions of hand and mind. The extraordinary prevails and even ordinary and well-trodden subject matter can be freshly explored and rejuvenated. One might even be blessed with the aura of popular greatness. "He alone is great," said Gibran, "who turns the voice of the wind into a song made sweeter by his own loving."

In my last letter of the old year I mentioned the gentle productive hum of studios. Between the turning on and the turning off of the lights there's a span of privilege. Held steady by the gentle hand of love, we begin, we keep going, and we sign off. There may not be a higher calling.

Best regards,

Robert

PS: "In the arts, as in life, everything is possible provided it is based on love." (Marc Chagall)

Esoterica: One of the great features of studio life is the capacity for renewal. Daily love manifests itself and is a fairly reliable prod. Some projects can be measured in no time at all. Sometimes three or four projects can be performed and completed in a single day. Other projects progress over days or weeks, dependent on the uncanny sleep-work that lies between. "Love does not just sit there, like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new." (Ursula K. LeGuin)

Slim Down Secrets From Women Around the World

2012-01-02T12:20:00.000-08:00

http://www.ivillage.com/slim-down-secrets-women-around-world/4-b-371513?nlcid=td|01-02-2012|#371523

Small Steps . . . In Several Directions

2011-12-31T16:39:00.000-08:00

I usually post others' articles here. Since weight loss has been such a difficult issue for me, I didn't feel I had much to add to this discussion. But recently, I am making strides in weight loss, healthy living and being at peace with myself.
A couple years ago I started a vegetable garden. I always "tried" to be healthy, but it seemed like a huge effort. And whenever I saw sweets, my efforts were derailed. But I am finally doing better by eating my home-grown vegies and fruit, as well as buying locally grown vegetables and fruit, sometimes I even splurge for organic if the price is reasonable.
I am eating more whole grains and I started buying more low-fat items. The non-fat Greek yogurt tastes better than the full fat regular yogurt. I guess we have to experiment a little to find healthy foods that we like. My husband is diabetic, so after two years of going without rice, he finally decided that brown rice and grains are not so bad. Personally, I've gotten to the point where processed food actually tastes bad to me. That helps a lot.
I decided that I am not giving up coffee anymore. There is more evidence that it is good for you than there is that it is bad. Plus, drinking coffee helps you lose weight, especially if you drink it in the morning, then wait two hours to eat breakfast.
I am also eating less. It was hard at first. I don't really like to waste food, so my doctor's suggestion of throwing 1/5 of the food on my plate into the garbage didn't work. My secret is a sweet treat after dinner. Knowing I'm going to have something later has helped me cut down to where I am eating half as much. The sweet treat is usually healthy: low fat ice cream or sorbet. I don't feel like I am depriving myself anymore. I think that is the key.
I've also been exercising. I have an elyptical machine. I walk a lot and cleaning the house and/or gardening is actually pretty good exercise.
But perhaps the most important thing I am doing is working on my dreams. I am trying to get a good draft of my novel done. This is a dream I have had for years, and the time I spend writing or thinking about writing is time I am not thinking about eating.
So . . . Relax . . . Enjoy your life . . . Have fun with your family . . . But most important, start making your dreams come true.
Life is good. It is meant to be enjoyed. Like the song says "Don't worry. Be happy."

Travel Dreams, Get on the Right Track

2011-12-31T16:34:00.000-08:00

DreamCast: Travel Dreams, Get on the Right Track for the New Year
December 25, 2011
By Cortney Litwin
Are You on the Right Path?

Are you on the right path, one that will lead to joy, prosperity and success in the coming year? The answer can be found within your dreams. After all, your dreams are reflections of your desires, needs and aspirations, as well as messengers from your Higher Self.

Travel dreams are particularly revealing about your life path. Dreaming of a plane (the greater perspective), train (getting on track) or automobile (what’s driving you) will reveal if you’re headed in the right direction, if you need to get clear about your direction, or if you need a change of direction. Pay special attention to how you feel within the dream (and upon waking), who is doing the driving, and the condition of the vehicle and roads. These clues will help uncover the dream’s message.

Feeling Lost

Annie in New York City obviously needs some clarity about her direction. She writes:

I have a recurring dream of being lost in the subway and unable to find the right train to get home. If I could just once succeed in my dream, I feel it would be a breakthrough. Is there something I can do? I’m stuck.

Typically, subterranean locations, like Annie’s subway, symbolize the subconscious. Being lost underground points to hidden emotions that are blocking her ability to get home (choose the right path). If Annie can discover what is hindering her ability to move forward, she’ll find her way “home.”

Taking Control

In dreams, the driver of the vehicle is the one in control. If you’re not in the driver’s seat, look to see who is influencing your choices. Betsi in Prescott Valley, Arizona, is in the process of creating a new path for herself—if she doesn’t let some emerging fears derail her progress. She writes:

I have been married 30 years and I recently opened my own small business. In my dream I’m sitting in the backseat of my husband’s jeep, and he’s driving. It’s nighttime, and he’s looking for a street. He drives down one street that ends up being fenced off, so he drives further and finally parks between a blue trailer and a house, which is a very tight fit. He opens the door to the jeep, extends his hand to me and says, “This is where you get out; it’s time for you to die.” I slap his arm and tell him “No!” because I’m scared. What does this mean?

Stepping out of your old life and into something new is often scary, especially if it affects another person. Because her husband was driving, Betsi may be overly influenced by his feelings. She may also be afraid to exhibit her independence (stepping out of the Jeep), which will allow her old self to pass away—likely a good thing, because it would be a “very tight fit” if she let her fears prevent her from growing.

Accidents and Car Trouble

If something is amiss with your dream vehicle, something is likely amiss with your inner or outer life as well. Recently divorced, Carmen from San Diego, California is likely struggling with some emotional issues. She relays this dream:

I am driving my car with other people, when all of a sudden the car overheats and I see smoke coming out of the engine. I stop and ask for help.

The overheated engine and asking for help indicate that that Carmen needs assistance in dealing with her anger. Seeking the advice from a therapist or trusted friend will help jumpstart her new life.

Dreaming of an accident is another sign that you’re headed for trouble, and that it’s time to take a good look at where you’re headed and/or how you’re getting there. Nazela in Georgetown, Guyana witnessed an accident in the following dream:

I dreamed that people were killed when a trash truck crashed into a house.

This succinct dream points to some “trash” in Nazela’s life, such as a negative attitude, habit, situation or person that she needs to release so she can move forward.

On the Right Track

If you’ve eliminated the “trash” from your life and are ready for a fresh start, you may have an encouraging dream that shows you’re headed in the right direction.

Lil from Orange, Connecticut had such a dream. She writes:

I am the driver of a long train. The road is good, and there is clear water on the side of the road.

As the conductor of the train, Lil is making decisions based on her own inner guidance. The good road symbolizes a good path, while the clear water symbolizes emotional clarity, which will enable her to see where she needs to go and make good choices about her direction.

May your own direction be true, your choices clear, and your path unimpeded in 2012 and beyond.

Take Control of Your Life in 2012

2011-12-30T11:06:00.000-08:00

Take Control of Your Life in 2012
December 30, 2011
By Holly Allender Kraig
Your Life Doesn’t Just Happen, You Make It Happen

With this year on its way out, I envision who will I be this time next year. Will I be stronger? Will I get over my anger issues? Will I lose the weight? Now here’s the difference between me today and a few years ago: now I can firmly answer “Yes!” to all those questions. Here’s why: I took control over my life.

Psychic Liam has empowered people all over the world to take more responsibility in their lives. In his video, Liam tells the story of one women who realized through working with Liam how she has allowed things to “just happen” to her. Have you ever said, “I don’t know. It just happened!” That’s a pretty lame excuse for not taking control of your life.

As my mom told me after I broke the vase, “Holly, things don’t break on their own.” Same as your life. It can’t break down without agreeing to let it break down! So this next year, are you going to agree to let yourself continue to break your life? Are you going to agree to “just let it happen?” Or would you like new ways to take control of your life?

1. Get Help!

The definition of insanity is repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So look very closely at what you do when you encounter change, crisis or an issue. Do you go for the cigarette immediately when bad news hits? Do you immediately call your best friend to gossip about the drama you now find yourself in? I’m willing to bet these don’t help. Get real help! Find real solutions. My favorite methods are talking with a psychic, writing it down, hypnotherapy, NLP sessions, massage therapy, exercising and screaming (at the top of my lungs driving down the highway). This year, find new ways to solve old problems. And you’re not weak, stupid or wrong to ask for help. Anyone who tells you different can talk to me.

2. Catch Yourself

This year, I’ve learned to be more aware of what I’m doing, when I’m doing it and asking myself, “Why am I doing this?” In a meeting, if I get annoyed, I immediately catch myself and ask, “Why are you so annoyed?” When my husband does something that annoys me, I ask myself about it before I jump down his throat. Yoga and NLP are great ways to explore how to become more mindful of your actions, emotions and reactions.

3. Change Your Perspective

How long have you been upset at your sister, family member or friend? Do you even remember why you are? Do you get angry or dread going into work? Do you know why? It’s time to change your perspective. Between catching yourself and asking for help, you will be well on your way. But now is the time to also question how you think about stuff.

There are really good reasons why you’re angry, defensive and/or emotional. You just need to take the time to understand why. When you do, you’ll be empowered with information to change your life. It might even be time to change your perspective or update your out-of-date thinking. Psychic Liam is great at helping getting to the root of issues and uncovering new paths. With his background, he can help open doors that you never knew existed. (Don’t just take my word for it! Call Liam and find out for yourself!)

Find out who you really are, embrace it and have a wonderful New Year celebrating the wonderful You!

2011-12-28T12:22:00.000-08:00

Why Positive Thinking Can Heal
By Psychic Verbena
March 24, 2011
Consciousness and the New Biology

In his groundbreaking book The Biology of Belief, Bruce H.Lipton, Ph.D. uses the leading edge biological science of epigenetics to demonstrate why and how what we believe and what we think about affects our physical reality, right down to the healthy function of individual cells.

Maybe you’re already convinced about the power of positive thinking and the effects of the Law of Attraction, but if you’re like me and like to have a few facts and a smattering of logic to support what you intuitively understand, then you’re going to want to read Lipton’s book.

Lipton doesn’t just talk about new biological theories, either. He’s an epic myth-buster in several areas, using the latest science to help us move light years beyond the ideas of Newton and Descartes and into the leading edge of scientific thought in the 21st century.

His book is so compelling that every time I found Lipton’s detailed scientific proofs a bit daunting and skipped ahead in a chapter, I found myself so amazed by his conclusions that I inevitably went back and read what I’d skipped.

Starting with a new understanding of the role of our genetic strands of DNA, which until recently was believed to be the primary cause or director of cell behavior, Lipton painstakingly builds a clear, comprehensible scientific case for the new belief that the primary cause of cell behavior is its response to its environment.

This completely trashes the idea that humans – or, indeed any living things – are helpless victims of genetic programming (remember the movie “Jurassic Park”?). Your physical body is not a machine endlessly replicating programmed behavior, but rather a collection of individually conscious cells which, through a complex system of intercommunication, work together for the health and well-being of the whole (you).

Next, he explains how the new physics, quantum mechanics, interacts with biology to remind us that solid matter is not actually solid, that it is at its core pure energy. As Lipton says, “…we do not live in a universe with discrete [sic] physical objects separated by dead space. The Universe is one, indivisible, dynamic whole [author’s italics] in which energy and matter are so deeply entangled it is impossible to consider them as independent elements.”

This concept is a key to how your thoughts affect not only your health but the unfolding reality of the world around you!

For the next important concept, Lipton refers us to scientist Candace Pert’s book Molecules of Emotion, the ideas in which were featured in the mind-blowing 2004 movie What the Bleep Do We Know? Pert’s studies of how the brain interacts with the body revealed that your mind, rather than existing solely in your head, is actually distributed throughout your body via signal molecules. And, even more important, her studies show that the larger self-consciousness of your forebrain can intentionally use the rest of your physical brain to “generate ‘molecules of emotion’” which can override the unconscious, faulty programming which many agree produces unhappiness or disease.

These “molecules of emotion” are key to understanding why traditional ideas about positive thinking often don’t work, especially over a sustained period of time. Most popular positive thinking focuses on your rational mind through self-talk, but it’s actually the chemical reactions created by your emotional responses that are most important, and your emotional responses are usually triggered or controlled by your beliefs.

Using the placebo effect (in which patients are cured by taking harmless substances which they believe are medicine) and the effectiveness of hypnosis as examples, Lipton next discusses the stages of human learning and the levels of consciousness in which they take place.

He describes the various frequencies of brain activity, from Delta (slowest) to Beta (fastest), which frequencies are typical at which ages, and why reprogramming of subconscious beliefs and retraining in positive thinking are most effective by accessing the Delta or Theta states, which are the normal frequencies for infants to six-year-olds. In adults, Delta state is reached in deep, dreamless sleep or deepest relaxation, which is why subliminal sleep programming can be so effective. Theta is reached in meditation.

In his epilogue, Lipton finally allows himself to cut loose and speculate about how these discoveries can positively impact our future, as individuals and as a society, bringing in everyone from Mickey Mouse as the sorcerer’s apprentice in “Fantasia” to Darwin through fractal geometry and Rumi, stirring them all together into vision to inspire even the most hardened cynic.

http://www.ivillage.com/rescue-your-resolutions-5/4-b-121626?nlcid=wh|12-27-2011|

2011-12-27T13:04:00.000-08:00

http://www.ivillage.com/rescue-your-resolutions-5/4-b-121626?nlcid=wh|12-27-2011|

How to Handle Unrealistic Relatives at Christmas

2011-12-22T14:28:00.000-08:00

How to Handle Unrealistic Relatives at Christmas
by Robert Preston

Robert Preston is a professional writer who majored in journalism at The College of New Jersey. In addition to work for various websites, Preston has done public relations with Major League Lacrosse's New Jersey Pride organization, where he served as the team's beat reporter.
By Robert Preston, eHow Contributor

updated January 31, 2011

Holiday gatherings can be joyous occasions, with relatives coming from afar to be together and share a meal. But a family gathering can bring as many headaches as it does smiles, particularly when you must deal with a difficult relative. One of the more frustrating experiences at a Christmas gathering is dealing with a family member who has unrealistic expectations and demands. Whether commenting on the gifts, the food or the weather, an unrealistic guest always has something to complain about.

Instructions

1. Prepare responses to problems a complainer is likely to find in foreseeable areas, such as the food.
* 2 Remain calm when dealing with the unrealistic guest. Responding with anger or complaints of your own will escalate the problem.
* 3 Take breaks away from the unrealistic family member when possible.
* 4 Ignore the complaints on a personal level. As you anticipate the member with unrealistic expectations to find faults, it becomes easier to prevent his or her complaints from upsetting you.
* 5 Deflect complaints when possible by pre-empting them or agreeing. Making a simple statement like, "The biscuits are a bit overcooked" as they are brought out can cut the complainer off before he or she starts.
* 6 Remember that your time with the complainer is temporary. This realization can help keep you calm as things get irritating.
* 7 Have an exit plan, such as a specific time you must be on the road, if you are not the host.
* 8 Relax in the days after the family's visit. Failing to properly unwind from the stress of dealing with a difficult relative can cast a shadow that hangs for weeks if you don't allow for a proper relaxation period.

* Life Coach TrainingErickson.edu/Coach-Training
Professional ICF Coach Training. The Gold Standard of Coaching!

Read more: How to Handle Unrealistic Relatives at Christmas | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_7875582_handle-unrealistic-relatives-christmas.html#ixzz1hIyk9OdE

5 Steps to Letting Things Go

2011-12-18T16:22:00.000-08:00

5 Steps to Letting Things Go
December 17, 2011 By Psychic Yemaya
Let Go to Find Happiness!

We are moving in a very fast paced world these days, and if we aren’t careful, it’s much too easy to get stuck! It’s hard to know when you yourself are stuck; however, a few clues or symptoms are: you feel confused about “what to do,” and no matter how you try to make yourself think about “moving forward” away from the person, place or thing that’s holding you back from being happy… you still go right back to the old behaviors.
One popular definition of “insanity” is to keep going back to the same thing, doing the same thing, over and over and somehow expecting a different result. Once you realize in your intelligential mind that some thing, some place, or SOMEONE, is bad for you, how can you make yourself let go and move forward? Use these five steps!

1. Clearly simply knowing something is bad for you is not enough. You need to gather the evidence and the proof. I will write down the things that I KNOW for sure, events, situations, moments and the way they made me feel in that moment. If it applies, then perhaps asking your friends and loved ones to supply their notes or moments for your “proof” box. Get a box or container and gather these.

2. In order to “let go” of something, it helps us to “see” what will take that place. So come up with ideas of what to do with your time, how you can use the space, or what you will do differently ONCE that negative energy is gone from your life. I like to decorate the outside of that “letting go” box with these things, but I’m an artsy-crafty kinda gal. You can make a list, or whatever allows you to compare them.

3. Now is the deeper work of deciding HOW to best take action. What do YOU need to do, buy, create, say, to move the game piece forward on this? You need to sit down and come up with three to five solid steps to take, and the timelines of when to take them; it will then start to become “doable.” Now commit to yourself the date you WILL take the first step. Mark that on your calendar, and remember to keep actively reviewing this process and your calendar with updates for the next steps.

4. Stay honest with yourself. Stay on the deadlines you create… if you cannot do that, then it’s time to admit that you cannot control this aspect of your life, and seek the help or counsel of someone that can help you to face up to this change.

5. Don’t be afraid of conflict or emotion. Avoiding those can keep you stuck, and being stuck can be like being in a jail cell which you yourself created!

Most of all, love yourself, and remember that you deserve to be happy, and that you are the one that creates your life, and no one can hurt you without your permission! It’s time to change!
“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” – Gandhi

Coach Sherrie says: I need this advice as much as anyone does! 8-) Sherrie

Get Busy Working Towards the Dream! by Carmen Honacker

2011-12-12T11:47:00.000-08:00

Stop the BS and Grow
December 11, 2011
By Carmen Honacker
Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself and Get Busy Working Towards the Dream!

The top killers in the US, and quite arguably in the Western World, are heart attacks, diabetes and obesity. What do all of these have in common? Well, stress, of course! And what causes continuously high stress levels that can no longer be dealt with by the body? Being unhappy, feeling powerless, not getting what you want in life and feeling stuck.

How we feel and perceive the world creates our reality, and therefore determines how successful, happy and healthy we are. A twisted mind causes a twisted heart and body! And please, let’s not start with the excuse of happy people getting sick as well. I will always argue that a sick mind and soul are the top reasons for most chronic conditions, such as asthma, fibromyalgia, headaches, chest pains, high blood pressure, high cholesterol levels, obesity, etc.

Let me share how the chain reaction started and then progressed over seven years. I started out with a sick upbringing, which created a sick way of perceiving the world and those in it. I had no tools to attract good things, because I also had no knowledge of what “happy” looked like. I felt most comfortable with other broken people, because they allowed me to shift the focus away from me, as I tried to help them get well. Of course, this plan never worked; instead I kept finding myself betrayed, abandoned, back-stabbed and used; which made me more and more angry, hurt and feeling hopeless and powerless. The more powerless I felt, the less I spoke up and tried to fight back. Instead, I bottled it up, until my body started to become sicker and sicker. I had no energy anymore, which made me not want to move, but sleep all the time. Being inactive made me gain weight, which made me feel worse. Then I started developing asthma, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. I had heart palpitations, chest pains, joint pains and headaches all the time; at one point (six years ago) I had a nervous breakdown, and ended up hospitalized for two weeks. Finally, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia.

Years went by, in which my health would go up and down. The more stress I experienced, the worse things would get for me physically. The doctors would run more tests, give me anti-anxiety meds and steroids and send me on my merry way. My negative experiences and outlook literally turned my body into a toxic dump that was no longer able to properly dispose of stress (hence, high cortisol levels, because my adrenals were working non-stop). I had to make a conscious decision to get well, because I was, in the truest sense, sick and tired.

“Take the time for an honest life review as the most significant modifications are made from the inside out.” – Faith ext. 9608

I have talked about it many times, and feel it is important to repeat it: there has to be some kind of light that goes on in one’s head. Some people may call it rock-bottom, others may call it being tired of their own BS, but there has to be a moment of complete self-awareness. I call it the “oh-shit” moment. As long as people are still afforded some kind of comfort by feeding their own misery and story, they will not shift and continue with their patterns, no matter how miserable they are.

In the past three years, I have finally reached almost all the goals I have set. I finally found the career I wanted, with a company that rivals Yahoo in pay, environment and responsibilities. I am starting my new job on the first of November. I found the man that fits who I am and loves me unconditionally, and I married him. I resolved some of my left-over issues with therapy; I now know how to properly set boundaries. I have disposed of all people, situations and circumstances that were toxic to me, because I finally had the proper tools in my tool belt to do so. I started Pilates, after I completed almost two years of personal training, and bought a bicycle, which I love riding down to the beach. I started meditation again. I sold my house and moved with my husband to a beautiful, amazingly designed and huge space in Playa Vista, with a bathroom the size of a small country!

I left no stone unturned. I didn’t sit on my butt, feeling sorry for myself and waiting for things to magically change or come to me. I did whatever I had to, and while there are still things left to do, I am sure as hell a whole lot closer. I went through a lot, but I’m living the American dream, because I worked my butt off for it. And if I can do it, so can you!

“Going within and becoming the best of who you are is a spiritual goal.” – TeriLynn

Easily Find Self-Fulfillment

2011-12-09T11:09:00.000-08:00

Easily Find Self-Fulfillment
December 8, 2011
By S.K. Smith
Finding Fulfillment in the Process of Self-Improvement

Unlike the bulk of the other items on your day-to-day checklist of things to do, self-improvement is actually fun—and fulfilling. There’s no downside. Plus, it can generate change across the board in your life… anywhere you direct it, in fact! If you’re having trouble shifting gears from taking care of everyone else to taking care of yourself, it’s time to look at self work in a new way—as play. Here are three ways to do just that and incorporate some much needed me-time into your busy life in the process!

Shift Your Approach

Every team has a star player—and in your life, that’s you! Instead of putting everyone else first and telling yourself that you can afford to let your own needs slide (after all, you won’t be letting anyone down but yourself), get your head in the game, STAT! If you want to succeed in love, at work, as a parent or in any aspect of life it’s vital to be your best you. So instead of looking at your self-work as one more thing to add to your tedious to-do list, adjust your perception and instill this message in yourself as well as everyone around you: reflective, meditative “me-time” is good for everybody and everybody needs to take it. Not only will you taste the victory of taking control of your own life, you’ll have begun to shift the energetic playing field for everyone else!

Implement Your Strategy

Now that you’ve acknowledged your own need for fulfillment it’s time to put your game plan into action. Prioritize taking time for your own personal growth. That doesn’t mean squeezing in an hour to watch TV at night or having dinner with friends while your spouse watches the kids (though that stuff is important sometimes too), it means valuing yourself as an individual with wants, needs and dreams which need to acknowledged, evaluated and sometimes, adjusted. Balance is the goal of this game and if you can visualize how it will feel when you achieve it, you’ll be eager to get started. Remember, this isn’t meant to be torturous. Any activities you undertake for your own highest good should make you feel relaxed, present and reflective. Sure, you’re going to shake things up when you delve deep, but struggle leads to catharsis. Which is why you should.

Have No Fear

It’s not all fun and games when you’re facing down your demons. And while you may encounter some aspects of yourself you don’t particularly like when you’re totally honest with yourself – nobody’s perfect after all – you will probably find that the deeper you go, the more tension you release. A good cry goes a long way to alleviating years of pent up frustration and anger. Besides, what didn’t kill you the first time certainly can’t kill you now. The old adage is true, it can only make you stronger. So rather than running from your opponent (whether it be your own self-destructive patterns, a fear of change or anything else), recognize that you are up to the challenge of defeating it and remember: the prize—a life of endless possibilities—is truly worth it!

Anxiety Treatment Exercises by Ashley Brooks

2011-12-02T14:40:00.000-08:00

Anxiety Treatment Exercises
Ashley Brooks

Ashley 'Ash' Brooks is a writer living in the Midwest. She has worked in the writing industry for over five years as a writer, editor and teacher. Brooks enjoys writing about animals (preferably cats), mental health, spirituality and computers. She has been published on Ehow.com. Brooks has a Bachelor of Arts in creative writing and a Master' of Arts in composition and rhetoric,
By Ashley Brooks, eHow Contributor

updated December 01, 2011
Exercises that help you relieve anxiety.

Anxiety disorders affect millions of people and are the most common mental illness in the United States. According to the Anxiety Disorders Association of America website, there are a number of effective therapies and exercises available to treat the symptoms of anxiety. Self-help exercises that you can practice to lessen the symptoms of your anxiety include guided meditation, breathing exercises and relaxation exercises.
Related Searches:

* Muscle Exercises
* How to Reduce Anxiety

1. Guided Meditations
*Meditation is a practice that is highly praised by business executives, religious leaders, spiritual healers and everyday people. The difference between guided and unguided meditation is that guided meditation give you a kind of script to follow while you meditate. You are given visual clues, encouragement and techniques to control your breathing and ease your stress. Guided meditations can help you cope with anxiety as the technique has been shown to reduce the heart rate, create a sense of calm and well-being, and promote a positive self-image. The resources section at the end of this article provides links to websites that offer guided meditations for you to use at your leisure. When doing a guided meditation, remember you only need about five to ten minutes. If you're suffering from anxiety, it is helpful to try a meditation before entering into a situation that you find stressful, such as being around large groups of people or being in a small area.

Breathing Exercises
*According to the article "5 Simple Exercises for Managing Anxiety" by Therese J. Borchard, breathing from your diaphragm creates a sense of well-being and calm. For this reason, when you begin feeling anxious, focus on slowing down your breathing and pushing that air deeper into your lungs. This will ease your rising tension and help you bring yourself back to the present. HolisticOnline.com's article "Breathing Exercises" suggests you stand with your feet shoulder width apart and inhale slowly while raising your hands above your head. Exhale, and turn your hands up toward the sky. Inhale once more and slowly rotate your hands back toward the ground, and slowly lower your arms while feeling the air rush out from your nostrils. You can repeat this exercise in sets for more effectiveness, as the technique forces you to focus on your breathing and your body, keeping your attention away from your worries.

Relaxation Exercises
*The MayoClinic.com article "Relaxation Techniques" presents a number of relaxation techniques you can use when you feel your anxiety levels rising. You should also consult your physician or a mental health professional to give you addition tips and techniques, especially if you begin feeling uncomfortable or distressed while performing these techniques.

You can use visualization to reduce anxiety by imagining yourself in a serene environment. Visualization is a somewhat misleading term, because although you imagine what the place looks like, you also involve all of your senses and imagine what the place feels and smells like. For example, if your place of serenity is an open field looking out over a green valley, you'd not only see the valley but also smell the slightly sweet scent of clover in the air, and you'd feel the wind running softly against your skin. Initially, you may have difficulties making the "image" stick, but relaxation exercises take practice; the more you do them, the stronger they'll be.

You can also try progressive muscle relaxation, in which you tense up groups of muscles (such as your upper arm muscles) and slowly relax them. You can do this throughout your whole body starting with your feet and ending with your face. (You may be surprised how much tension you carry in your face.) Progressive muscle relaxation can also help you fall asleep if anxiety makes it difficult for you to fall asleep.

Read more: Anxiety Treatment Exercises | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/way_5626221_anxiety-treatment-exercises.html#ixzz1fQAjJkXw

Thanksgiving

2011-11-28T12:15:00.000-08:00

New post on Search for Soul
Thanksgiving
by sampatron

OK, so everyone in the U.S. knows that tomorrow is Thanksgiving. For those not in the U.S. or not familiar with the day, it’s when we “officially” take a holiday to express gratitude for all the things we have in our lives.

Many of us think that means only the good things and not everything, but, as much as I’d rather not be grateful for everything, or even some things, in my life, I have to admit that even the “bad times” have had some positive outcomes. Generally not immediately, but after a while, sometimes quite a while.

Ordinarily I avoid jumping on the bandwagon with these highly publicized holidays but this one is different. In spite of the fact that commerce has promoted excess consumption in the form of food, it’s the closest we come to a “pure” holiday, that is, not ruled by consumerism. That’s changing, though, and it’s sad.

Traditionally, Christmas shopping has begun on the Friday after Thanksgiving, which is always the fourth Thursday of November. It’s called Black Friday because there’s enough money spent on that one day to keep some stores and businesses from ending their year in the red, or loss column of their balance sheet.

Now, however, businesses are either starting Black Friday at midnight, instead of waiting until regular business hours or even opening for business on the holiday itself, when the day is “supposed” to be spent with family and in gratitude for them, or – horrors! – advertising and using Black Friday sale prices before Thanksgiving itself.

Since I’m against excess in almost all cases, I’ll try not to let this post get excessive and get to my point quickly. That is, in this society so often characterized by complaint and grousing, I suggest that you try finding just one thing – one thing – that you normally would complain about and find something in it to be grateful for, to give thanks for.

Maybe it’s that your kids are always leaving their things lying around; be thankful that they have things to leave around and that you’re able to provide them with those things.

Maybe your husband/mate too often comes home late for dinner that you’ve slaved over; be grateful that he comes home.

I’m sure you get the idea, so find your own gripe to be thankful for and put your own spin on it.

Happy Thanksgiving.

LiveJournal Tags: Thanksgiving,thanksgiving,thanks,thanks for "bad" things,difficult times,holidays,excesses

The Power of Hope

2011-11-20T14:18:00.000-08:00

Cultivate Hope During the Holidays
By Theresa Danna
Put the Happy in Happy Holidays

The word “hope” is mentioned often in Christmas songs of various genres: “A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices” says one hymn; “Someone lights the way with just a single ray of hope” according to a country song; and “Every hope is worth saving” claims a symphonic rock tune. Hope is a popular theme, one worth cultivating at any time of year.

The Power of Hope

In the book The Anatomy of Hope, author Jerome Groopman, M.D., writes that belief and expectation are two essential components of hope. Often when patients expect a particular drug or therapy to relieve their pain, they do experience relief—even if they are only given a placebo. Dr. Groopman explains that the placebo effect exists because belief and expectation actually block physical pain by releasing endorphins and enkephalins. He says that one spark of hope can set off a chain reaction in our bodies that helps the healing process.

Studies also show that the cultivation of hope has psychological benefits as well. Hopeful people do better in academics and athletics, for example, and experience less anxiety, depression, and addiction.

Holiday Hope

Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or Winter Solstice, each holiday has intertwining themes of light and hope. Light—in the form of stars, candles, or the sun—pierces darkness, offering the gift of hope. How will you cultivate your gift?

Karen Casey, author of the book Cultivating Hope, suggests keeping a journal of the times that others have reached out to you when you were afraid or troubled, giving you hope. Also record the times that you have provided a ray of hope to others. Write about how it feels on both the receiving end and giving end, so that you can become more aware of how hope works in your life.

Other ways to foster hope include reading stories of how hope has affected other people’s lives, such as the inspirational stories in the Chicken Soup series of books. Also, the holiday season is the best time of year to find movies on television that demonstrate hope and believing, ranging from classics like Miracle on 34th Street to more modern tales on the Hallmark and Lifetime networks.

If you don’t have time to read books or watch movies, try reading one or two brief motivational quotes each day. You can even have them delivered automatically through e-mail each day. Or simply post the word “Hope” or “Believe” someplace where you will see it often. And when you wake up each morning, say to yourself, “I believe something wonderful will happen to me today.”

“This may sound crazy but laughter is one of the greatest healers of all. Sometimes it’s better to put down the inspirational books and rent a bunch of DVD’s of stand up comedians. No plots, no romance just someone you think is really funny. Good comedians remind us just how absurd life can be. That, in itself is an inspiration.” – Chloe

If you are feeling depressed, a sense of control over your life will cultivate hope. Each day make small decisions and set attainable goals with full expectation and belief that you will accomplish them. Hope builds upon itself. The more you realize the power of hope in your life, the more hopeful you will feel.

Observe Hope in Action

If you do only one thing this holiday season to cultivate hope, let it be this: go to a mall and watch children as they stand in line to visit Santa Claus. You would be hard pressed to find any other place at this time of year where belief and expectation are demonstrated more strongly. Those kids have no doubt that Santa will deliver.

“There are many ways to celebrate, consider if you may need to release familiar obligations if they do not bring you joy, in order to find your own space to create holiday happiness!” – Yemaya

Avoid Family Drama on Thanksgiving

2011-11-19T13:27:00.000-08:00

Avoid Family Drama on Thanksgiving
November 18, 2011
By Psychic Yemaya

How Not to Hit Your Sister Over the Head With the Fire Truck

Family challenges are truly some of the most difficult spiritual tests, as they last your whole life, yet these relationships tend to be the ones that can bring the most joy… or heartbreak. If we see life as a school, and each relationship, job, or social situation, as a particular “class,” we shift our perspective. This can give you the “space” to look at it without the dramatic history… and this tool can help you to curb your own reactions, disappointments, or even anger that may come up during “A Family Thanksgiving.”

1. Perception

Sit down and list the potential challenges for the upcoming celebration, whether those are individual relationships, the family dynamics, or smaller issues; about food, or how you “do” or “don’t do” something. No matter what form that challenge would take, add it to the list. Now step outside of the history that creates that drama, look at the situation as an outsider, and try to see why the people involved choose to hold on to that behavior or attitude? It usually boils down to their limitations. I love the saying; “there is no such thing as rejection, only other people’s limitations” it is true. If you can let go of the need to change the situation or that person, and accept that they are indeed limited in their ability to control that action, suddenly the drama balloon is deflated!

2. Compassion

It is so easy to judge another, especially if they are sitting in judgment of you! However, if you can find the compassion to try to understand what has happened to that person that could have caused them to be “limited” in their understanding, you can start to feel less irritation, and more compassion. To accept “why” they do or say these things does not lessen you. To accept them “as they are” does not mean you agree with what they say or do. To let them unveil their limitation in their words or deeds, does not mean they are “right.” It just means you are strong and confident enough to let them have their drama without buying a ticket to ride in it!

3. Being Right

It is a human drive to speak our opinions, our feelings, and to move to “correct” what we see as “wrong,” yet if we take away the concept of “right and wrong” (which is rarely an absolute truth) that same action is just a “joining in” to the drama. It escalates the negative energy, and infects all who hear or see it with the heaviness of it. I have a saying, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” It is its own reward to simply be free of a “reaction” to negative actions or words.

By being compassionate, using a more spiritual perspective, we can find much more joy in our family gatherings, and set a much healthier example! You could change the future of your family gatherings one small quiet moment, by moment.

By Krishna Bill Tap the Limitless Source of Empowerment Within Yourself

2011-11-16T13:01:00.000-08:00

Turn On Your True Power With Psychic Aid!
By Krishna Bill
Tap the Limitless Source of Empowerment Within Yourself and Conquer Life

What is empowerment? What is true power? What’s the best way to understand and fully manifest our own power?

These are critical questions facing all of us, especially in this trying time in history. We opened this question up to our psychics to see what they had to say on the issue, and got some excellent responses:

Cameron says:

“We all have creative power. Everyone is a creator. If you decide that you’re going to make pasta for dinner tonight, you’re a creator because you have to ‘create’ that meal. We’re creating all the time. We may often feel that we’re victimized by the circumstances around us and feel powerless, not realizing that we’re even creating how we think about a situation. We often have no idea how to fully manifest our power.

“The first thing that must be understood is that there’s a power within all of us that’s not ‘given’ by the world, and can’t be taken away. It exists, and runs through us, and we’re using that power all the time. However, just because we have power doesn’t mean that we feel ‘empowered.’ It’s our choice whether to use that power to our benefit, or to be too critical or hard on ourselves, affirming that we can’t do something we’d like to do.

“The best way to manifest power is to accept the fact that you’re extremely powerful, and that your creative power, when focused correctly, can transform your life. But in order to do this, you have to look at what you focus on, what you’re using your power to create. When you truly know how powerful you are, you finally understand that the only person who has to accept how powerful you are is you. And when you do, miracles happen.”

Anasela says:

“We’re already empowered!

“I believe we get lost in the debris of how, when, where or to whom empowerment gravitates to. Remember a moment when you wanted something so badly, and you went after it and it manifested? Remember how it felt? That was a moment of self-empowerment.

“See it, believe it, be fearless with your intent and, most importantly, accept it. The blessing with manifesting your own power is that energy will empower everyone around you.”

Shauna says:

“Manifesting your own power happens simultaneously with the recognition of your own truth. When you realize that there is a path to follow, or life requires you to break through old conditioning, it’s about deciding to manifest that individual path, change, or environment. It’s beyond the law of attraction.

“It’s a major step in re-assembling the blueprint of your future intention, not someone else’s. Intention, combined with images and your own voice, activates the gates of the Universe to make lasting changes in your life. If you want to change your relationship, then decide to do so. If you want to change careers, then decide to do so. This opens the floodgates to bring to you what you need in perfect and miraculous ways.

“Don’t doubt or try to figure out whether it’s possible or not. Realize what your truth is. Is your life controlled by your ‘I’ or someone else’s ‘I’? Is someone or a situation setting limits or boundaries on what you can achieve? Do you feel unworthy of receiving? It’s your God-given right to create and manifest your heart’s desire. Once you know what your heart’s desire is, then decide to manifest it. Think about the strongest influences in your life now. Which one drags or holds you back? Which one inspires you to go for it? Get rid of the levels ‘stuck,’ ‘guilt,’ ‘helpless’ or ‘unworthy.’ You are a miracle created by the Universal Creator, the One. You have to realize that you are not dependent on anyone except this positive life-force within you. Using that force to self-discipline and self-realize, you have the power to manifest your intention.

“Think about this. There is a tribe of American Indians who live in the southwest desert. They depend on the power of prayer to bring rain to their crops. They have to rain dance, pray, and wait for the rain to come. They have no doubt, no fear. A woman who was fortunate to eye-witness one of these ceremonies reported that out of a blue sky came a deluge of rain and the sun was still shining. You are as fully equipped as these Indians are.

“Affirmation: I let go of worn-out things and conditions, and I’m undisturbed by appearances. The tide of destiny has turned and my heart’s desire now manifests in my life in perfect and miraculous ways. My power is irresistible!”

What do power and empowerment mean to you?

Laughter is the Best Medicine

2011-11-05T13:03:00.000-07:00

Laughter is the Best Medicine: Try Some!
November 4, 2011 at 5:00 pm By Donald Michael Kraig
The Power of Laughter to Cure Mind and Body

Late in his life, Norman Cousins, world famous author, professor, and journalist, developed a painful disease his doctors told him he had little hope of surviving. As part of his self-prescribed treatment, Cousins, the Adjunct Professor of Medical Humanities for the School of Medicine at UCLA, locked himself in a room and watched Marx Brothers comedy movies. As he revealed in his book, Anatomy of an Illness, he discovered that ten minutes of “genuine belly laughter” would result in hours of pain-free sleep. He ended up living for many productive years, eventually succumbing to another ailment.

Is laughter really the best medicine? Clearly, by itself, laughing won’t cure what ails you. But, in conjunction with other forms of medicine, laughter and having a good sense of humor is invaluable. Here are just a few things that laughter does that are beneficial for improving your health and keeping you healthy:

1. Exercise. When you have a big belly laugh you exercise the diaphragm (the biggest muscle in the body), as well as your abdominal muscles and even your shoulder muscles. The movement of the diaphragm helps your breathing and increases air flow. A good laugh is actually good exercise for your heart and lungs.

2. Stress, Hormones and More. The body produces lots of hormones. Some hormones, such as cortisol, epinephrine, dopamines and others increase stress levels. Laughter has been shown to reduce the formation of these hormones, thus preventing the increase of your stress levels and the negative effects of stress. At the same time, laughter increases hormones such as endorphins which increase feeling of well being and lower stress levels. Since increased stress levels are associated with stomach problems, insomnia, asthma, fatigue, high blood pressure, psoriasis, and even some types of heart disease and alcoholism, it is clear that laughter can help you in conjunction with your regular medical therapy.

(“Whatever it is that is causing you stress, most likely it is there to teach you a lesson. If you are feeling continued stress then you aren’t paying attention. Sometimes the truth stings a bit.” – William)

Laughter also increases the quantity of disease fighting antibodies and enhances the ability of your T Cells to fight disease. It makes your immune system stronger and more effective.

3. Mental Clearing. After a good laugh you have a physical and emotional release, making you better able to deal with illness, stress, and just daily life. Laughing lets you look at the stressful events in your life differently, so you are less likely to face the negative impact of anger, disappointment, stress, guilt, and other negative emotions. And when you’re laughing and feeling good about yourself other people will be attracted to you and you’ll increase your circle of friends.

There’s no doubt about it, laughter is fantastic for your mental and physical well being. But is there a right way to laugh for health?

How to Laugh

Just little giggles or snorts for a second or two don’t seem to have the health effects that can be brought on by deep laughter. Instead, you need a good, long, drawn-out belly laugh, the type where your sides hurt (from exercising the muscles) or your eyes tear. Laughing like this for just ten minutes a day can literally change your life.

But what if you don’t feel like laughing? Studies show that if you fake your laughter it can be just as good as a real laugh. So go ahead and fake laugh. Do it enough and you’ll probably start laughing for real, anyway.

A recent study at UC Berkeley and the University of Zurich showed that people who can laugh at themselves are more cheerful, less serious, and had better moods throughout the day. So learn to laugh at yourself and not take yourself so seriously. You’ll be happier and healthier.

Finally, here is my 100% non-medical, unofficial prescription for improved health, better healing, more friends, and a happier life: Take time out to be silly every day. If you haven’t been silly, take a silly break. Learn to laugh at yourself and the world around you. Laugh by yourself and with your friends and family. Make them big, joyous, belly laughs.

And best of all, you don’t need insurance and you won’t be charged a co-pay. Laughter is free. So for the price, laughter is the best medicine.

“Be kind and forgiving of yourself. We are all human and we all make mistakes.” – Rivers

Donald Michael Kraig graduated from UCLA with a degree in philosophy, and has become a certified hypnotherapist and Master NLP practitioner. His book, Modern Magick, is the most popular step-by-step course in real magick ever published.

Experience the Spiritual Power of Gratitude and Thankfulness

2011-11-03T09:56:00.000-07:00

Gratitude, Not Attitude
November 2, 2011
By Krishna Bill
Experience the Spiritual Power of Gratitude and Thankfulness

Gratitude: We know it’s one of the most important keys to life and personal growth. But it can be hard to stay grateful when life throws so many challenges at us. We asked our psychics what the best way to practice and remain in gratitude was, and got some incredible responses.

Dawn shares:

“Gratitude. You can experience it a hundred times a day if you want to, but it has to become a conscious choice. It’s easy to experience the feeling of gratitude when someone does something kind for you. Thankfulness for small kindnesses can be automatic and expected—but when was the last time you looked down at the shoes on your feet and thought ‘Wow… how blessed I am to have shoes on my feet when millions of people don’t?’ We all have difficult days, we all are handed many challenges to get through and overcome. But the power of gratitude can lift you from the depths of darkness right back into the brightest light there is. The trick is to wake up. Look around and see the world with new eyes. You will be amazed at how much lighter your heart and spirit will feel when you make a conscious choice to use the power of gratitude on a daily basis.”

Marin reminds us:

“The more you give, the more you receive! There is no end to the amount of gratitude one can give or receive.”

Faith says:

“When you find yourself in a difficult situation where you have a choice to make, challenge yourself to take a deep breath and choose gratitude. Through the act of forgiveness, divine intelligence will help you to let go and transcend the situation that you are finding painful. In time, you will once again move forward, having transcended the pain or upset you once experienced. Observe how much lighter you feel after having made your choice for gratitude. The path of grace is accessed through gratitude. Be grateful for the challenges that bring detours on your path. For as hard as that is to do, the challenges in your life take you to your most cherished sacred desires.”

Michael underlines the importance of being grateful to yourself, also:

“Take time to be grateful for choices in your life. Expressing gratitude for the ability to make a choice at any given time allows you to better understand the choice at hand, as well as empowering you by helping you take control of the choices you make. Do this as often as you can think about it—make it a living expression of gratitude.”

Lucy counsels us to watch the flow of the divine:

“Know that God is everywhere, including inside of you. Where you are today is exactly where you need to be.”

Mariposa says:

“Free will empowers each of us to choose our attitudes in each moment. Each morning, the first thing you choose is your attitude for the day. Did you wake up feeling grateful? If not, you have the choice in that aware moment to empower yourself with gratitude.

“Each morning I wake up and say, ‘I know nothing of today. Show me the truth, and I will be grateful for all opportunities, the good and the not so good.’

“We live in a time of great transformation, where we can assist the whole by choosing to be in gratitude for all things. Being in a state of gratitude, there are no judgments on what we are grateful for. We can help the world in letting go of guilt by choosing to be grateful for all things. A wise teacher once told me, ‘When you choose to see life with eyes of gratitude, you will not worry about tomorrow.’

“As we celebrate this season, may we all choose to be grateful for just being alive in this time of great change and not worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will become a reflection of our gratitude.”

And finally, Quinn sums it up for us:

“What is the best way to experience the power of gratitude in your life?

“By giving it.”

Balance: The Key to Happiness

2011-10-26T12:23:00.000-07:00

The Keys to Bliss and Balance
By LJ Innes
Balance: The Key to Happiness

They say too much of anything is never a good thing, and it’s really true. Too much work, and even too much play, can throw us off balance and make other parts of our lives feel off and out of sync. What do you do to find balance?

It’s easy to get engrossed in things. Work projects, television shows, working out at the gym. Interests and passions can quickly turn to obsessions when we lose sight of everything else around us. When we know how to balance and prioritize our lives, putting the important things first, that’s when we can find our bliss. Of course life can’t be all bliss; even that would be out of balance, but being happy and fulfilled should be the norm in our lives, so that when the hard stuff comes and takes so much out of us in a short time, we have a reserve of balance and bliss within us to sustain us and get us through.

If you’re in a bad mood because you have to work all the time, and you can’t find time to work out, then you already know that the one thing you need to balance things out is making that time. Working out relieves tension, gives us an outlet for aggression, and the sheer act of putting ourselves first can be what we need most of all.

Being Selfish is a Good Thing

With all the time you give to others, friends, family, bosses, how much of that time do you spend on yourself? It’s a strange paradox, but when you spend time getting in touch with your own needs, people respond differently. If you see yourself as important you change the very mood around you. Your schedule opens up. People respect your space. And because you are balanced and happy, you have that blissful aura surrounding you, making everyone respond differently. People no longer vie to be on top of your list of priorities, because it is clear that you hold the top position. They are in awe of you, your beauty, and your power. If you don’t respect the importance of your time, then no one else will. You set the precedent.

(As Chloe says, “Being clear with yourself about what your boundaries are is the first step to living with dignity and spiritual focus.”)

Eat, Sleep, Exercise

Our bodies need to eat healthy, enjoy long, restful, uninterrupted sleep, and exercise. In the end all we have of any worth is our health. You need to eat, sleep and exercise and not push those aside for other non-nourishing things in our lives. Replenishment and rejuvenation gives you armor to fight disease, depression and a host of other bad things that try to invade your space. Leave them no room to roam. Fight them off before they attack.

(And as Faith says, “Letting go brings you into balance aligning you with your true self. It is the most natural experience on earth to let go of what is hurting you. Letting go frees your mind of the attachment, thereby filling you with peace.”)

Balance and Bliss

Finding the balance in all you do allows you to prioritize sensibly, make good decisions, divide your time wisely and gives you that overall feel of bliss. Reflect on your typical day. Do you have balance and bliss in your life?

It’s as Simple as 10-10-10

2011-10-26T12:18:00.000-07:00

Quiz: Are You On the Right Path?
By Holly Allender
It’s as Simple as 10-10-10

Suzy Welch, author of 10-10-10, was not just having a bad day, but lots of things were not going the way she wanted. She needed something to help her make sense of her relationship with her husband, children and her career path. She no longer felt in control of her life or the decisions she needed to make. It felt like life was dictating to her instead of the other way around.

Through her enlightenment, you can find salvation to confusing or overwhelming situations in the following three questions she calls 10-10-10: “What are the consequences of each of my options in ten minutes? In ten months? In ten years?”

As I read this, a light suddenly dawned for me, and I immediately put the 10-10-10 idea into practice. I was unhappy at my job and was confused if I should quit. So as I was making my way home from work, I asked myself those three questions in relation to quitting my job. Here’s what I came up with projecting myself into the future me:

In 10 minutes: I would feel relief that it was over. The hardship and anxiety I had there would be in the past.

In 10 months: I was surprised to find that I felt regret. Regret that I didn’t try a few other things to improve the situation. Also, the pain of having to find another job.

In 10 years: None of it would really matter. I saw myself in a job I enjoyed and myself happy.

But it was that 10 months that stopped me from quitting immediately. I went back to work the next day determined to see the situation differently and find ways to make my life there better.

I really liked this system and thought I would try this with a friend who was very unhappy in her relationship. She had broken up with him many times and always got back together with him. So I asked her the 10-10-10 questions about breaking up with him forever. Here’s what she learned about herself:

In 10 minutes: She felt relief that it was over.

In 10 months: She still felt good that he was out of her life. No more issues or nagging guilt. She felt free from his tangled grip and manipulations.

In 10 years: He was a distant memory and no longer a thought in her life. She had moved on and let it all go.

She surprised herself by her answers, but she had found clarity in a muddy situation. That night, she broke up with her boyfriend. Although the following months after the break up were difficult, she never wavered from her vision and she did feel happy and free.

I have continued to use this in my arsenal of tools against confusion and when I’ve chunked up. Finding clarity allowed myself and others to feel more empowered in our decisions. It also helped make the issues more tangible, and a path was carved showing the next step.

The Power of Paradox: Surrender and Prayer

2011-10-17T10:37:00.000-07:00

The Power of Paradox: Surrender and Prayer
By Theresa Danna

Asking, Then Letting Go

Some of life’s best results come about through the power of paradox. Consider the solution to escaping from quicksand. When you realize you’re stuck in the sinking sand hole, your first instinct is to thrash your arms and legs to get out. But that strategy only forces your weight to sink further into the pit. The solution to getting out of quicksand is to maneuver slowly into a position that allows you to float on your back, on top of this unusual mixture of sand and water. Surrendering to the situation, rather than reacting in fear, brings forth the desired result.

Action Through Non-Action

In verse 22 of the Tao Te Ching, Lao-tzu explains that if you want to be given everything, then you must give up everything. The Chinese expression “wu wei” describes a non-action way of living through which you accept life, rather than forcing it. In his book Silent Power, Stuart Wilde teaches that non-action requires us to be patient and “wait for things to unfold naturally.”

To be patient, we have to replace fear with faith. Oftentimes when we pray, we have a specific goal in mind that we want spiritual forces to help us achieve. We ask for a certain amount of money to pay for something or for a specific physical illness to be healed.

However, ironically, this sort of directed prayer does not always bring forth the desired results. According to a study reported in Larry Dossey’s book Healing Words, nondirected prayer—meaning an approach to prayer that is more open-ended, without a specific outcome in mind—is more effective. The faith expressed in the style of prayer that says “Thy will be done” or “in the highest good for all” can be frightening at first, because you are saying you will accept whatever God or the Universe gives you. But the paradox is that surrender is actually empowering.

Giving Over, Not Giving Up

Janet Quinn, a nurse who works with people who have AIDS, is quoted in Healing Words as saying that giving up is like saying there’s nothing else to do. The result of giving up is despair. But surrendering is an active choice that results in a higher quality of life, or, in some cases, a higher quality of dying. The result of giving over is peacefulness.

Praying in the spirit of surrender and trust in your spirit guides opens more possibilities for good. As Henri J. M. Nouwen explains in The Path of Waiting, to wait open-endedly allows our lives to be molded “according to God’s love and not according to our fear.”

Sink or Float

It’s easy to get trapped in the quicksand of life, trying hard each day to survive the stressors of work and relationships. To avoid being pulled deeper into the pit, start each day with a prayerful surrender to accept whatever is best, even if what is best might not feel so good at the moment. Simply say whatever words express your willingness to let go and have faith that you will float.

For some, the words, “Thy will be done” work best. For others, a different phrase might feel right, such as, “I accept whatever the world has for me today” or “I begin this day with confidence and faith in whatever happens.” As long as your intention is to faithfully receive rather than fearfully grab, you’ll float peacefully through your life’s journey.

Embrace Change, Take Action!

2011-10-15T13:44:00.000-07:00

Embrace Change, Take Action!
By Psychic Yemaya
Procrastination is human, however, it can stall out your life, cause you to miss important deadlines, and affect your self esteem (which also affects your love life)! We can stop sitting in our mess crying for what we “wish” would have been, and take ACTION!

How many of you have thought about a reunion, wedding, or event, where you wanted to be slimmer when you attended, and then suddenly the time flies by, and its NEXT week… and nothing has changed. You meet someone but can’t invite them to your place as it’s dirty and cluttered? It can range from bills, dentist visits, sewing a small rip, all the way to basics of doing dishes, or picking up fresh fruits and vegetables!
You may decide to change something, tell all your friends and loved ones about this project and the “new leaf” you are turning over, and then you get distracted, day after day, and before you know it…. months have gone by and it’s still not done!

So let’s stop. I hear you saying, “It’s NOT that easy!” I do know that, I was the Queen of procrastination, and that is how I learned the difference between talk and ACTION. Here are the tools that I am using to change my life, may they bless yours as well!

1. Sit down and pick ONE project to use these tools on, if it works for you, then feel free to explore doing more, or even multiple tasks. Make sure the goals are realistic!

2. Stop talking about it and set an actual DATE to begin the actions to correct it. That means you get out the calendars (all of them) and mark circle that date in RED. I like to create a journal that starts by listing my intentions, and how long I realistically see it taking to finish.

3. Write what needs to be changed as a topic, with the first 1-3 small steps towards this. It is important to focus on THAT step, not ALL the steps, or the LAST steps, allow this to be broken down to just one simple step or task at a time. I like to create a journal that starts by listing my intentions, and how long I realistically see it taking to finish.

4. Think and speak positively about your commitment! The last sentence of step 2 is an example of step three; watch what you say and how you say it. Your subconscious mind hears negatives and immediately dumps the whole concept, so rephrase things into a positive. Example: “…what it is you WANT TO change” becomes “… what it is you ARE changing.” Another word hint: Remove the word TRY and think WILL instead!

5. Just keep moving forward, even if you slip up, or stall for awhile, start again as soon as you can, get back up on that horse! Remember that failure only applies when you quit trying!

6 Things Everyone Should Leave in the Past

2011-10-07T10:35:00.000-07:00

6 Things Everyone Should Leave in the Past
By LJ Innes
Learning to Let Go

Are you holding a grudge over a silly argument you had with a loved one or a former love? Are you stuck in a place of hate and resentment or perhaps trying to hold on to something or someone that doesn’t fit in your present life or your plans for the future? One of the best ways to live your life to the fullest is to put the negative parts of your past in the past and leave them there.

We may not be able to forget our past, and some of it we don’t want to, but when the things you carry with you through life are the negative things from our past, we leave little hope for a life lived to its potential. Take with you, by all means, the lessons your past has taught you, but discard the resentments that those lessons may be borne from.

Negative events from our pasts may shape us, but they don’t define us. To give up our futures to events of the past is to rob ourselves of life and to give away our power to someone or something that isn’t worthy of our pity, let alone our power. Here are a few things to leave in your past that will help you grow and move on:

1. Hurtful words and arguments that made you feel small;
2. The image of yourself as half of a whole; you are always a whole person;
3. Anything you’ve forgiven someone for, making it off limits to bring up again;
4. Physical trinkets that spur on bad memories or make you cry; they’re just “things,” toss them;
5. Grudges; they eat away at you, hold you back, and limit your vision of what could be; or
6. Expectations that your future will be no better than the past; that’s just not so.

People and situations, both negative and positive, are part of what make us into who we are in the present. Luckily, over time, most of the experiences we remember from our past are the good ones. But to keep a negative experience alive is to invite it into your future; it will happily come along and hold you back when you should be moving forward. You could waste years of your life mulling over what might have been or could have been if things had been different, but the past cannot change, it has already happened.

Tabula Rasa

Tabula rasa is a Latin term meaning “clean slate.” Make a conscious effort to leave a negative past where it belongs, in the past. Be it a job or a romantic relationship or whatever, resolve to forgive and forget. If you forgive someone, then don’t bring up their past indiscretion again. If you move on from someone, remember why you did, and leave it that way. It is entirely possible to have a tabula rasa, and a future that looks as bright as the Sun. All you have to do is leave behind the things that no longer serve you.

How to Find Spiritual Enlightenment Anywhere

2011-09-18T18:05:00.000-07:00

How to Find Spiritual Enlightenment Anywhere
By Eric J. Leech
The Truth is Everywhere if You Know How to Look

I would hazard a guess that the majority of you know someone who has embarked on a pilgrimage to achieve spiritual enlightenment. It has become a common belief, that in order to find our destiny, sometimes we need to travel across the world. This implies that we may have left a part of ourselves somewhere in a small Italian cafe. Perhaps, in an old English manor, or better yet, in some romantic tropical getaway, where the men and women roam free and naked. These trips may bring a certain amount of spiritual enlightenment. However, if we had to make such a pilgrimage each time we felt like we were losing our mind (or love), a good portion of us would be in the poor house by the end of the month.

J. Z. Knight, a mystic, teacher, author, and expert in the 2004 film, What the Bleep Do We Know?, has been all over the world. She has experienced the Nazca Lines of Peru, the Glastonbury Tor of England, and the Chartres Cathedral of Paris. However, out of all these great spiritual destinations, one of her favorite places to retreat is her own mind, as the sun is casting its farewell across the evening sky.

“I’ve been to just about every other place in the world—to the most powerful places,” says Knight. “There are many incredible sites to see, but the one place we are always welcome, is in our own backyard (mind)—contemplating the beauty and restoring hope.”

“It is not so much that a place heals us,” explains Knight. “It is our reaction to these places.” Whether you’re witnessing the Divine light of the Emei Shan mountains, or a simple cloud making its way across the sky, you are consciously making the decision to either see the moment as a gift, or a break in the day to think about your troubles, worries, and fears.

People often get the idea that the only way to escape their problems, is to go far away where their troubles can’t reach them. What they soon find out, is their miseries follow them no matter where they go. You can’t run from something that is such a huge part of you, and nor can you ignore its (your) effects without experiencing some sort of consequence.

“Spirituality is in our super consciousness,” says Knight. “We have in every moment of our life, the ability to contact our inner hero, our own awareness, and be our greatest defender.” How can you accomplish this? You can decide that you’re not going to be judgmental today. You are not going to live in fear. You can make the decision to reverse the negative flow of defeat and failure, and see yourself as a winner. You can treat yourself with respect, honor your needs, and allow yourself to make the right choices, not because you’re told they are what you have to do, but because you know they’re what’s best for you.

Our body experiences everything we think, and those thoughts are interconnected with our DNA and cellular response. “The moment we consciously make the decision to live for ourselves, we start to heal,” explains Knight. In a sense, our mind is the ultimate destination, where we can whisk ourselves away anytime to nourish the soul and replenish our spirit. Considering our body listens to what we tell it, if you choose to feel depressed and trapped, it will respect your wishes, and adapt itself to your woes. However, if you choose to walk outside your dome of negativity and breathe the wonder and mystery of everyday life, it will adjust to this rational, allowing the positive flow of energy to become the norm.

“You don’t have to be spiritual at a site (place). You can be spiritual on your way to the bathroom from your coffee break. You can say I have always been a genius. I have always been filled with joy. People think that if you wear a certain color, it makes you spiritual. If you wear a crystal, somehow you are going to be enlightened. If you do a certain diet, it will purify you. You can be the purest person, with the worst personality, and that is not going to wash the inner you. It doesn’t matter what you’re wearing, and it doesn’t matter what you look like. What matters is that you care enough to ask the great questions inside of yourself, and you can do that at any moment. We only need to be told we can.” — J. Z. Knight

Change Your Perspective, Change Your Life!

2011-09-17T11:30:00.000-07:00

Change Your Perspective, Change Your Life!
By S.K. Smith
How Your Point of View, Not What You See, Shapes Your Experience

Sometimes things happen that are beyond our control. The accidental death of a loved one, getting rear-ended at a red light or unfairly fired from a job when you didn’t deserve it. However, as traumatic as events like these may seem, on their own, they don’t actually hold any power over your life. It’s how you choose to interpret what goes down every day that matters.

Translation? If you can learn to look at the bright side when life hands you lemons—or at least seek out the lesson—you can change your life for the better.

Here are three simple ways shifting your perspective can improve your experience.

A Sunnier Outlook Equals a Happier Life

If you’re looking to for a general sense of well-being, optimism rules the day. How? For starters, like attracts like. Thereby, if you look for the gold in any given situation (no matter how buried), you’re more likely to find it. On the other hand, douse yourself in self-pity and bury your head in the sand, and you’ll find that you’re just in the dark. No matter how bad things seem, remember that the only constant in life is change. By combining positive thinking with active steps toward your goals, you’ll ensure that you meet them eventually—and feel a lot better in the process.

Honesty Doesn’t Have to Be Brutal

Sometimes we mistake beating ourselves up for being honest with ourselves. Sure, we all screw up sometimes and it’s vital to our personal and spiritual growth to acknowledge our mistakes. However, self-flagellation is no way to advance our own cause. If anything, it’s a surefire way to destroy self-esteem and ensure that our efforts stall out. Once you’ve admitted your mistakes, make it your point to learn from them and move on. That’s real honesty. After all…

Lessons are Given Until You Learn Them

Finally, there is one fundamental truth we should all understand no matter what happens in life. We will be presented with the same lessons over and over again until we learn them. The universe is funny that way—giving us what we need whether we ask for it or not. So, whether an event in your life was foreseeable or a freak accident, it’s important to take what you can from it and change accordingly. One of the definitions of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Thereby, it’s not just your perspective that will make a difference in your experience. Your actions impact your circumstances, too.

Speaking Your Truth

2011-09-16T10:18:00.000-07:00

Keep Your Power!
By Carmen Honacker
Don’t Give Away Your Keys!

Speaking your truth is one of the most important keys to getting the life you want and the happiness you deserve. When I talk about speaking your truth, though, I’m talking about setting boundaries and sticking to them. I’m not talking about spewing whatever comes to mind whenever you feel like it, and to whomever you want to in order to get your point across!

So what’s the difference, you may ask? Speaking your truth doesn’t have an attachment to outcome! We don’t speak our truth in order to manipulate, persuade or force someone to do things our way, see things the way we want them to, or even agree with us. To speak your truth means to stand in your own power and to not allow anyone to take your power away. It has nothing to do with aggression, manipulation or being stubborn, selfish and mean-spirited.

Having an attachment to someone else’s reaction turns your “truth speaking” into an act of trying to get things your way and moves the focus away from you, i.e. holding someone else responsible. To be honest does not mean we have to be mean, a bully, manipulative or unkind, because in a way, we couldn’t care less what the other “feels” about it. It means that you have stated what is and what is not acceptable to your well-being and your own self and that should never be reliant on an outside source.

People are whatever they are and choose to be. Confronting those who have wronged you, or are still wronging you, won’t create peace of mind. The reason is that most people are absolutely unwilling to change or even see their part in an argument, problem or issue. But when we set our boundaries and claim our power, it doesn’t matter if a person changes their mind or point of view, because their action or reaction does not influence our happiness or our peace.

I used to have this very wrong. My idea of always being honest backfired big time, each and every time I would confront a person with their (in my mind) bad attitudes or unacceptable behaviors. I figured, if I speak clearly they’d get it. But they never did and the struggle, fights or arguments would continue. The more someone would misunderstand or misinterpret me, the more I would attempt to “set them straight.” Needless to say, this almost always failed completely. In the past, my “honesty” made quite a few enemies and the feeling of being seen completely distorted, or having been treated unfairly, weighed on me heavily.

To be honest, it’s hard for me to understand that not everyone likes or will like me. There are a lot of people who claim that they don’t care how others perceive them, but to me, and I would argue to most, it does matter. It matters because I’m actively attempting to make a difference in the world and I am actively attempting to be my higher self; and for all of us who take on these roles, we have to be mindful of our choices, words, actions, thoughts and emotions. We do not get to spew bad energy, we don’t get to be passive aggressive and we don’t get to manipulate others and be victims.

Making this decision makes it even more important to fully accept and love yourself. Accepting who you are and stopping to make excuses for it will allow you to keep your power and your peace of mind; as a permanent state of being. When you state and live your boundaries consistently, you will find no need to manipulate anymore. It doesn’t matter if someone agrees or doesn’t agree, because at the end of the day, it isn’t up to others to validate who you are! This power is given to you alone, my friend.

Living your life with honor, integrity, courage and kindness will, in return, attract those who do not require explanations. You will find yourself surrounded more by those who won’t continuously challenge, misinterpret or suck the life out of you and less by those who do not live by the same principles. The universe has a way of weeding out those who no longer belong or serve your growth anymore. So when you “lose” someone to your newly found ability to live in power, let it go and trust that another who has no problem with it will emerge. There is no empty space in the universe. Alas, getting rid of space occupied by those who do not deserve it, will allow a spot for those who do.

Creativity Coach Sherrie says: You also might try wearing more blue and singing or chanting. That helps keep the throat chakra in balance!

Live Your Best Life by Taryn Galewind

2011-09-14T12:37:00.000-07:00

Live Your Best Life
By Taryn Galewind
Building the Foundations of Joy

Believe it or not, it’s easy to live in your best life. When you build a house, you want it to stand strong and shelter you from adversity for a long time. Your best life is like such a shelter. You just have to use the right corner stones, and the rest will follow naturally.

Be Faithful — Make sure your word is your bond. Cheat no one. Treat others as you wish to be treated. Be sure to count yourself among the faithful who believe in nurturing their spiritual selves.

Make Your Contribution — Every day for the rest of your life, contribute something to your own betterment, to the assistance of others, or to a charitable cause. Not all contributions are financial.

Engage With Others and With Life — No man, or woman, is an island. To live your best life, it is essential that you form strong, healthy bonds with others. You can’t reach your personal pinnacle without making commitments and connections to your friends and family, your work life, your spiritual life, and your life of joy. Reach out and you’ll find solace among others.

Explore Your Passions and Dreams — No matter how busy you are, make time to pursue your dreams and embrace your passions. Those are the things that fuel your psyche.

Be Frugal — Use your resources wisely, sharing what you can. Acquire only what you can use, conspicuous consumption may be toxic. Reign in your spending, simple living is filled with beauty.

Trust Your Inner Voice — Never stifle that quiet, persistent voice inside you. It speaks the truth for you. You know that, don’t you?

Forgive — Forgive us our transgressions, as we forgive those who transgress against us. No one ever moved forward by carrying a grudge.

Polish Your Personal Bests — Rev up your energy and designate regular time to exploring and recognizing your personal best assets in every aspect of your life. Shine them to a dazzling glow.

Feel and Express Gratitude — Give thanks in your head, in your heart, and with your voice for every blessing bestowed on you. Never overlook the simple fact that those around you shower blessing on you. Say thank you.

Live Tranquilly — Quiet your monkey brain. Take time to rest. Meditate and bring peace to each day. Pass this on to others.

Respect Humility — No matter how impressive your skills, no matter how great your beauty, no matter how massive your wealth, there is always room for you to improve.

Maximize Your Righteous Power — Some kinds of power corrupt, but power from kindness, sharing, self-knowledge, love, and spiritual dedication are unbeatable.

There. Those are the strong stones upon which to build the foundation of your best life. I defy you to be unhappy or unfulfilled if you embrace these powerful tenets and put them to their proper uses. Namaste.

This is me in another lifetime. ;-) on Twitpic

2011-09-10T11:23:00.000-07:00

This is me in another lifetime. ;-) on Twitpic

What's my core message? www.gangaji.org

2011-08-30T17:14:00.000-07:00

30 Ways to Nourish Your Mind, Body and Soul

2011-08-30T11:11:00.000-07:00

30 Ways to Nourish Your Mind, Body and Soul
By Psychic Agnes

There is no better journey than living your best life. It is something we can all accomplish with a little patience, time, effort, and self-support. There is no such thing as ultimate perfection, but it possible to gain what is perfect for you to find happiness and contentment. Your life belongs solely to you in regards to loving yourself. Love for oneself gets stronger with practice and attentive action. Self-worth is the key which allows us to do, live, and believe all that we can perceive. Your mind, body, and soul can be fully enjoyed if you are willing to be bold. Here are thirty ways to allow the benefits to unfold and gain self-control.

1. Think and believe there is nothing you desire which can’t be achieved.

2. Never forget to love yourself first and appreciate your worth.

3. Accept your beauty, faults, flaws and all as part of your goodness.

4. Every now and again focus solely on your needs and happiness.

5. Remove all things, people, and places that don’t support your best interests.

6. Experience things independently and openly as your own best friend.

7. Gift yourself as much as you are willing to gift anyone else.

8. Don’t ignore your intuition, intellect, pride, emotions, desires, or wisdom.

9. Set aside time for learning and experiencing new things.

10. Surround yourself in physical, material and emotional comfort.

11. Stand up for yourself even when you don’t have the agreement of anyone else.

12. Value your own opinion about what is good for you.

13. Do not allow family or friendships to define your will, purpose, or happiness.

14. Be kind to yourself when you make a mistake while allowing yourself to give and take.

15. Discover the spiritual connection that makes sense and works for you.

16. Place high value on your personal truths and practices.

17. Accept relationships which compliment your life and ignore the ones that don’t.

18. Decide for yourself whom you want to be or become.

19. Show attentive care to meet your physical, mental, and emotional needs.

20. Live just as you are pleased and let your mind be eased.

21. Always have a contingency plan when things don’t work out or a means to adjust.

22. Never be afraid to walk away from harmful people, places, or things.

23. Don’t trouble yourself to justify the things you want, believe, or need.

24. Give and allow yourself all the things you want from someone else.

25. Don’t relinquish your personal power and authority over your own life.

26. Remember that life itself is a gift and nourish it.

27. Reach for joy and happiness until it becomes your reality.

28. Give yourself constant emotional, physical, mental relief from all forms of grief.

29. Chase ill-feelings away before allowing them to get in your way.

30. Protect and believe in yourself even if it means abandoning something or someone else.

It is hard to get living wrong as long as you are able, mindful, and willing to be strong. Your spirit is boundless and unlimited. Don’t waste or give your time focusing on regret as something better usually comes next. Your mind, body, and soul deserve gratitude and understanding. Once you fully and completely love yourself, it becomes easily seen, respected and admired by someone else.

Creativity & Life Coaching: Healing Dreams: Exploring the Dreams That Can Tran...

2011-08-29T08:15:00.000-07:00

Creativity & Life Coaching: Healing Dreams: Exploring the Dreams That Can Tran...: Healing Dreams: Exploring the Dreams That Can Transform Your Life by - Powell's Books

Daily I Ching Hexagram Free from Tarot.com

2011-08-26T12:43:00.000-07:00

Daily I Ching Hexagram Free from Tarot.com

Trinidadian Women: Find Time For Friends

2011-08-23T17:25:00.000-07:00

Trinidadian Women: Find Time For Friends

In Trinidad, they call it "liming" -- relaxing and hanging out with people who understand you, support your goals and will give you a boost if your motivation sags. Experts say making time for some encouragement could help you drop a few dress sizes, too. According to a University of Pittsburgh study, 66 percent of weight-conscious people who spent an hour weekly with folks who were also striving to get slim and fit, were able to lose weight and keep it off long-term. The go-it-aloners? Only 24 percent of them successfully slimmed.

Why it Works: Losing weight is a long-term project and can be a fair bit of work, note University of Michigan researchers. Being surrounded by people who “get” what you’re going through can keep you on track toward your goal. Participants in a 2005 New England study lost 10 percent more weight when they worked out with a partner.

* Filed Under:
o cooking healthy,
o diet and fitness,
o food,
o getting healthy,
o healthy eating,
o weight loss

Read More http://www.ivillage.com/slim-down-secrets-women-around-world/4-b-371513#ixzz1Vu1nL0tk
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Weight Loss Wake Up Call

2011-08-16T12:22:00.000-07:00

Weight Loss Wake Up Call
By Carmen Honacker
Get With the Program and Get Healthy!

We live in a society that condemns and discriminates against being overweight. It’s instilled early on that being thin means being successful and attractive. Yet what’s sold as attractive is so far off the grid that a mere 1% of the population actually meets the requirements. Having said that, though, there’s the other extreme, where all health issues and good advice are completely ignored, and gluttony rules above all.

I have been on both sides of the fence. There was a time when I was really skinny and a time when I was pretty overweight; although I stopped myself before I crossed the line to obesity. This “line” is different for everyone. I found it to be not too different from being a drug addict when it comes to the vicious cycle it creates and overcoming the hard-wiring that keeps you from doing the right thing. So what exactly got me to turn it all around? Well, I had reached my own personal “maximum density” at a size 14. I was also diagnosed with high blood pressure and high cholesterol, I had no energy, my back always hurt and I simply felt like crap.

I started my journey to health almost two years ago, and here’s what I found…

1. It’s All In Your Head!

If you cannot fix your head, you won’t fix your body. It’s as simple as that. Your brain, specifically your reward center, craves carbs and sugars. You are addicted to both of them, and getting rid of the cravings and addiction is quite difficult and, in some cases, impossible to do on your own. Also, any and all negative thoughts you have about yourself, i.e. “I can’t do it,” “I won’t lose the weight,” “This is too difficult,” etc., reside in your unconscious; which is the driving force to create your reality in your conscious mind! Hence, I started with the head and went to hypnotherapy for weight loss. The image my hypnotherapist instilled in my unconscious about how I wanted to look and feel is always present and dictates my behaviors and choices in the now. Not treating the head will only end up in failure, once the initial excitement has worn off and the real work begins.

2. There’s Nothing Quick About It

Oh, how I hate the fads and quick weight loss diets all kinds of infomercials and “experts” promise to you. It’s all a lie! Losing weight permanently and efficiently requires lasting and consistent changes to one’s diet and lifestyle! Diets fail, because once we start eating “normal” again, we pack the weight back on and then some. Also, no diet works without exercise! In two years I have gone down to a size 6/8 and have lost about 12% body fat. Anyone who promises you to lose 10% or more body fat in three months is full of crap; unless you have no job, go to the gym seven days a week (for about three hours) and restrict yourself to a 1,000 calorie diet. Good luck with that!

3. Diets

By “diet” one should consider permanent changes to what one eats. I did it by keeping a food log. Everything I ate, no matter how small, was logged and accounted for. It’s quite a wake-up call when you see how much you thought you ate, versus what you actually consume! Then one can go about eliminating or cutting down on certain things. For me that meant sugars and white flower/processed foods and fast food.

4. Exercise

Turns out you have to work out if you want to lose weight, period! Not only does regular exercise speed up your metabolism, but it also creates endorphins, responsible for one’s feelings of well-being and happiness. I knew that I needed help here, too, so I opted for personal trainers, and I’m still with mine! Why? Because a trainer holds me accountable when I don’t feel like going to the gym and when it’s “too hard.” Plus, he will make sure that I progress, that I don’t injure myself, and that I reach my goals. He will push me when I think I can’t go on, or can’t do better. My trainer motivates and encourages me and keeps track of how far I have come; which is an excellent tool when it comes to staying with the program. You should see how amped up you are once you lose inches from your waist!

5. Genes

Here’s another thing no one talks about: your genes. There’s a reason that not all of us can be skinny and tall, for example. Fighting genes is the hardest thing in the equation, and there is only so far one can go when it comes to overcoming them! Not all of us are natural runners, sprinters, dancers or body builders. And sometimes you can only go so far before you hit the wall. This wall approaches quicker with passing age and is also determined by how long you have been inactive.

There comes a time in our life when we either become complacent and make excuses, or we, literally, get with the program. Guess which one holds the higher reward?

Dr. Oz's Healthy Habits for Today

2011-08-16T11:00:00.000-07:00

Add More Flavor to Your Food

Your spice rack is full of beneficial, anti-aging powers. The every day superstars? Dr. Oz says research shows that cinnamon can decrease blood sugar levels and lower cholesterol, especially in people with type 2 diabetes. Paprika and cayenne pepper can help fight high blood pressure and improve circulation. In lab studies, he says, eating rosemary has been shown to improve learning rates in rats—data that has been reproduced in humans. Even ginger can decrease blood pressure, alleviate arthritis pain and reduce your risk of cancer.

Keep Reading: Dr. Oz's Ultimate Anti-Aging Checklist

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/health/Healthy-Habits-for-Today-This-Week-and-This-Month/5#ixzz1VDX61dHp

Identify Your Passions

2011-08-15T19:27:00.000-07:00

by Susanne Goldstein

One way to figure out what you want to do, and align that with what you're good at is to identify what passions drive you to get out of bed in the morning, what interests captivate your attention and what skills you have to offer. I call the place where these three overlapping circles intersect the Sweet Spot (see diagram). Your Sweet Spot can help you discover the essence of your brand, and is an essential component of differentiating yourself from other hungry job seekers.

* Ask the most creative person in your life to help you do the following brainstorming exercise to discover your Sweet Spot.
* Grab three sheets of paper and some colored pens. Title one page with Passions, another with Interests, and the third page with Skills.
* Fill in the pages using the definitions above, being as open-minded as you can be. Once finished, randomly select one item from each list and begin brainstorming interesting things that you could do with your life that would allow you to work at the place where your Passions, Interests and Skills intersect.
* Example: Passion - experiencing new things. Interest - learning about different cultures. Skill - writing. Brainstorm idea - Travel the world, experience new things and meet people of varying backgrounds. Write a professional travel blog or for a magazine.

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

2011-08-15T13:36:00.000-07:00

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda
How to Turn Regret into a Life Booster
By Sara Reistad-Long

It's pretty safe to say that everybody, at one point or another, has felt the pain of regret—a missed opportunity, perhaps, or the sense of having made a mistake. But when Abigail Stewart, PhD, a professor of psychology and women's studies at the University of Michigan, started tracking women in their late 30s, she found that this pain can be turned to your advantage. Specifically, Stewart has shown that women who take action on the basis of their regrets—getting a job if they felt they'd left the workforce prematurely, going back to school—score higher on physical and psychological measures of well-being later in life. The key, she says, is acknowledging the thing you wish you'd done, or done differently, without fixating on it, and using it as a motivator to make changes. In a bereavement study she's working on now, subjects who didn't dwell on what they failed to say or do not only recovered faster but reported positive effects like newfound wisdom and self-awareness. To transform a regret into a life enhancer:

* Stop obsessing. Consider that stewing over something in your past may be holding you back from enjoying life in the future and, at the very least, is not the best way to cope. Interestingly, a study this year in the European Archives of Psychiatry and Clinical Neuroscience suggests that ruminating can more closely resemble avoidance than problem solving.

* Figure out how to make up for what's happened. Once you've identified a regret, ask yourself whether you can make up for it now. Maybe you wish you'd invested more in your career; if so, look into ways to do that. Break down your plan into bite-size components. "Small steps may feel like dragging the process out, but because they're likely to be manageable and therefore confidence boosting, this strategy tends to ensure success in the long run," says Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, PhD, a professor of psychology at Yale and author of Women Who Think Too Much.

* Reframe the past. If your regret can't be corrected (the ex-boyfriend married someone else, the relative you never told your feelings to died), Stewart's research has determined two effective approaches, both of which involve coming up with a favorable narrative of the past events. "You don't have to do anything to counteract the problem directly," she stresses. "The goal is to figure out, 'How can I accept that this is in my life and not let it define me?'"

In the first method, "putting the best face on things," the key is to pinpoint the ways the event you regret contributed positively to your story. This means framing your thoughts in "if…then" constructions, such as "If I hadn't moved far away from my family, I wouldn't have met my husband" or "Had I gotten married then, I wouldn't have pushed myself so hard to start my own business."

The second strategy, called "coming to terms," requires deeper work. Here you have to make peace with what happened, often forgiving yourself and those involved. Through such a lens, your conclusion might sound something like "I regret that I didn't see my mother more in the years before she passed away, but the decision made sense for who I was at the time."

Whichever method you choose, Stewart emphasizes that you're priming yourself for success. "If you try, getting past regret is a likelihood," she says. "People seem to be able to deal with almost anything."

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/How-to-Turn-Regret-into-Motivation#ixzz1V8Jmgibo

What's Your Real Motivation?

2011-08-15T13:30:00.000-07:00

What's Your Real Motivation?
Discover the key advice that will get you where you want to go.
By Liz Brody

We all want to be healthier, but why? What's our real purpose? Even the strongest resolve can collapse if you're trying to change for someone else—get thinner for a spouse, quit smoking for a nagging mother, exercise because you're supposed to. "To get motivated in a healthy way, start by asking yourself a series of questions," says Marianne Legato, MD, founder of the Partnership for Gender-Specific Medicine at Columbia University, whose latest book is Why Men Die First: How to Lengthen Your Lifespan.

These questions, compiled by Legato and her LLuminari colleagues, may seem difficult to answer at first, but the point is to get you digging down to a place where your intentions become clear. If a question seems particularly intimidating, think of it as a lake whose waters are deep and cold. Dip your toe in, letting your body adjust to the bracing temperature. Then dunk a foot, a leg, until you're all the way in. You may want to write down thoughts or just roll them over in your mind.

Part of this exercise is to remind yourself about what you—as opposed to everyone else around you—need in order to feel happy and fulfilled. If you don't make time for what matters to you, how can others value your importance?

1. Who am I? How do I think of myself? What are my strengths and weaknesses?

2. Who do I want to be?

3. Why am I here? Why am I important? What is my mission?

4. What am I missing? The time to read a book? A close friendship?

5. What's my motivation for wanting to improve my food and exercise habits? If it's to look better, do I expect favorable results to bring love?

6. Am I afraid of making changes or of taking risks (quitting a boring job, getting out of a bad relationship)? Do I fear failure or the responsibility that could come with success? Could I embrace change instead as an adventure?

7. What has stopped me from keeping resolutions in the past? Is the obstacle (or obstacles) still present in my life? If so, how will I navigate it this time?

8. When I'm tempted to wander off track, what could I say to myself, or do, to stick with the original plan?

9. How can I build in support for myself? Ask a friend to be a health buddy? Join a walking club?

10. What am I doing in my life that's hurting me? Smoking? Drinking too much? Letting work interfere with relationships?

11. What are the sources of joy I need to feel whole?

12. Am I happy?

If you don't have the energy to make changes now, ask yourself these questions again in a month or two. And consider that in order to part with what has become habit or routine, you may simply need to take a leap of faith. "So many of us are in jobs we hate or relationships that are stagnant, but we're too paralyzed to change," says surgeon Nancy Snyderman, MD, whose books include Dr. Nancy Snyderman's Guide to Good Health for Women over Forty. "As we age, we stop taking risks."

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/How-to-Get-Motivated-to-Change-Your-Lifestyle-LLuminari-Guide#ixzz1V8IAevuP

Conquer Your Roadblocks

2011-08-12T12:28:00.000-07:00

Conquer Your Roadblocks
August 11, 2011 at 5:00 am
By Holly Allender
Break Through Anything that Stands in Your Way

Psychic Paige explains that when we listen to the nay-sayers, those who say it can’t be done, we are putting up roadblocks to our success. Although these nay-sayers might be friends, family or co-workers and they might mean well, what are their motivations? Are they afraid you might fail? Are they fearful that you might get hurt? By allowing them to define your life path, instant roadblocks are created. Sometimes the roadblocks are undetectable, deep in our subconscious.

Sometimes the roadblock comes from within. That small voice Paige talks about is your conscious/subconscious trying to guide you towards your goals. When you ignore it, you create your own roadblocks.

I dreamed of becoming a massage therapist. However, I didn’t think I could do it because I worked full time and it would be expensive. One day, I decided to see if I could do it. If not, I could leave the dream in the dust. Much to my surprise, I found a school nearby with evening and weekend classes. I even found a way to pay for my classes. So I did it. I’m now a certified massage therapist. If I had allowed my thoughts to predict my future, I wouldn’t have achieved one of my dreams.

By reconnecting to your inner voice, you’ll remove roadblocks very quickly. If you’ve never heard the voice or have long forgotten what it sounded like, use these tips to help reconnect to your inner voice.

1. Meditation: It’s Not What You Think

Meditation can mean sitting for long hours thinking about nothing. However, in this meditation, we want to sit and listen to ourselves. Begin by sitting comfortably in a quiet place. Breathe deeply in and out of your nose, slowly and repeatedly. Allow your mind and thoughts to focus on your inhales and exhales. Then, as an observer, watch what thoughts float to the surface. There’s no need to interact with the thoughts. Instead, allow yourself to remember these thoughts when you come out of the meditative state.

2. Yoga Pose

If sitting quietly is too challenging, then do some yoga! Again, breathe in and out through your nose and allow your thoughts to focus on the breath and the pose. As you’re doing the poses, watch your thoughts. There’s no need to interact with them, just make note what the voice or voices are saying.

3. Creative Writing

If meditation or doing yoga are not compelling, sit with a journal or at your computer. Breath deeply in and out through your nose (noticing a trend here?). When the first thought pops into your head, write it down and keep writing until the thoughts start to repeat themselves or until you feel you’ve heard enough.

Now that you’ve connected to the voice, is it surprising everything it had to say? Was it all positive? Was it all negative? Or was it a mix between the two? It really doesn’t matter what you heard, what did you learn?

When doing these exercises, I found out that my inner voice was rather smart, insightful, jealous, mean and wonderful. By listening to the voice, I saw my path more clearly. I understood where my instincts and gut reactions were coming from and why. Since I became a certified massage therapist, I’ve gone on to conquer many more dreams. May you clear the path ahead to achieve your dreams.

How to Forgive Yourself

2011-08-11T20:00:00.000-07:00

How to Forgive Yourself
Dr. Phil's 5 Steps to Forgiving Yourself
by Dr.Phil McGraw
Don't be miserable for the rest of your life. Dr. Phil reveals his 5-step plan to create a new relationship with yourself.

Dr. Phil says that you have the power to be miserable the rest of your life. Or, you can say, "I'm going to give myself the permission to heal." You have to decide whether you're going to define a new relationship with yourself and remove the roadblocks that are blocking your path to living your best life.

Step One: Reopen your heart and mind again.
When you are faced with terrible pain, your heart and mind slam shut. Opening yourself up again is a choice in terms of how you contextualize what happened to you. It allows you to say, "I am willing to consider that there is another way to adjust."

Step Two: Choose to love yourself again.
Guilt is a wastebasket term that we use to cover everything negative and bad. One defining factor of guilt is that we commit the ultimate betrayal: abandoning ourselves. If you can't love yourself, you won't be able to heal yourself.

Step Three: Confront and demystify your guilt.
Most people have the misconception that our depth of grief reflects the level of love for the person we've lost. It's not a betrayal of your loved one to go past the pain and deal with it in a different way. Demystifying the guilt means understanding the fear.

Step Four: Give yourself permission to heal.
Part of forgiving yourself is understanding that you don't have to be punished. Give yourself permission to let go of the pain. If you have a wounded heart, you can't give good and pure love to anyone else.

Step Five: Actively create new relationships.
If you've been unable to forgive yourself, it's possible that you've been holding yourself up to unrealistic expectations. You need to decide whether you want to continue living in pain. Once you've made that decision, you need to create a new relationship with yourself.

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Rituals-for-Forgiveness/3#ixzz1UmURXXig

5 Easy Ways to Cut Your Calories in Half

2011-08-11T14:39:00.000-07:00

5 Easy Ways to Cut Your Calories in Half
The road to a healthy body means sacrificing some deliciousness (but not all).
By Liz Brody
O, The Oprah Magazine | From O, The Oprah Magazine

Getting Started: For one week, keep a food diary: Every time you put something in your mouth, record the time, the food, how much you ate, and how you felt afterward (still hungry, full, satisfied, etc.). Most people don't realize how much they're eating until they write it down.

In an ideal world: A woman eats only when she's hungry. She has no obsessive tendencies toward food. And her diet is 15 to 25 percent protein; 20 to 30 percent fat, of which no more than 10 percent is saturated fat; and 45 to 60 percent vegetables, fruits, and whole grains, with small amounts of white starches like pasta and sugar.

Let's get real: That woman is a rare species. So if you're not hitting all the marks, don't beat yourself up; at least you've got a lot of dinner companions. If you tend to feel really guilty when you eat a "bad" food (ice cream, chocolate) and maybe even punish yourself by doubling your workout or skipping dinner that night, Alice Domar, PhD, director of the Mind/Body Center for Women's Health at Boston IVF, suggests trying to develop a kinder attitude toward food—for the sake of your mind as well as your body. One strategy is to follow an 80/20 plan of eating. "If 80 percent of what you eat is the really good stuff—fruits, whole grains—the other 20 percent can be the foods you really want," Domar says. "In other words, one Krispy Kreme is nothing to feel guilty about. It's in your 20 percent."

Take a step: Domar suggests trying to make one change in your diet this month. That's one—not two or three. The idea is to make that change in increments, each week building on the last, so it's as painless as possible. Pick from the following:

If you take cream in your coffee: Week one, switch to whole milk; week two, use 2 percent fat milk; week three, 1 percent; week four, nonfat.

To increase your grains: Go from white bread to sourdough or Italian bread, then to fortified bread, then to whole grain bread.

If you cook a lot with hamburger, switch from full-fat meat to lower fat, then lean, then mix in some ground turkey, and finally use the turkey with very little or no beef.

For ice cream addicts: Switch from your premium scoop to a supermarket brand, then low-fat ice cream or yogurt, then sorbet.

Instead of drinking soda: Fill a glass three-quarters full with your favorite juice and the rest seltzer; then mix them half and half, then one-quarter juice and three-quarters seltzer, and finally try no-calorie flavored bubbly water.

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/health/Weight-Loss-Cutting-and-Burning-Half-Your-Daily-Calories#ixzz1UlBkncYF

http://myemail.constantcontact.com/Wellness---Writing-Connections-Newsletter-August-2011.html?soid=1102000674730&aid=pFDORUD3HEQ

2011-08-09T20:12:00.000-07:00

http://myemail.constantcontact.com/Wellness---Writing-Connections-Newsletter-August-2011.html?soid=1102000674730&aid=pFDORUD3HEQ

Let it Go! Drop the Past and Grab Your Future

2011-08-07T11:22:00.000-07:00

Let it Go! Drop the Past and Grab Your Future
By Carmen Honacker
Don’t Let the Past Get in the Way of Your Future

Most of us have a hard time letting go of bad memories or times when we have been wronged or abused. Sometimes, holding on for a short while can aid us in becoming stronger and making better decisions in the future; but when we’re unable to learn, or refuse to learn, or when we have learned and still hold on, we become stuck. And when be become stuck, our “bad” memories turn into a toxic dump that’s eating us up from the inside out. Literally!

Holding on to things that no longer serve you will make you physically and mentally ill. There is no worse killer of a sound body and mind than a sick attachment to the past and the people in it. The older we get, the sicker we become, until we are an island of toxic waste; the persons we once complained about, the sick behaviors we ranted and raved about, may now have become our own, and we’re stuck in our own version of reality; unable to see it. Hence, we continue living a miserable life, filled with regret, driving those around us insane, until the day we die. And when we lay on our death bed, we can’t look bad and say “what a ride,” instead we have nothing inside of us but pain, sorrow, anger and misery.

This isn’t what we’re meant to be or meant to do! This is not our destiny, and we can choose differently. No matter how often we have been wronged, and what abuse we may have endured; no matter what nutjobs made our lives hell, we can always choose to come out of it, always! It’s never “too late” to change if we choose. It’s too late when we started believing our own hype and are now caught up in what we call “real.”

How does one release one’s crappy past? Well, that depends on one’s baggage. The bigger the skeletons in the closet, the bigger the chance that you won’t be able to do it alone and without help. This isn’t a bad thing, and it sure as hell doesn’t make you weak! Weak is stubbornly looking the other way, giving up and whining that you “can’t.” Weak is not taking responsibility for your quality of life and for refusing to see how your chosen misery touches the lives of those around you; and how you make them miserable, too!

There are plenty of therapists and therapy styles; there’s yoga, meditation and there are self-help books. In other words, there is more material on getting well than one could possibly ever consume in a lifetime. If your life sucks and the quality of your life is miserable, then do something about it. Got crappy friends? Don’t have the relationships, friends, career or money you want? Do something about it! Start by taking an honest look at yourself, ask a few “trusted” advisors, preferably people who actually live the life you want, and then get help.

One awesome tool my therapist taught me is purging! Write it down. Write letters, emails, notes, and journals; whatever you want. You don’t even have to send them, although you can if necessary (just be prepared for any consequences your confrontation may have!). Very important about this exercise, do it to get it off your chest, not to attach an outcome or expect change! If you expect an outcome, you’ll set yourself up for failure all over again.

People do not change for you or for me. People won’t magically learn to hear you, won’t suddenly see things your way, be responsible, accountable or learn to care. No, my friend, that part you cannot expect. Most people who harm others will continue to do so; nothing you say or do will change that. But if you simply need to speak your truth, do it! Go for it, set yourself free and walk away. No back and forth arguing, no trying to “change their mind,” no hanging on to expecting an apology or a reconciliation of any sort. Just release the crap and then let it go for good!

I have learned in therapy to do this. Once I started purging my skeletons, my life became easier. What was even more amazing to me is that my therapist taught me how to stop blaming myself and feeling guilty when I confronted someone who had abused or wronged me. The outcome was and still is liberating. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t wander around wielding my sword of justice (although that is what I do well ;-D ); I do, however speak up in situations that I literally swallowed before. And what I found is that I simply feel a great sense of pleasure from no longer allowing others to use me, badmouth, or simply harm me. I don’t feel guilty (after all, I give you ample warning before I “strike”) and I don’t get caught up too much in the BS anymore.

Sure, this is a process; and a long one for me so far. Sure, there are times when I slip, because none of this comes as naturally to me as it should, but with practice I’m getting better, and with that I am getting stronger and healthier. I no longer “hold it in” and I don’t pretend to be fine. There is a fine line between being able to forgive and being a doormat. I always opted for “taking the high road,” which meant that at a specific point, I’d drop the conversation and simply never speak to the person again. However, I would hold it inside and I would obsess about it, because the other one “got away with it,” while I still held the pain inside. The army of jerks that was stuck in my “closet” was quite large and the pain I felt reliving their BS was debilitating. If you think “they” are going through the same hell, you are probably mistaken. Most jerks not only justify their actions and words, but continue them; and you, my friend, won’t change that.

Once you start releasing your pain, your whole life will turn around. The lighter your load gets, the lighter your life becomes. You’ll start having more light than dark days, you’ll laugh more, cry less, worry less, trust more (in the right places) and find yourself attracting all the things you want.

Having a light heart is the key to happiness and success. Holding on to your BS is only going to make you miserable, while the rest of the world stops listening to you, avoiding you, until one day, you’ll find yourself truly and utterly alone; regarded as the bitter, whiny, crybaby you have become. And who wants that fate? Not I, and you shouldn’t either!

regain your balance “in the heat of the moment”

2011-08-06T11:12:00.000-07:00

4 Stress Busting Tips
By Psychic Yemaya

As we see children growing up and learning, their biggest obstacle is usually their own frustration, and that’s true of adults as well! When we’re stressed out or frustrated, we don’t handle things well. We’re in danger of overreacting or lashing out, and perhaps doing something we’ll regret later. Your body is in danger from stress as well—these are the things that can shave years off the healthy quality of your life. Each time you stress out, you’re causing perhaps irrevocable damage to small blood vessels, synapse structures in the brain, or the tissues around the heart, etc, etc….

So how can you regain your balance “in the heat of the moment”?

I study how to modify behaviors as well as different therapies or programs to deal with them. One of my favorites for dealing with stress in the moment is “H.A.L.T.” This system suggests that when you’re too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired you need to be very careful of your emotions, and reactions (hence…H.A.L.T.) and the second you are aware that your stress is building or your getting irritated…you stop what you’re doing (to the best of your ability) and reset and calm yourself.

How do you reset?

1. Take a moment to go to another room, or excuse yourself for a bathroom trip. Perhaps go outside if you can. In other words, step away from the source of stress if you can.

2. Stop your mind from churning. Focus on s-l-o-w, even breaths in and out, count as you breathe in, and again as you breathe all the way out. Lengthen each breath until it’s as long and deep and slow as you can go. This actually forces your body to calm down which is half the battle!

3. Before you think through the situation, or even consider it, you need to center. This spiritual term is about pulling your energy back into your body. Focus your awareness on the flow of energy around your core, your spine; your chakras. More advanced students can use the associated chakra colors, or tones, to balance each of the seven points (you can look them up on Wikipedia!). If you’re just learning, simply being aware of pulling your energy back into your core, along with the focus on slowing your breath is enough.

4. Grounding is also a spiritual term about feeling yourself attached to the ground (earth, gravitational pull, solid foundation) below your feet. By shifting your focus to where your body touches the earth, you are attaching to something around you that is much bigger and denser… like letting your negative emotions go into a much bigger container, and drawing the calm and positive energy from that space… into yourself!

Now deciding how to handle the situation will be easier. When something is bothering you, talk to someone about it! If you don’t feel safe talking to someone in your life, find a professional that will be a confidential listener.

Have Question? Find Answers...: Women's Forum: BraveHeart Women

2011-08-06T10:54:00.000-07:00

Have Question? Find Answers...: Women's Forum: BraveHeart Women

Resistant starch: The new power nutrient

2011-08-02T13:59:00.000-07:00

Resistant starch: The new power nutrient
by Mary Lee Chin

Learn more at: www.maryleechin.com

March National Nutrition Month 2008 It’s always been fascinating to work in the field of nutrition. New and interesting nutrition science research findings constantly emerge. The challenge is to tease out the relevant and truly useful information, from the promises of quick fixes. For 2008 March National Nutrition Month, I am going to explore something new and a bit different. While this may be the first time you have heard of it, it’s actually been a part of your diet most of your life. Research, well-documented and replicated, points to the health benefits of a component in starchy food called resistant starch, a type of dietary fiber.

Those on low-carb diets may have been avoiding starchy foods such as potatoes, grains, beans, corn, rice, bread, pasta and cornflakes, billed as causing blood sugars to rise, and packing on unneeded calories. But all these foods contain resistant starch, formed particularly when cooked starchy foods are cooled.

Keep it cool Cooking causes starch to absorb water and swell. As it slowly cools, portions of the starch crystallize into a form that resists digestion. Cooling either at room temperature or preferably in the refrigerator will raise resistant starch levels. Don’t reheat. That breaks up the crystals, causing resistant starch levels to plummet.

It gets its name because it “resists” digestion in the body, and though this is true of many types of fiber, what makes resistant starch so special is the impact it has on weight loss and health overall.

Health benefits More than 160 studies have examined this little-known nutrient’s health and weight-loss benefits. A WHO Expert Consultation on Human Nutrition statement, "One of the major developments in our understanding of the importance of carbohydrates for health in the past twenty years has been the discovery of resistant starch.”

Weight Resistant starch has shown that can it increase your body’s ability to burn fat. Escaping digestion in the small intestine, it passes to the large bowel for fermentation, and creates a beneficial short-chain fatty acid called butyrate. Butyrate may block the body’s ability to burn carbohydrates. Instead the body burns both stored fat and recently consumed fat for energy---preventing it from ending up on your thighs.

It shuts down hunger hormones. Animal studies have found that resistant starch prompts the body to stimulate production of a satiety-inducing hormone, a peptide (PYY), which increases feelings of fullness. You eat less.

Cancer Research shows that the butyrate created by resistant starch is protective of colon cells, making it less vulnerable to the DNA damage which can lead to cancer. It can also create a pH drop inside the colon, which boosts the absorption of calcium and blocks the absorption of cancer-causing substances.

Diabetes Like other fibers, resistant starch helps control blood sugar levels. Because it skips routine digestion, researchers see lower blood sugar and insulin levels following a resistant starch-rich meal. Another exciting area of research is looking at its ability to improve insulin sensitivity.

How to eat enough Right now, there is no recommendation from USDA for resistant starch intake. Preliminary data shows the average American woman consumes about 4 grams of resistant starch each day. Nutrition experts believe the research is strong enough to advocate doubling that to 8 grams per day. Simply adding ½ to 1 cup of cooled resistant starch-rich food per day can help you get to that level.

Tips for adding resistant starch to your diet

Beans 8 grams per ½ cup
Ø Dust off your recipe for a traditional Three-bean Salad
Ø Snack on hummus or bean dip with whole grain crackers or crisp carrot sticks
Ø Savor Spicy Black, Pinto Bean and Corn Salsa (recipe below)

Bananas (slightly green) 6 grams per small piece of fruit
Ø Slice and mix with yogurt and granola
Ø Top a favorite curry with banana chunks
Ø Think kid…peanut butter and raisins on banana for classic “Ants on a Log”

Potatoes and yams 4 grams per ½ cup
Ø Serve cold potato salad
Ø Toss chilled, chunked red potatoes into a green salad
Ø Go elegant and serve Vichyssoise--cold potato soup

Barley 3 grams per ½ cup
Ø Create a cold barley salad of cooked cooled barley, red peppers, peas and Italian dressing
Ø Sprinkle onto leafy green garden salads
Ø Mix with chopped fresh basil, olives and olive oil and stuff into hollowed tomatoes

Corn 2 grams per half cup
Ø Combine cooked cooled corn with tomatoes, cucumbers and green onions
Ø Sprinkle on top of your green salads
Ø Wrap it up in your taco

Spicy Black, Pinto Bean and Corn Salsa

2 - 14 ounce cans black beans, drained
1 - 14 ounce can pinto beans, drained
1 - 14 ounce can corn, drained
3 large tomatoes, chopped
½ medium red onion, chopped, or I bunch scallions, chopped
1 bottle hot sauce (I used ½ bottle of Cholula’s)
1 clove garlic, minced
1 T balsamic vinegar
1 T olive oil
½ bunch cilantro, chopped

Combine all. Good served immediately but even better if it can sit in refrigerator for an hour for flavors to blend. Serve with whole grain corn chips as a dip, or over chopped green lettuce for a main meal salad.

Deconstructing Franny: Super-Carbs Speed Metabolism

2011-08-02T13:51:00.000-07:00

There are "resistant starches" that help prevent the foods that contain it from being stored as fat. They quoted David Feder, R.D. (author of The Skinny Carbs Diet) "Most starches are broken down into glucose and released into the bloodstream in the small intestine. But digestive enzymes can't break up resistant starch molecules, so they're not converted into sugar." The article went on to state that because digestive enzymes can't break down resistant starch, the body absorbs up to 50% fewer calories from foods that contain it. Resistant starch also helps move fat molecules through the digestive tract more quickly

Upon researching the topic further I found a blogpost by Mary Lee Chin MS, RD that in regards to Weight "Resistant starch has shown that it can increase your body’s ability to burn fat. Escaping digestion in the small intestine, it passes to the large bowel for fermentation, and creates a beneficial short-chain fatty acid called butyrate. (It is believed that ) Butyrate blocks the body’s ability to burn carbohydrates. Instead the body burns both stored fat and recently consumed fat for energy---preventing it from ending up on your thighs.

It shuts down hunger hormones. Animal studies have found that resistant starch prompts the body to stimulate production of a satiety-inducing hormone, a peptide (PYY), which increases feelings of fullness. You eat less."

AH-MAZ-ING!

Apparently the trick is (that the FIRST article failed to mention) is that if these starches are cool they work even more efficiently.
The list of RS foods include:
Long Grain Brown Rice
Beans (black, navy, pinto, red Black-eyed peas, Garbanzo Beans, Edamame, etc)
banana (medium slightly under ripe)
Yams and Potatoes (small and cooked)
Hummus
Corn
Hi-Maize Flour (King Arthur) *can be used along with any recipe calling for flour

read more about it here , here and here

The FIRST Magazine recommends consuming 20 grams of RS starch per day. 4 daily servings of 5 grams would work. So I'm going to give this a shot for two weeks, anything bigger than a 4lb weight loss I am going to attribute to my consumption of Resistant Starches.
http://deconstructingfranny.blogspot.com

The newest way to work your abs.

2011-08-01T11:06:00.000-07:00

Gratitude - with Deepak Chopra

2011-08-01T11:00:00.000-07:00

Cure for Boredom

2011-07-31T07:38:00.000-07:00

Want a Cure for Boredom? Your Prescription is Ready.
By Nicole Hoelle

Television programming, the internet, and the streets of our major cities are snapping, crackling and popping with stimuli: advertisements for things to do, get, buy, all towards the singular end of being happy. Thus, when we begin to feel that inexplicable hunger or emptiness growing inside us we immediately want to fill it with something. We are inclined to do something differently, to do something more, or to look for a new toy or experience.

Perhaps we send charges of excitement into our inner black hole by hooking our senses up to any technological or media outlet we can find, whether it’s Facebook, the latest reality show or the newest mp3 download by our favorite group. Maybe we do something as seemingly innocuous as going to a movie or registering for a class.

However, the problem is, the more we throw into it, the deeper the pit inside seems to get, and the bigger and greater the things and experiences we need in order to (at least temporarily) appease its ever-widening fury.

The reason? Well, first of all, as Vedanta, an Eastern spiritual path, states, all of these things and experiences electrifying our streets, airways and shopping malls are just part of a grand illusion attempting to ensnare us. This illusion, or Maya, as it is called, is everything that we experience through our physical senses, and is basically a fraud, a sham, posing as real fulfillment and happiness. According to Vedanta, we don’t ever achieve happiness from the things of this world. In fact, the more we try to, the greater our dissatisfaction or world-weariness becomes.

That’s not to say that we should sit around doing nothing so as not to stir the emptiness. It’s simply the notion of running from one thing to another, in a frantic attempt to fill ourselves that they warn against. According to Vedanta, the greater the world-weariness, the louder our call to something much greater and promising—true fulfillment in the spiritual realm. That is, the more dissatisfied and world-weary we become, the more likely we are to look towards the spiritual.

Buddhists also regard boredom as a symptom of spiritual agitation:

“It is always something else, someone else, somewhere else; never now, never this. You may be eating a marvelous meal, delicious cuisine, but already you are thinking about the movie you are going to go to afterwards,” writes Ajahn Jagaro, former resident monk at the Buddhist Society of Western Australia.

The solution, according to the Buddhists, is not so much the spiritual realm as it is the realm of mindfulness. That is, boredom is really an indication that the mind is not here, present, alive in this moment, which is, according to Buddhists, the only moment and source of true happiness and spiritual enlightenment.

7 Lucky Ways to Feel Fortunate

2011-07-30T18:39:00.000-07:00

7 Lucky Ways to Feel Fortunate
By Taryn Galewind
Change Your Outlook on Life: Optimism 101

Optimists tend to look on the bright side. They value lemons for their awesome flavor and feel grateful that their glass is half full, never nearly empty. Looking at life optimistically can impact both mental and physical health. Balancing your optimism with realism keeps you stay in tune with the universe, and a positive mental attitude can bring you good fortune in business and in love. Try these seven lucky keys to unlock a new you.

1. See the positive in everything. If your lover walks out, you can wail and weep, or embrace the opportunity to find a better match or a chance to get to know what you really need in a partner.

2. Take a risk. Don’t always make the safest choices—step outside your envelope of comfort. Financial advisers tell clients to take the biggest acceptable risk. Decide what you can tolerate, then take your giant leap, always expecting to fly.

3. Be ready to change for good luck. Get out of that rut! See the world from a new point of view and be willing to reach inside yourself for a different perspective when you make choices. Try out skills you’ve never tested before.

4. Investigate the unusual. When opportunity knocks, answer the door. Serendipity is the discovery of something rare and valuable, be open to serendipity when you are confronted with something out of your ordinary.

5. Go looking for failure. Never be reluctant to try something because you fear failing. Failures and mistakes almost always give rise to our greatest successes. Treasure them as teaching moments.

6. Have a look at your horoscopes, numerology reports, past life readings, and any other form of interpreting your opportunities. You can control your destiny by believing in your own good fortune.

7. Be a little superstitious—take advantage of good fortune and positive omens. For example, a recent Psychology Today article said some birth months are apparently luckier than others. People born between March and August feel themselves to be luckier than those born September through February. Summer babies grow up more open-minded, less neurotic than winter tots. “May,” says the article, “is the luckiest month of all, so if you want a fortunate kid, try to get lucky in August.”

In a nutshell, turning your hopes skyward and putting your aspirations among the stars will take you a lot further and make you feel a lot better about your world.

New Reasons to Stay Positive

2011-07-25T13:06:00.000-07:00

Are Happy People Healthier? New Reasons to Stay Positive
By Nancy Gottesman
O, The Oprah Magazine

Scientists are finding more and more proof of the remarkable way our emotions can affect our immune system.

The powerful link between emotional outlook and physical health is no secret. "I didn't believe in it when I started out 40 years ago," says Martin Seligman, PhD, one of the preeminent experts in the field of positive psychology and author of the new book Flourish. "But the data has grown year after year, and it's become a scientific certainty." Good feelings, scientists now know, have healing effects on the body, and researchers studying everything from the flu to HIV continue to find eye-opening evidence that a person's mind-set can influence her immunity and the rate at which she heals from injuries and illness.

"When it comes to our health," says Seligman, "there are essentially four things under our control: the decision not to smoke, a commitment to exercise, the quality of our diet, and our level of optimism. And optimism is at least as beneficial as the others." Scientists don't yet fully understand the biological mechanisms at work, but they know that negative feelings like stress, sadness, and worry cause a spike in the hormone cortisol, which in turn suppresses the immune system. Here, then, are tips culled from the latest research on how to stay positive—and healthy.

Express Yourself
When you clear your head, good things happen to the rest of you. A study published in Psychosomatic Medicine reported that HIV patients who wrote about their worries for 30 minutes a day four days in a row experienced a drop in their viral load and a rise in infection-fighting T cells. Another study, in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, found that breast cancer patients who talked about their feelings regarding cancer had to schedule fewer doctors' visits for cancer-related problems.

Try Meditative Exercise
We know tai chi has all sorts of benefits, and here's one more: In research conducted at UCLA, 61 older adults took tai chi classes three times a week, while 61 others attended health education classes. At the end of four months, both groups received a dose of the shingles vaccine—and the tai chi group achieved twice the level of immunity. "It's likely the meditation component that is causing the effect," says study author Michael R. Irwin. "Which means it's possible other forms of meditative exercise, like yoga, would lead to a similar boost."

Seek Help If You Need It
A study by researchers at the University of Nottingham monitored the rate of healing in 93 people with foot ulcers, a skin injury common in diabetics. After six months, subjects who were clinically depressed and subjects who were not coping well emotionally with their condition showed less improvement. As a result of the findings, the university is developing a therapy program for diabetic patients. "We hope this intervention will help cut the risk of reulceration," says study author Kavita Vedhara, PhD.

Lean on Your Friends
Sheldon Cohen, PhD, is a psychology professor at Carnegie Mellon University and an expert on the link between social networks and health. In one of his studies, Cohen exposed 276 adults to the common cold virus. He wasn't surprised to find that smokers were three times more likely to get sick. But Cohen also found that subjects who had the least variety of social relationships fared even worse—they were 4.2 times more likely to catch a cold. One reason people with strong social ties are better at warding off infection may be that they have lower stress levels, Cohen says.

Look on the Bright Side
In another of Cohen's studies, he assessed 193 subjects to determine their level of positive emotions (including happiness, calmness, and liveliness). Again, he exposed participants to a virus—and found that people who scored low on positive emotions were three times as likely to succumb to the bug. (A few high-scoring participants fell ill, too, but they reported fewer symptoms than the average cold or flu sufferer normally experiences.) What's intriguing about this phenomenon, says Lara M. Stepleman, PhD, an assistant professor of psychiatry and health behavior at the Medical College of Georgia, is that "we all have the ability to choose an optimistic mind-set. And with practice, we can get better at it."

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/health/How-Your-Emotions-Affect-Your-Health-and-Immune-System#ixzz1T9PD7mNr

What's Your Real Motivation?

2011-07-03T17:55:00.000-07:00

What's Your Real Motivation?
Discover the key advice that will get you where you want to go.
By Liz Brody

Clouds on a Lake

We all want to be healthier, but why? What's our real purpose? Even the strongest resolve can collapse if you're trying to change for someone else—get thinner for a spouse, quit smoking for a nagging mother, exercise because you're supposed to. "To get motivated in a healthy way, start by asking yourself a series of questions," says Marianne Legato, MD, founder of the Partnership for Gender-Specific Medicine at Columbia University, whose latest book is Why Men Die First: How to Lengthen Your Lifespan.

This article is part of Oprah.com's 2011 Feel Good Challenge. Join now—and move closer to the life you want!

These questions, compiled by Legato and her LLuminari colleagues, may seem difficult to answer at first, but the point is to get you digging down to a place where your intentions become clear. If a question seems particularly intimidating, think of it as a lake whose waters are deep and cold. Dip your toe in, letting your body adjust to the bracing temperature. Then dunk a foot, a leg, until you're all the way in. You may want to write down thoughts or just roll them over in your mind.

Part of this exercise is to remind yourself about what you—as opposed to everyone else around you—need in order to feel happy and fulfilled. If you don't make time for what matters to you, how can others value your importance?

1. Who am I? How do I think of myself? What are my strengths and weaknesses?

2. Who do I want to be?

3. Why am I here? Why am I important? What is my mission?

4. What am I missing? The time to read a book? A close friendship?

5. What's my motivation for wanting to improve my food and exercise habits? If it's to look better, do I expect favorable results to bring love?

6. Am I afraid of making changes or of taking risks (quitting a boring job, getting out of a bad relationship)? Do I fear failure or the responsibility that could come with success? Could I embrace change instead as an adventure?

7. What has stopped me from keeping resolutions in the past? Is the obstacle (or obstacles) still present in my life? If so, how will I navigate it this time?

8. When I'm tempted to wander off track, what could I say to myself, or do, to stick with the original plan?

9. How can I build in support for myself? Ask a friend to be a health buddy? Join a walking club?

10. What am I doing in my life that's hurting me? Smoking? Drinking too much? Letting work interfere with relationships?

11. What are the sources of joy I need to feel whole?

12. Am I happy?

If you don't have the energy to make changes now, ask yourself these questions again in a month or two. And consider that in order to part with what has become habit or routine, you may simply need to take a leap of faith. "So many of us are in jobs we hate or relationships that are stagnant, but we're too paralyzed to change," says surgeon Nancy Snyderman, MD, whose books include Dr. Nancy Snyderman's Guide to Good Health for Women over Forty. "As we age, we stop taking risks."

It's Time to Get Healthy AND Lose Weight!

2011-06-09T12:19:00.000-07:00

It's time to fill your cupboards with healthy options. In general, you should only buy naturally occurring foods that are sold in their original state, in other words foods that aren't heavily processed, full of trans fats or chemicals; stick to fresh meats, cheeses, fruits, veggies, and the like. Don't forget eggs and peanut (and other nut) butter. You should aim to consume five to six small meals throughout the day, with each meal containing a lean protein source (chicken, turkey, seafood, or low-fat beef), a fruit, a vegetable, and a healthy unsaturated fat source (like almonds, avocados, coconuts, olive oil, or other assorted nuts). Abstain from all items that are processed, fried, contain refined (white) flour, or sugary. Likewise, seriously limit or completely abstain from alcohol consumption throughout the course of your diet.
From Sherrie: Don't forget that the body needs good fat. Use olive oil and any nut oils in place of vegetable oil.

Read more: How to Diet & Exercise with Obesity | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_5476817_diet-exercise-obesity.html#ixzz1Onzni1WM

You Already Have Everything You Need

2011-06-09T09:47:00.000-07:00

Simple Abundance: You Already Have Everything You Need
By Taryn Galewind
Learn to Abide by the Rule of Simplicity

A dear friend told me recently that that human beings are hard-wired to share, to distribute their wealth, and to support each other. Apparently, that’s our natural state. However, for generations, perhaps since the affluent 1950s, we’ve gotten so set in our collective conspicuous consumption lifestyles that we’ve forgotten our roots. If my friend is right, then we have everything we need right now, and we can relearn how to live in simple abundance.

If we are, indeed, hardwired to share and to nurture each other, where do we begin? Let me suggest a gratitude journal. Find yourself a gorgeously covered blank-page book, or decorate your own covers. Get a pen you really love—one that feels great and writes sensuously. If you’re an incurable techno geek, I suppose you can do this journal via computer. But tactile is so much more touchable.

For the next thirty days, take out your journal at bedtime. This is when you’re most relaxed, less likely to be interrupted, and more likely to gather your thoughts efficiently. Write for at least five minutes. Ten would be better. Set a timer. Write down every single thing you can think of that you feel grateful for. It can be as simple as appreciating the soft feel of your cat’s fur when you’re frazzled or as complicated as treasuring the complicated bundle of attributes that is your best friend.

Throughout your day, make mental notes when something happens that gives you peace or joy. Include them in your journal. Reread a few pages before you sleep. As you develop a habit of reflecting on your good fortune, you’ll begin to see an incredible truth. You have everything you need.

You have adequate shelter. Your home may or may not be lofty and lush, but it shelters you and protects you. Your table and larder may not contain oysters, caviar, and truffles each day, but you’re fed and hydrated. You have clothes to cover you. You have people around you to nurture, hug, and care.

Chances are you have TVs, a smart phone, a more expensive car than you were able to afford, and more stuff than you know what to do with. It’s probable that you throw away more food in a given week than some people enjoy at meals during a month. Your gratitude journal will show you where your abundance lies. Experiment with paring down some material possessions, and you’ll find you have more time and energy left for spiritual development.

That, in turn, leads to seeking out your neighbors and fellows, and that may inspire you to share the wealth you are lucky enough to have. That sharing will make you feel stronger, braver, and very lovable. Those feelings will give you something new to write in your journal, which begins the process again.

You may soon find yourself laughing aloud at how delightful the world is and how simple is the abundance that flows around you. Take time to smell the flowers—your higher power and Mother Earth have provided everything you need to grow in spirit and in humanity.

Love Yourself First

2011-06-03T12:07:00.000-07:00

Love Yourself First
By Psychic Phillip

Imagine, if you are able, a life without fear. Everything is perfect, safe. There are no risks and no worries. What would you do with the rest of your life? Any ideas? People often say, “I would travel,” or “I would help others.” Mostly, people admit, “I don’t know.” Happiness and peace seem so far away that they never even consider what that might look like. Their identification with their story, their pain, is so strong, so all encompassing, that it never even crosses their minds. And yet thought always precedes action – so how can we truly embrace our happiness if we cannot see through our filters, our lenses of pain?
When we focus our attention on one object – whether it be a person, a place or a thing – we are externalizing our happiness, placing the responsibility outside ourselves. This creates a lifelong habit of living in reaction. Like a cork on the ocean of experience and emotion – tossed around endlessly, until we are so weary of fruitless endeavor and wasted time – we feel like giving up. In desperation, we become prey to anyone or anything that promises to alleviate our pain.
The truth is, nobody will ever take better care of you than you demand. No one will take better care of you than you take care of yourself. You set the standard by which others will take you seriously.
There is no one out there willing to sign on to play the parent to anyone’s wounded child for very long – and we all carry a wounded child within us. Much (if not most of ) our relationship conflicts revolve around inner child responses to adult situations. Ultimately, it is our responsibility to send that child away. We must each fill that empty place within our hearts – with our own selves.
The heart is considered to be the nexus of our energetic system – three Chakras below, three above. From this position, if one can stay there, everything becomes possible. But remember: the Chakra just below the heart is connected to the adrenals, and has a Martian connection. In Greek mythology Aries’ chariot was drawn by two horses named Deimos and Phobos, which translates to “fear and panic.” This is why the idea persists, “One is either loving or fearing” – and, yes. They are mutually exclusive. Love or fear – choose one.
Consider now whether you carry fear or love. If you answer “both,” what you are calling love is something else. It is for you to know, to discover precisely what it truly is. It is a small jump in perspective to get to your heart, but it cannot be accomplished from behind a wall of fear. The reason the heart Chakra is always connected with health is because all healing begins with love, which begins with a love of self. Love of self is the real heart of the matter. It all begins precisely there. Be there now. There is no other way. Time is precious, and that is a very real consideration. Wouldn’t you agree?
Have you taken the time to really love yourself first?

The Real Cause of Inner Emptiness

2011-06-02T15:16:00.000-07:00

The Real Cause of Inner Emptiness (And What to Do About It)
by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Best-selling Author, Relationship Expert

Do you often feel empty inside? Do you believe that others should be filling you up? Discover the real cause of inner emptiness and what to do about it.

If you feel empty, you are not alone in feeling this way.

Many people feel empty inside, and most people who feel empty have some deep, false beliefs regarding why they feel empty. Below are some of these false beliefs.

I feel empty because:

* My partner is not giving me enough love and attention.

* I don't have a partner.

* I'm bored because my partner doesn't provide me with enough stimulation.

* My work is unsatisfying.

* I'm not successful enough.

* I don't have enough money.

* I have no one to play with on weekends.

* Nothing excites me. Life is boring.

* I don't get enough love, attention and approval from friends and relatives.

* I don't get enough sex.

None of these situations is a real cause of inner emptiness.

What do you usually do to try to fill the inner emptiness? Do you try to fill up with:

* Substances, such as food, sugar, alcohol, drugs or cigarettes?

* Processes and activities, such as TV, Internet, sex, computer games, work, shopping, spending, gambling, telephone or email?

* Attempting to get others' attention or approval with niceness, caretaking, over-talking, story-telling, anger or blame?

There are many substances, processes, behaviors and activities that people use addictively to try to fill the emptiness. These may work for the moment, but not for long. Soon, the emptiness is back and you are looking for someone or something to temporarily fill up the black hole.

The problem with all these behaviors is that they only address the symptom of inner emptiness -- not the cause.

The Cause Of Inner Emptiness

There is only one thing that truly fills the emptiness. Love. There is only one cause of inner emptiness: a lack of love.

But it is not a lack of someone else's love that causes your emptiness. Inner emptiness is caused by self-abandonment -- by not loving yourself.

Inner emptiness comes from a lack of connection with your spiritual source of love -- from not opening to the love-that-is-God and bringing that love to yourself through true thought and loving action in your own behalf.

When you abandon yourself by judging yourself, ignoring your feelings by staying in your head, numbing your feelings through substance and process addictions and making others responsible for your feelings and for loving you, you will feel empty. You are causing your own emptiness by your self-abandonment.

Your ego-wounded self is filled with false beliefs regarding who you are. Your wounded self may see you as inadequate, unlovable, not good enough, not important, selfish, bad, wrong. Your wounded self operates from core shame -- that you are intrinsically flawed.

These are programmed beliefs that have no basis in truth, but they may be running your life. When you believe that you are not good enough, then you turn to others and to addictions to try to feel okay -- to fill the emptiness that you are causing with your self-judgment/self-abandonment.

Filling Your Inner Emptiness: Learning To Love Yourself

The truth of who you are comes only from your personal source of spiritual guidance -- whatever that is for you. When you open to learning with a source of higher guidance about the truth of who you are, and about what is loving action toward yourself and others, you open to the love-that-is-God coming into your heart and filling your inner emptiness.

This occurs when you shift your attention -- from protecting against pain and avoiding responsibility for your feelings through your addictive and controlling behaviors -- to learning, with your higher guidance, about what is loving to yourself and others.

Today, choose the intent to learn with your higher guidance about truth and about loving yourself -- even if you don't believe that anything is there to answer you -- and see what happens. You might start to feel full of love inside!

Which Way to Happy?

2011-06-01T11:48:00.000-07:00

Which Way to Happy? Two Authors Weigh In
By Liz Brody
O, The Oprah Magazine
Dr. Ed Diener and Robert Biswas-Diener unlock the mystery of happiness

You can see it glimmering on the horizon: Happiness. And all you need to get there is to practice X, accomplish Y, and believe in Z.

Wrong, says Ed Diener, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and president of the International Positive Psychology Association. "Happiness is not a set of desirable life circumstances. It's a way of traveling." Diener's new book, Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth, written with his son, Robert Biswas-Diener, a life coach, offers guidance for those interested in taking a road trip.

As the Dieners synthesize the latest research—something Ed has steeped himself in as former editor of the Journal of Happiness Studies—they challenge the conventional party line on well-being: Money does matter, they conclude; religion, not necessarily. And marriage is hardly the joy girder it's been cracked up to be.

Because we're not always so good at forecasting what will make us happy (another finding), O asked the Dieners to help navigate a few big issues—about family, career, marriage, and weight—that affect life satisfaction. "We don't have a cookie-cutter approach," Ed explains. "So with each question, we suggest things you might think about."
Q: I'm passionate about my job, but I'm shortchanging my family and friends by working too hard. Should I quit? Or will I regret that choice?

Robert: People often mistakenly believe they're in an either-or situation. The conflict itself creates distress and gives you very few solutions to choose from. The truth is, you don't need to do something as extreme as quitting your job: You can make small changes—blocking out part of a Saturday afternoon for friends or committing to getting home two hours before the kids' bedtime. Just taking those steps gives you psychological peace of mind, with which you can start planning bigger strategies. You might end up deciding to leave your job, or you and your boss could work out a schedule of 10-hour days but only four days a week. Most likely, there are other solutions that, in the moment, you're not seeing.

Q: I have a good job, but I want to work for a cause where I can make a difference. Then again, I worry about giving up my high salary, which supports my family.

Robert: Rather than asking, "Should I quit being an advertising executive and start working in a soup kitchen?"—which is pretty dramatic—I would encourage you to take another look at your current job and think of how you can make a difference there. Maybe it's by securing accounts that will help the world or creating change from the inside. I met a man who helps Coca-Cola keep plastic bottles out of landfills. And he said to me, "Working at this corporation, I can do more for the environment than all my friends put together."

Q: My husband and I get along well. But I was happier before I got married. Is that a reason to consider leaving my marriage?

Ed: One conversation to have with yourself is about expectations. Even in the best marriages, the other person shouldn't be expected to give you happiness; you can only find that within yourself. In addition, people often have unrealistic ideas about love. Unlike the honeymoon, a long-term marriage is more like being with a friend. It's not always exciting. The really romantic feelings come up only occasionally. Some people think the relationship should always be a 10, but even in a good marriage, most of us are an 8.

Robert: To get some context, seek out 10 people with the best marriages you know and talk to at least three who have been through bloody divorces. Then, before you go straight to Divorce him or don't divorce him?, revise your thinking. A common mistake is to say, "I used to be happy, then I got married, now I'm unhappy," and conclude, "Oh, this marriage is really lame." You may not realize that when you met your husband, you were right out of college, you had lots of friends and no responsibility. And now you happen to have kids and a job and a house payment. If you get divorced, you're not going to be playing Frisbee on the quad again. If you can figure out what you're missing in your life—let's say a girls' night out every week—there's a good chance you can institute it and be happier.

Q: I'm miserable being fat, but I hate exercising and eating is my biggest pleasure. How can I resolve this?

Ed: Your health is so important to your overall life satisfaction; even if you hate exercise, try to do some, whether you lose weight or not. I don't enjoy working out, but I found that if I listen to books on tape while exercising and stop each session before I finish the chapter, I'll want to exercise the next day. Health in general can increase feelings of well-being. And happier people are known to be healthier.

Spring Clean Your Soul

2011-05-22T10:12:00.000-07:00

10 Ways to Spring Clean Your Soul
By Taryn Galewind
Let Go of Things That No Longer Serve
Spring is a time of rebirth and renewal. Clean breezes billow through your curtains as purifying sunlight washes walls and floors, lifting your mood and energizing you. You grab a broom, a dust cloth, and organic cleansers to spiff up your home, your sanctuary. Great—but attend to spiritual spring cleaning, too. Recognize what doesn’t serve you anymore, and let go.

How do you decide what no longer serves a positive function? Consider some soulful spring cleaning exercises.
1. Renew your senses to enhance your perceptions. Listen to beautiful music or meditations. Fill a personal space with colorful cut flowers. Assemble delightfully tactile objects—a feather, silk, exotic lotion. Sit in a quiet spot and handle them, fully sensing textures, fully enjoying contours. Savor gourmet food or beverage. Sample the scents of premier essential oils.

2. Dust off your relationships. Analyze relationships that are causing stress. Determine, with your intuition or with professional help, whether you can repair issues of concern. If so, renew your commitment and clean up old baggage. If it becomes apparent repairs are not possible, muster up strength to let go. No excuses.

3. Kill the weeds in your spiritual garden. Analyze your own attitudes and behaviors. Want to grow in spirit? Pull out negative thoughts and discard. Pluck out pettiness, cultivate generosity, grow a positive outlook. Take a good look at how you see your world and be sure you allow yourself to grow spiritually strong.

4. Take out the trash. Look carefully at what activities occupy your time. Are they worthwhile? Do you or others receive strength from what you do, or do your waste time? Do you burden yourself with too much senseless activity? Pare down your schedule, making time to nurture yourself.

5. A new broom sweeps clean. Open your heart, mind, and spirit; use a psychic broom to sweep out guilt, resentment, criticism, and intolerance. Promise yourself a rebirth of blessed and golden thoughts toward yourself and toward others.

6. Remodel your physical well being. Consider the things you put into your body—the entity that houses your spirit. Allow no poisons in. Smoke. Alcohol. Chemicals. Discover the extreme pleasure of choosing natural, pure, organic foods. You’ll find sensuous tastes, pleasing textures, and a new feeling of wellness.

7. Air out grievances. If there are long-standing issues between you and another person, meditate on a solution. Then, approach that person with love, warmth, and honesty. Share the solution. Mend fences. Let go of the grievance. I promise you will feel renewed.

8. Recognize your capabilities. Instead of putting pressure on yourself to excel at everything, let go of those expectations that cannot be met. Strive for your personal best in that which is in tune with your talents, and let others shine where you can’t. Healthy self-esteem comes from valuing your skills and recognizing your weaknesses.

9. Forgive yourself and others. Make peace with the past and seek joy in the future. Forgive and let go of personal failures, social disappointments, transgressions by others, or any other shortcomings. Let go and move on.

10. Cast away fear. Reach inside yourself for the strength to live each day to its fullest. You can set aside your fears and experience all the world and the universe have to offer. Clear the cobwebs of old habits and be open to new people and experiences. How else can you grow and learn?

We are here a short while, and then we move on. Airing out our spirit’s house allows us to embrace so much that is here for our enrichment. If you embrace the wonder and beauty of spring and make yourself a part of the timeless renewal, your world will shine a little brighter and your soul will flourish.

23 Energy-Boosters

2011-05-19T12:24:00.000-07:00

23 Get-You-Through-the-Day Energy-Boosters
Rev-ups and Rechargers
By Liz Brody
O, The Oprah Magazine

We crave it, lust after it, would give our firstborn for it (especially our just-born). Energy is the hot currency in this breathless, sleep-deprived, 100-miles-per-hour world.

Acupuncturist and herbalist Christopher Hobbs attributes our energy shortage to mismanagement. "We take great care in running our finances, but we never think about managing our energy," he says. Using the bank analogy, the three key questions to ask yourself are: How can you increase the day-to-day amount you have available? How can you add to your savings account—your deeper reserves? And is there any way to use it all more efficiently? "The amount we have on tap would surprise most people," Hobbs says. He and the rest of a team of 15 medical experts O brought together to lead us toward better health have a host of ideas about how to infuse a little more energy into each day.

1. Make a list of everything you plan to do today: In Column A, include the activities that drain you; in column B, those that replenish you. Now figure out how to remove one item from A and add one to B.

2. Don't even think about having a bagel or doughnut (refined carbs) for breakfast. Complex carbs, especially uncooked ones (like muesli), and a bit of protein will give you slow, sustained energy.

3. Take an extra step—and 499 more. "Exercise gets your heart pumping more blood to the muscles," says internist Marianne Legato, MD. "It's one of the best antidotes to fatigue."

4. Plug into a great memory of you bursting with excitement—your first crush, a big promotion. Relive it in your mind. "Enthusiasm, radiance, joy—these energetic states come from happy emotions," says stress expert Alice Domar, PhD.

5. Get a blood test for both low thyroid function and anemia—two of the most common, and treatable, causes of fatigue.

6. When you get home from work, stretch for five minutes. "It takes energy to hold our muscles tight—a big waster," Hobbs says.

7. Don't turn on the TV for 24 hours. "Television," Domar says, "can suck the energy right out of you."

8. Assign one of your regular chores to another member of your household. If you live alone, is there one task (laundry, dog walking) you can hire someone to do?

9. Do you spend your mornings hooked up to a coffee mug? Try smaller amounts of caffeine—you may feel more acceleration with less. Or switch to green tea, which has some caffeine and lots of cancer-fighting antioxidants.

10. If you have the opportunity, flirt, even if you're in a wonderful relationship. Innocently catching a man's eye and offering some acknowledgment creates a charge.

11. Want pure invigoration? Jump rope for three minutes. Or just jump in place. "There's nothing on the planet better than getting up and moving," says nutrition and metabolism expert Pamela Peeke, MD.

12. Get a half hour—even better, an hour—more sleep and just see what it feels like.
(cont. in post below)

Cont.

2011-05-19T12:22:00.000-07:00

13. Think about any attachments that are depleting your emotional reserves. Are you dwelling on an ex-lover? Stewing over a grudge at work? Consider letting go.

14. Go ahead and grab an energy bar if you don't have time for a meal. But, Peeke warns, choose one with no more than 20 grams of carbohydrates and two grams of saturated fat (two to six grams of total fat).

15. Write down what your purpose in life is. "You have to be going somewhere to have the energy you need to get there," says cardiologist Mehmet Oz, MD.

16. On your commute home, don't read or listen to the news. Pop your favorite rock-out album into your car stereo or portable CD player and amp it up.

17. Take a deep breath—one that feels like it fills your whole body. And let it out all the way. Take another, and one more.

18. Fill a big, beautiful bowl with equal parts water and vinegar, and add sliced cucumbers. Chill it. Throughout the day, refresh yourself with a cucumber nosh.

19. Slip on some strappy heels, a sexy bra. "Arousal," says sexuality expert Pepper Schwartz, PhD, "is like the energy you feel when you start a race. Your senses are alive, your focus is more intense, you're more aware of your body."

20. To override an energy dip, have a slice of avocado or a small handful of nuts—snacks containing healthy fats offer smooth, long-lasting octane.

21. If you're spread so thin you're just about threadbare, gaze inward: Are you using frenetic activity to avoid feeling pain? Or to mask some kind of insecurity? And are you willing to address those problems so you can restock your vitality?

22. Call up your most fun, zany friend and get a dose of enthusiasm—it's contagious. Even better, make plans to do something together.

23. Go out right now and spend some serious, or not so serious, cash on yourself. There's absolutely no science to it, but shopping has a way of reanimating you when you've run out of steam. Could it be a natural high?

Fighting Fair

2011-05-18T14:25:00.000-07:00

7 Guidelines to Fairly Settling Disputes
By Alina Mikos
Deepen Your Bond by Improving Your Communication

Arguing is a part of all relationships, and while they are never considered an enjoyable experience, there are specific methods you can use to maximize the outcome. Arguments can either damage a relationship, or strengthen it through honesty and compromise. Read on for some valuable techniques for arguing that are wins for both of you.

1. Think Before You Speak

When tempers flare, it’s easy to allow your emotions to overrun your mind, resulting in words uttered in a moment of passion that you regret later. The greater your anger, the more you need to reflect on what you want to say for the good of the relationship. Realize that while in this moment you may be tempted to let your anger get the best of you, this will only move you further away from your goal—a positive resolution.

2. Stay on Topic

Stick to one argument as a time. Bringing up other problems only clouds the current issue and can quickly turn a small disagreement into all out war. Keep on track with the issue at hand so you can put all of your of energy into resolving the problem which landed you here in the first place.

3. Show Respect

This means no name calling, interrupting your partner, or attacking below the belt. Don’t let your anger allow you to forget the wise adage, “treat others as you wish to be treated.”

4. Put Yourself in Their Shoes

Understanding where your partner is coming from will allow you the perspective to resolve the issue more quickly. When you understand one another’s position, your empathy opens your mind to the situation and cuts through the anger that may be clouding your judgment.

5. Keep it Between Yourselves

Unless it’s a professional psychologist, bringing others into your argument is always a bad idea. No one can fully understand the depth and uniqueness of your relationship, and inviting a third voice into the mix can only complicate matters and increase your mate’s defensiveness.

6. Fight for the Relationship, Not Your Ego

Ask yourself if you are arguing for the sake of winning or for the sake of the relationship. If the end result is all about you, you can be sure that even if you win the disagreement, there’s a good chance your relationship will suffer. As partnerships are all about compromise, the only way to win is to fight for the two of you.

7. Don’t Assume, Ask

This falls under good communication rules among couples. Just as you need to be clear and honest about your thoughts and feelings, so must you listen carefully, and ask questions when there’s any doubt. Assuming you know your partner’s thoughts can erroneously put a negative and inaccurate spin on a particular situation that might otherwise be benign. It’s foolish to borrow this kind of trouble when the solution is to ask first and then maybe argue later.

5 Ways We Self-Sabotage

2011-05-02T15:24:00.000-07:00

5 Ways We Self-Sabotage
December 13, 2010 at 11:00 am
By Alina Mikos

Sabotage is easily recognized when the enemy is known to us: a competitive co-worker, a nasty ex-lover, or a jealous family member. However, the real challenge we face is from the enemy within. Read on for simple suggestions that will keep your inner saboteur in check…

1. Negative Self-Talk

Thought of by some as the “the devil on their shoulder,” this destructive inner voice wreaks havoc on a person’s self-esteem. All too often, this negative inner voice is so entrenched in your ego that you do not recognize when it is spouting its nasty insults and tearing down your feelings of self-worth. This destructive internal dialogue ensues during both the good and the bad events in your life, and is always there either to rain on your parade, or to drag you down into sadness or depression. Maybe you received a promotion at work, but instead of feeling proud of yourself, that little voice whispers that you won’t be able to live up to the challenge because you’re not smart enough; or perhaps you got in a car accident, and instead of being grateful everyone is OK, you can only focus on how inept you are to have crashed in the first place.

Beware, too, of self-fulfilling prophecies. The power of the mind is an awesome thing, and if you go around all day thinking that you will never succeed in getting what you want, you will do subconscious things every moment that sabotage those desires.

2. Fear Takes Over

Fear of the unknown can be a powerful motivator in the life choices you make and the chances you take. Venturing outside of your comfort zone, changing old ways of thinking, takes courage. It is much easier to stay in a dead-end job or an unhealthy relationship than to give up those old safety nets and take the plunge into something completely new. Life changes are good things, allowing people to grow, refreshing their perspective, and providing new experiences and adventures. You might make some mistakes along the way, but opening yourself up to life’s ups, downs, and unknowns – despite your fears – transforms that fear into courage.

3. Impossible Expectations

Recognizing your limitations is not admitting weakness, but respecting and understanding your abilities enough to achieve the maximum outcome. By setting impossible timelines and expectations, you only set yourself up for failure, resulting in disappointment and self-hatred. Be honest with yourself about your abilities and strengths, and nurture and respect them by challenging yourself realistically, then allowing yourself a reward for a job well done.

4. Making Excuses

Placing blame is a common method of self-sabotage. By not taking responsibility for the kind of life you have created for yourself, you allow the unhappiness and dissatisfaction to continue indefinitely. If it is always someone else’s fault, or blamed on the “unfairness of life,” then you don’t have to do the work necessary to change it, or to admit which poor choices have led you to where you are today. But if you stand up and take full responsibility for your life, you regain the power to navigate your existence as you choose, even if that means admitting mistakes and accepting the long hard road ahead of you.

5. Guilt Trips

While having a healthy conscience is admired and appreciated, berating yourself for mistakes, mishaps and whatnot can drive anyone crazy. Learning from the past, pardoning yourself and moving on, is essential to leading a happy life. If you are constantly wracked with guilt over the past, you can hardly focus all of your attention and energy on the present; you might even make new and destructive choices based on your fear of the past.

At some point, everyone has fallen victim to self-sabotage. Recognizing when this happens, taking positive action against this self-defeating mechanism, and making an agreement with yourself to restore your own power, will surely change your life. Remember, you are what you eat, so if you eat your own negative words every day, you will become a reduced and diminished version of your own self. Or as someone wise once said: “Thoughts become words. Words become actions. Actions become habits. Habits become character. And character becomes your destiny.”

Find Your Emotional Balance

2011-05-02T14:41:00.000-07:00

How to Find Your Emotional Balance
By Liz Brody
O, The Oprah Magazine

No matter where you are on your emotional surfboard (even if you're off it), these mood-steadying strategies make for easier riding.

1. Mind Rx: Taking a break—imaginary or real—can help settle emotions on a bumpy day.

2. Daydream: "When you think about pleasurable things like sex or food, PET scans show different patterns lighting up in your brain than when you think about work or something unpleasant," says Mehmet Oz, MD, director of the Cardiovascular Institute at Columbia Presbyterian Medical Center.

3. Fake it: Research shows that when you put on a smile, even a forced one, your mood often follows. Hold your head high, walk confidently, pretend you're Serena Williams after winning the Grand Slam.

4. Listen to music: Put on a pair of headphones and let yourself get carried away.

5. Go to a bookstore and just browse. "Look at travel books, photography books," suggests Byllye Avery, founder of the National Black Women's Health Project. "Dip into some fiction and let your mind go there."

6. Run away: Spas are ideal, Snyderman says (when she books herself for a quick getaway, she tells her kids to "call only in an emergency—and homework doesn't count"). But you can also escape to a friend's house for the weekend, get in the car and just drive, or take a day to be a tourist in your own town.

True happiness resides within

2011-04-09T09:41:00.000-07:00

True happiness resides within me.

Most people are searching for happiness outside of themselves. That's a fundamental mistake. Happiness is something that you are, and it comes from the way that you think.

Dr. Wayne Dyer

Make YOU a Priority

2011-04-06T12:37:00.000-07:00

Set Your Priorities: It’s All About You
By Carmen Honacker
Get Your Priorities Straight

Being selfish or self-centered is not a desirable trait. However, there is a difference in being unable to connect to others and respecting their wants and needs, and taking care of yourself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with loving yourself and doing what is best for you. This does not equal being self-absorbed and hurting others.

It is not possible to live life to its fullest and to create lasting happiness without learning how to love and take care of you first, as well as learning to get one’s priorities straight.

How we define happiness and what our priorities are is different for each and every one of us. But there are priorities that probably apply for most people, regardless of value system, beliefs or tendencies.

First, take care of your body. Being healthy contributes to feelings of well-being, confidence and success. In order to achieve health, I included cutting out as much fast food, processed foods, sugar, white flour and high fructose corn syrup containing items as possible. I eat more raw fruits and vegetables and do my very best to limit my carb intake to whole grains. A few other things I changed consisted of eating butter versus margarine, drinking more water (I shoot for at least 2 liters a day) and herbal teas and cutting out caffeine, sodas and coffee.

When I do have a soda or coffee, I literally treat it like a dessert, and hence, do it rarely. I quit smoking, I don’t drink alcohol and I work out regularly. I prefer working out with trainers, because they keep me motivated, make sure I don’t injure myself and they mix up the routines enough for my body to keep getting challenged. I work out at least four days a week and I mix cardio with strength training. Working out is hard, but it tends to make me feel euphoric afterwards. I also have more strength, stamina and less back, shoulder and neck pains.

Another very important step for taking care of one’s body is getting regular check-ups and physical exams.

Take care of your mind. The mind is a terrible thing to waste, so I try to keep abreast on current world affairs. I read more instead of only watching TV. I write more and I enjoy challenging conversations and debates. I also do cognitive behavioral therapy once a week. This actively teaches me how to reprogram “bad” responses, how to overcome triggers and most importantly, how to set proper boundaries and priorities. Personally, I believe that most people would benefit from therapy. I believe that the world would be a better place if more people would take responsibility for their own actions and words, versus repeating patterns and blaming others. Alas, I digress.

Taking care of your emotions. Doing what feels good for the heart is always a good idea. Sadly, a lot of people are completely disconnected from their heart and are either numb, or absolutely incapable of relating to others. This is where being selfish is not desirable; namely when you force your own stuff on others, in order to make yourself feel better or right. Therapy, again, falls into the category of things that are good for your heart; so does working out. Of course, engaging in healthy relationships with friends and lovers is highly important. If you don’t have the tool to know what is healthy or what is not, find something that will help you do so.

Taking care of your spirit. Well, this one depends. Not everyone believes in something. But for me, even an atheist can take care of their spirit. I feel meditation is an excellent tool, so is Yoga.

Obviously, everything within us is interconnected; mind, body, spirit, heart and will. We should strive for balance, as balance within those elements will generally bring true happiness and well-being. Doing activities that support the five elements is always a good idea and yes, it should be all about you. If you want a life worth living, then start making it about you and get your priorities straight!

Dear Woman

2011-04-04T10:49:00.000-07:00

Dr. Joan Borysenko on How to become an Optimistic Realist

2011-03-31T12:35:00.000-07:00

3 Tips for Becoming an Optimistic Realist

* Identify a realistic action step to help you through change. When the recession hit, I called the phone company and saved $40 a month by asking them to suggest ways to trim costs. I became more involved in the day-to-day running of my business, and almost instantly new opportunities emerged.

* Stoke the fires of spiritual inspiration. The Sufis say if you take one step toward God, God takes a hundred steps toward you. Meditation, music and time outside keep me spiritually optimistic and present to the beauty of the world and this life.

* Be accountable to a friend. Just as people who have dogs get more exercise because they are accountable to their animal companions, you can exercise your resilience muscles by identifying a step—either practical or spiritual—and telling a friend what your intention is.

New York Times best-selling author Dr. Joan Borysenko is a world-renowned expert in stress management and mind-body medicine. Her gracious presence, sense of humor and ability to combine the latest scientific research with personal stories and riveting anecdotes make her a popular speaker in venues ranging from hospitals and corporations to conferences and retreat centers. Her most recent book, It's Not the End of the World: Developing Resilience in Times of Change (Hay House), is available now.

The Good-Mood Diet, By Lisa Davis

2011-03-31T12:15:00.000-07:00

The Good-Mood Diet
By Lisa Davis
O, The Oprah Magazine

Preventing a sugar crash in the first place is clearly a much saner approach. Fortunately, if you take greater care with your carb intake and change a few other habits, it's not hard to even the seesaw.

1. Start with breakfast. If you frequently find yourself in a midmorning slump or agitated state, steer clear of the fast-burning simple-carb breakfast that may cause your blood sugar to surge and then nose-dive an hour or two later, pushing your body's alarm buttons. Instead, begin the day with a meal that includes protein and a little fat, both of which delay the absorption of sugar into the blood and take longer to digest. Try pairing your juice with an egg white omelet or a slower-burning complex carbohydrate (think carb with fiber, like a dense bread with lots of whole grains and nuts) and peanut butter. Take the same mix-and-match approach to lunch, dinner, and snacks. "You want a meal to have a combination of foods so there's a slow, steady release of sugar into the bloodstream," says dietitian Tammy Baker, a spokeswoman for the American Dietetic Association. "This will signal a slow, steady release of insulin and keep you on an even keel."

2. Don't let yourself get too hungry. Going hours without food sets you up for a sugar-heavy snackfest (anyone have chocolate?). And if you resist, you're more likely to overeat at your next meal because your brain takes about 20 minutes to get the message that you've had enough—and that could be 20 minutes of continuous stuffing. To process all that food, your body shunts blood to the digestive tract, slowing down functions that are unrelated to the business at hand. Blood pressure drops. Your heart rate slows. So does your mental activity. Result: postmeal stupor.

You may feel much better with smaller meals and bigger snacks. Registered dietitian Roxanne Moore suggests that if you're having a sandwich for lunch, eat half of it as a midmorning snack and the rest at 1 P.M. with a small salad or some yogurt. Parcel out your day's food so that you never go longer than three or four hours without a mini meal that includes a mix of nutrients.

3. Fuel your workouts. Exercise is great for both health and mood, but it can drag your blood sugar down if you don't compensate for some of the calories your body is using up. To keep your energy high, you may want to eat something like a banana before you start, take swigs of a sports drink during the workout, or schedule a snack just after the sweat dries.

4. Find out if caffeine is a culprit. There is some evidence that caffeine can increase sensitivity to low blood sugar, at least in diabetics—although other studies suggest that it can raise blood sugar. Either way, caffeine consumption is known to exacerbate jitters, irritability, and anxiety, so you might try cutting back to see if it's making matters worse.

5. Pay attention. As you experiment with changes in diet and exercise, keeping a diary may help make clear what works and what doesn't. In particular, note how long after eating you feel crummy. One or two hours? Look at what you ate. Simple carbs are probably the culprit.

Finally, don't forget your doctor. If you have repeated bouts of what feels like low blood sugar—especially if your symptoms are coming more frequently and getting worse—it's worth investigating. You may be pregnant or suffering from unusual anxiety. Or you may have one of the potentially serious diseases that announce themselves with hypoglycemia: insulin-secreting tumors, for instance, or adrenal cancer.

These diseases, however, are rare. Most likely you're perfectly healthy and the best medicine you can take to relieve your symptoms is a dose of awareness. Once you fine-tune how you're fueling your body, it should run smoother. And then you can pay attention to more important things.

Lisa Davis is a writer in Oakland whose work has appeared in Health and Vogue.

"Optimism 101: How to Improve Your Outlook and Your Health" from Oprah.com

2011-03-28T13:05:00.000-07:00

Optimism 101: How to Improve Your Outlook and Your Health
Try this simple technique to change your outlook on life.
By Lauren Dzubow

Martin Seligman, PhD, the father of positive psychology, gave us a quick lesson on a classic optimism-boosting exercise—which he calls the ABCDEs. The goal, Seligman says, is to get you to stop thinking pessimistically, rather than teach you to start thinking optimistically (which rarely works). "This fix isn't instantaneous," he says. "But we've done studies on it involving thousands of subjects, and we know it's effective." So the next time you experience a setback—anything from a leaky faucet to a fight with a friend—walk yourself through these five steps:

A. Name the adversity, or problem.
(For example: "I didn't get a call back after my job interview.")

B. List your beliefs.
These are your initial reactions to the problem. ("The interviewer saw right through me. I don't deserve that position. And he could probably tell I don't believe in myself. I'm sure the other applicants are smarter, younger, and more qualified than I am.")

C. Identify the consequences of your beliefs.
("I'm going to quit my job search so I don't have to suffer through this feeling of failure again.")

D. Formulate a disputation of your beliefs.
Pessimistic reactions are often overreactions, so start by correcting distorted thoughts. ("I probably didn't feel confident because that position wasn't the best fit. It's only a matter of time before I find an opportunity that's right for me. And now that I've had practice, I will be better prepared to present my best self.")

E. Describe how energized and empowered you feel now.
("I'm more motivated to keep looking for a job that makes me happy. I won't let fear stand in my way.")

Practice this exercise as often as possible, and when you can, take time to write out the ABCDEs. Eventually, the sequence will become a habitual thought process. Seligman found that his subjects were still using the technique four years after he taught it to them.

"Move Past a Rotten Childhood" from Oprah.com

2011-03-28T12:34:00.000-07:00

Your Happiness Plan

7 Best Pieces of Advice for People Who Want to Move Past a Rotten Childhood
By Tracy McMillan

Author Tracy McMillan knows a thing or two about getting over a bad childhood. Her father was a drug-dealing pimp and convicted felon who spent most of his daughter's life behind bars. Her prostitute mother gave her away. Here's what she wants you to know about getting over your past.

1. Get a New Story
There are two ways for me to look at my childhood story. In one, I'm a person who is so unloved and unwanted, my own mother gave me away. In the other, I was born, took a look around at my prostitute mother and criminal father, and said to myself, "I can totally do better than this. Get your stuff, we're leaving." In one I'm a victim, in the other, I'm in power. Guess which viewpoint got me the career I have today?

2. Realize Blame = Same
Blame is awesome. It feels good, right? It feels righteous. It feels powerful. It feels like someone's going to pay for what they did to you. The only problem is—as long as you're blaming—nothing can ever change. Why? Because in order for your life to change, you have to want things to be different. And if it feels good to blame, you have to admit that you like it. And if you like it, you have to admit that you don't really want it to change. Which is why blame just gets you more of the same.

3. Pretend You Work at Target
Sometimes, I look at my bad childhood like it's an unruly customer and I'm working customer service the day after Christmas. It'll be acting up, moaning and complaining about how hard everything is, and how unfair it all is. I just have to say to it, "Yes, I see you, ma'am. I know you have a problem. But right now I'm busy, so please have a seat. I''ll be with you just as soon as I can." Then I do something productive that will actually change my situation, like go to work.

4. Accept the Fact That Some People Don't Really Want to See You Succeed
This sounds harsh, and it is. But it's true. Some of your family and friends "support" you by cosigning all your b.s. about how hard you have it, because if you succeed, two things will happen: 1) You will leave. And 2) They will be left behind. This doesn't mean you have to get rid of your friends and family, you just have to remember that they love you so much, they're perfectly happy for you to stay exactly where you are right now.

5. Decide to KSA (Kick Some Ass)
When my 13-year-old said he hated science class, I told him that getting a 95 on the test was the equivalent of getting in the face of his least favorite teacher and saying, "Have some!" In other words, kicking ass on the test is just like playing a video game. Needless to say, he's getting As now. Channeling your anger will get you a long, long way in life.

6. Hoard Your Money
The number one way to end your bad childhood is to save money. I have a very simple rule about money: If I never spend everything I make, I will always have money. And money is power. All those commercials you see are a big, rich company's attempt to get you to give them your power. Don't do it! Think of every dollar you save as one step away from the people and places that have kept you down.

7. Get a Paper Route
In fifth grade, I wanted a 10-speed bike like all the other kids had. So I started delivering papers when I was 11. In Minnesota. In the winter. Compared to that, every job I've had since has been easy. While there may not be papers to deliver in the snow, the point is to do the thing you don't want to do. Get a hard/crappy job and do it until the voices in your head stop telling you that you can't take it another minute. Everything after that will be cake, and your bad childhood will be over. I promise.

Tracy McMillan is a film and television writer, most recently on AMC's Emmy Award- and Golden Globe-winning series Mad Men and Showtime's Emmy Award-winning series The United States of Tara. Her memoir, I Love You and I'm Leaving You Anyway (HarperCollins 2011), is a comic, tragic, unflinchingly real, and ultimately victorious true story of how one woman learned to love herself no matter what.

request a change of behavior

2011-03-23T10:02:00.000-07:00

A criticism is just a really bad way of making a request, so why don't you just make the request?"
—Diane Sawyer
Your Private Notebook

Did you ever try to request a change of behavior instead of criticizing someone? If so, how did it work out? What did you learn? If not, what's inhibiting you from making a direct request? Fear of the other person's anger, being disappointed she/he can't meet your request or something else?
Add Your Thoughts

Cherry Blossom Memories: Joyce Carol Oates and the healing memoir

2011-03-22T10:15:00.000-07:00

Cherry Blossom Memories: Joyce Carol Oates and the healing memoir: "Joyce Carol Oates was in town last week to talk about her memoir, Widow’s Story. Her hand was probably still tingling from shaking hand..."

Oprah says "Love Yourself!"

2011-03-21T13:53:00.000-07:00

How to Love That Woman in the Mirror
By Thea Singer
O, The Oprah Magazine

The amount of misery we suffer just from the heft of our thighs, not to mention the misbehavior of our skin, just might—if you could quantify it—inspire a global initiative. The topic has certainly intrigued Nancy Etcoff, PhD, author of Survival of the Prettiest: The Science of Beauty, and a Harvard Medical School psychologist whose research concentrates on appearance and happiness. Three years ago she founded the Program in Aesthetics and Well-Being at Massachusetts General Hospital to explore how concepts of beauty relate to satisfaction. Recently she sat down with O to tell us what she's learned:

O: Hasn't the whole beauty industry gotten out of control? And aren't women the worse for all this hype on looking young?

Etcoff: If we say, "Just get rid of the advertisements and tell the companies to stop making products, and no one will care about beauty—this is all just a creation that we can wipe away," we are denying who we are. People do care about how they look. They have adorned themselves since Paleolithic times. This is not a vanity issue or a women's issue or a United States issue. It is human nature.

O: How much of a woman's happiness is based on her appearance?

Etcoff: That's a hard question to answer, but we know that people who focus a lot on their looks as a major source of their self-esteem tend to be a lot less happy than people who focus on, say, their social life. Why? In general we're social animals, so people without good relationships tend to be less happy; the same is true if you're not doing work or other activities that bring out your strengths. Those are the sources of real happiness, not external things like money or beauty.

O: Can a positive sense of self make you more physically attractive?

Etcoff: Watch a woman enter a room with that sense of confidence, that sense of "I matter, I'm worthwhile." The way she walks, her facial expression, everything about her says, "Look at me." Really, why do we care about being beautiful? We care because we don't want to be excluded. We want attention. Right from the start, babies look straight at your face and into your eyes. When you look away, they get upset. There is that little baby in all of us: "The world is so big—how do I get your attention?"

O: Is there any way—barring cosmetic surgery—to change your attitude about how you look?

Etcoff: Scientists researching body image have done eye-tracking studies, in which people are asked to stare in the mirror. Subjects don't look at anything they think is good; they just stare at their so-called faults. Stop that. Retrain yourself: "Why don't I look at what I like? I like my lips—what lip shade should I wear today?"

O: Any other suggestions?

Etcoff: We tend to think about social support bringing happiness, but it's also very important to give support to other people. There is a lot of evidence that suggests that those who volunteer are happier. Feeling part of something larger than you is very important. When you do something good for someone else, the reward system of your brain lights up. We tend to seek things that actually contribute very minimally to our happiness—like a nicer car and, again, looking perfect. So know where your own joy resides: What are you good at? What do you enjoy? What is meaningful? What is going to keep making you happy for a long time?

Suze Ohrman to Octomom

2011-03-12T16:43:00.001-08:00

Suze: Seriously. I wanted to do this show because I wanted us to start changing people's addiction to judging others. Because it’s so easy to judge her—to hate her, to do whatever we've done to this woman. And if we can start to become a society where we stop judging others and just simply look at ourselves and what we’re doing, then, Ms. Winfrey, we have made the world, again, a better place.

Fall to Pieces: A Memoir

2011-03-12T16:00:00.000-08:00

Amanda Schupak tells us how to live longer

2011-03-07T10:41:00.000-08:00

5 Surprising Ways to Live Longer—and a Whole Lot Better
An extraordinary 80-year study has led to some unexpected discoveries about long life.
By Amanda Schupak

In 1921, a Stanford University psychologist named Lewis Terman recruited 1,500 elementary school students and began an academic inquiry that would last eight decades. Terman followed his subjects into adulthood until he passed away in 1956. Other scientists then picked up where he left off, and in 1990 psychologists Howard Friedman and Leslie Martin began poring over the wealth of data in search of factors that seemed to contribute to lengthy life spans. In The Longevity Project, Friedman and Martin reveal that some age-old wisdom—work less, avoid stress, exercise hard—is plain bad advice. From their findings, we pulled five tips that may surprise you.

1. Give More to Live More
It's no secret that people with a strong social support system tend to live longer. But it turns out that it's not what your friends and family do for you; it's what you do for them that counts. Among Terman's subjects, the men and women who liked to lend a helping hand—the ones who cared for their neighbors, the ones whom others turned to for advice—lived the longest.

2. Run the Rat Race
Everyone fantasizes about a job that isn't stressful, never follows her home, and complements her personality and interests. But the ideal work life won't necessarily extend your life-life. Study participants who persevered toward accomplishment despite high levels of stress and responsibility lived longer than the people who worked at their "dream jobs."

3. Train Without Pain
You don't need to enter marathons to have a good long run at life. Forcing yourself to follow grueling fitness regimens can shed inches, but it may not add years. In the long term, you're more likely to stick with low-impact activities you truly enjoy than rigorous workouts you dread. Moderate swimming, a leisurely bike ride, and hour-long walks with the dog do as much good for your health—and survival—as an eight-minute mile.

4. Fret a Little
Think good things and good things will happen, right? Not necessarily. Friedman and Martin found that too much optimism could be as detrimental to longevity as high cholesterol and hypertension. Always assuming the best, they say, may leave you unequipped to deal with the worst—such as trauma or illness. A little worry keeps you warmed up for the curveballs life throws.

5. Have More Fun in Bed
Almost 60 years before Sex and the City, Terman got women to talk about their sexual satisfaction, the average amount of time they spent being intimate with their husbands, and the frequency of their orgasms. The records show that the women who most often reached climax most often lived longer.

Live Your Best (Long) Life

Repair Your Self-Esteem

2011-03-06T10:13:00.000-08:00

How to Repair Your Self-Esteem in 5 Easy Steps
By Cameron Holmes

There are many ways to attain higher self-esteem and self worth. Here are some effective steps that can repair your self-esteem in 5 easy ways. These steps will rejuvenate your spirit, allowing you to become a happier, more loving person.
Difficulty: Moderate
Instructions

1.Forgive yourself, and let go of past mistakes with no guilt. Enough said.

2.Develop a no justified resentment life. Just as you forgive yourself, forgive others that have wronged you. Let that past go. The secret to high self esteem is by realizing that you cannot take the things people do and say to you personal. Realize that people are imperfect as well and when they have unnecessary issue with you, it is not about YOU, it is about them. Let of grudges and resenting others - pray for them, and love them regardless, and focus on their best attributes instead of their negative ones.

3.Look good, for you! Do special things, for you. Having high self esteem is all about say no to the needs of others when it is time (and believe me, you will know when the needs of others are overshadowing yours) and saying yes to yourself.

By saying yes, and caring for you - your mind, your body, and developing your soul, you become a great parent, friend, spouse, teacher, mentor, ect because you feel at your best and worthy. Limit keeping negative company, and surround yourself with people who will accept and love you for who you are. That's taking responsibility for your life and the people you choose to have in it.

4.Love everything about you and make room for improvement. No one is perfect, but anyone can attain to be a better self. Accept the things that you cannot change, and that includes your body and your inherit capabilities. However, with God, anything is possible. Because you are most loved by your Creator, treat yourself as such. Meditate and pray on the things that you would like to change, and make active provisions about going about it.

5.Treat others with respect and with love. Positive self esteem comes from being empathetic to the needs of others. By respecting and being kind to everyone, equally, you are loving yourself. God is in everyone, even if they don't show it. When you are loving God, you are loving yourself.

Read more: How to Repair Your Self-Esteem in 5 Easy Steps | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_5722190_repair-self_esteem-easy-steps.html#ixzz1FqTocK5C

"5 Best Things to Do for Your Relationship" By Nina Burleigh

2011-02-11T12:29:00.000-08:00

5 Best Things to Do for Your Relationship
By Nina Burleigh
From the May 2005 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

When it comes to love, relationships can be like cars: constant care and adjustment (instead of pricey and painful visits to the body shop/marriage counselor) are often the best way to improve and strengthen your bond. One of O's staffers gets the lowdown from the experts on five fixes to start making now.

1: "Stop all shame, blame, and criticism. Instead ask for what you want in a clear, specific, and positive manner, and express appreciation for your partner. To elaborate: Men need to feel competent—that they make a contribution and that it is noticed. They like to be told what 'behavior' makes you happy. Since men tend to express affection by doing things, you should interpret their actions as love. When men know what to do and are acknowledged for it, they tend to keep doing it." — Harville Hendrix, PhD, author of Getting the Love You Want

2: "Change from a critical habit of mind, in which you're very involved with your partner's mistakes, to a positive one, in which you catch him doing something right. Notice one small thing, and express genuine appreciation. That will change your interaction patterns from escalating negativity and criticism to building a culture of appreciation." — John M. Gottman, PhD, author of The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships

3: "When your relationship starts to break down, you need AAA: an Apology, Affection, and a promise of Action. You say you're sorry for what you've said or done to hurt or disappoint your partner. You immediately offer a hug, a kiss—some meaningful gesture of warmth. You pledge to do something that matters to your partner ('From now on, I will…'). And, of course, you stick to that. This whole AAA thing can take two minutes, but in that time you've healed the past, built a bridge to the present, and created hope for your future." — Mira Kirshenbaum, psychotherapist and author of The Weekend Marriage

4: "With books on the market like How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, one of the greatest services you can do for a guy is to reassure him that he doesn't have to make love like a porn star. You can show him how to have sex like a woman: creative, sensual, non-genital-based, and more pleasure- than orgasm-focused. Lead him to an experience that goes beyond his penis and makes him fully engaged—mind, body, and soul." — Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First

5: "All relationships grow a bit stale as time goes by, and the longer-lasting they are, the staler they can get. The best thing you can do is pump in some fresh air. A long weekend in a romantic hideaway would be ideal, but even a few hours in a motel helps. Don't tell anyone where you are, turn off your cell phones, and unplug the TV. When you get home, you'll find your relationship has acquired ruddy cheeks." — Dr. Ruth Westheimer, psychosexual therapist and author of 52 Lessons on Communicating Love

More from the O vault: Heartbreak Academy

From Oprah's article about desire in relationships

2011-02-11T12:13:00.000-08:00

"When Odette was after Swann, he didn't notice her. And when he grew interested, she stopped caring about him," I said.

Bellagio looked up at me, his face shining, eyes flickering fire.

Emboldened, I went on. "It seems that another person's interest in us can often make our desire for them flee."

Bellagio leaned way back in his chair, kicked his foot up onto his desk, and smiled.

I don't know what gave me the courage to tell him what was on my mind, but I did. I was standing at the door, and instead of leaving I risked a confession. "Not wanting someone who wants you. It feels kind of...familiar right now."

"What? Are you living out your own Swann in Love?" he said. I knew he wasn't going to let it go.

"Actually, it's my boyfriend. You met him two weeks ago at the play." I blushed fiercely. I knew I wasn't being clear. "It's just that he kept leaning against me.... he's..."

"Always around? Too attentive?" said Bellagio.

He'd nailed it. "How did you guess?"

"Law of nature, of desire, if you will," said Bellagio. "He wants you, so you don't want him."

This is what I call the Conquistador Mentality. You want what you can't have. Once you have it, there game is over and you're ready for a new conquest.
This happened to me with my ex. He had to have me, but once we married, he no longer had any interest in me.

Amazing kid! Julien Collot

2011-01-20T10:25:00.000-08:00

2011-01-10T15:06:00.000-08:00

http://myemail.constantcontact.com/Wellness---Writing-Connections-January-Newsletter-2011.html?soid=1102000674730&aid=ZXXTxkcwYR4

2011-01-10T10:01:00.000-08:00

http://myemail.constantcontact.com/Wellness---Writing-Connections-January-Newsletter-2011.html?soid=1102000674730&aid=ZXXTxkcwYR4

Winter Super Foods to Stay Healthy and Feel Fabulous

2011-01-09T14:32:00.000-08:00

Winter Super Foods to Stay Healthy and Feel Fabulous
Posted: 06 Jan 2011 05:30 AM PST

Because we are what we eat, it is very important to eat more winter super wight loss detox foods to help our body detoxify and reduce stress.

I. Whole detox foods rich in anti-stress vitamins and minerals can fight stress illness and you should try to incorporate them in your diet to have less stress.

Magnesium
It has been found that people who exhibit stress illness have low magnesium levels. A deficiency of magnesium interferes with transmission of nerve and muscle impulses, causing irritability and nervousness.
For more magnesium, eat more apples, dried apricots, avocados, brown rice, garlic, grapefruit, lemons, leafy vegetables, millet, nuts, sesame seeds, salmon (wild caught).

Calcium
Our body needs a proper balance between magnesium and calcium to have a healthy stress response. Healthy foods rich in calcium are almonds, asparagus, broccoli, cabbage, figs, kale, kelp, mustard greens, oats, prunes, sesame seeds, salmon, seafood, sesame seeds, tofu, plain yogurt / kefir.

B6.
Studies show that people who are depressed have low levels of B6 and serotonin. Eat more avocados, bananas, fish, spinach, walnuts to get more Vitamin B6.
B12.
As we know, B12 deficiency can contribute too many anxiety disorders caused by stress, such as hormonal imbalances, blood sugar fluctuations, chronic fatigue, depression, irritability, moodiness, nervousness. To eat more salmon, seafood, sea vegetables (if we don’t eat meat) will help. A detailed plan with suggestions for reducing stress overload you can find in my eBook “ DeStress-101-Survival Kit for Busy Women”

II. The second step in helping us feel better and be healthier during Winter is to boost our immune system with winter holistic detox.
For a quick detox drink, drink more water (filtered of course!) – it helps us eliminate more toxins. You can also drink teas with Dandelion, Nettles, Ginger, Burdock Root.
Also, try sifting from the most congesting foods (sweets, diary products, bread, fats, fried foods, refined flours, meats, hydrogenated fats, drugs) to the least (fruits and vegetables, grains, nuts and legumes), which can help with holistic weight loss detox cleansing of your body to bring it into balance.
And we don’t need an excuse to wait for spring to a herbal cleanse of our bodies, because we can use healthy detox super foods, such as apples, beets, celery, squashes, garlic, carrots, onions, green leafy vegetables, lemons, oranges, parsley, seaweed, beans as well as detoxifying spices like turmeric, coriander, fennel, cumin right now.
We need to include these fantastic detox whole foods in our routine and use one or two every day. Why? Because these detox foods can purify our blood, purify and protect our liver, and cleanse our intestines. More on Super Simple Detox – in the detox eBook “Detox – 101“

Never forget that it is also very important to avoid certain foods if you want to stay healthy and not to get colds. My article “Super Foods to Avoid...” has a list of foods to stay away from.

It is Winter, so slow down, relax and enjoy.

Meanwhile, breathe, smile and be happy,

© Irina Wardas, HHC

Women’s Holistic Health, Nutrition and Relationship Expert
NaturalCounselor.com

Relationship Healing Meditation

2010-11-28T13:31:00.000-08:00

Relationship Healing Meditation

How to Do Crunches to Flatten Your Stomach: Exercises That Work | eHow.com

2010-11-13T11:06:00.000-08:00

How to Do Crunches to Flatten Your Stomach: Exercises That Work | eHow.com

A Happier You by Eckart Tolle

2010-10-29T11:59:00.001-07:00

A Happier You
By Eckhart Tolle
The greatest goal you can set this year is to make peace with your life, no matter your circumstances. These 10 powerful insights from Eckhart Tolle will get you started.

Don't seek happiness. If you seek it, you won't find it, because seeking is the antithesis of happiness. Happiness is ever elusive, but freedom from unhappiness is attainable now, by facing what is rather than making up stories about it.

The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which always is as it is. There is the situation or the fact, and here are my thoughts about it. Instead of making up stories, stay with the facts. For example, "I am ruined" is a story. It limits you and prevents you from taking effective action. "I have 50 cents left in my bank account" is a fact. Facing facts is always empowering.

See if you can catch the voice in your head, perhaps in the very moment it complains about something, and recognize it for what it is: the voice of the ego, no more than a thought. Whenever you notice that voice, you will also realize that you are not the voice, but the one who is aware of it. In fact, you are the awareness that is aware of the voice. In the background, there is the awareness. In the foreground, there is the voice, the thinker. In this way you are becoming free of the ego, free of the unobserved mind.

Wherever you look, there is plenty of circumstantial evidence for the reality of time—a rotting apple, your face in the bathroom mirror compared with your face in a photo taken 30 years ago—yet you never find any direct evidence, you never experience time itself. You only ever experience the present moment.

Why do anxiety, stress, or negativity arise? Because you turned away from the present moment. And why did you do that? You thought something else was more important. One small error, one misperception, creates a world of suffering.

People believe themselves to be dependent on what happens for their happiness. They don't realize that what happens is the most unstable thing in the universe. It changes constantly. They look upon the present moment as either marred by something that has happened and shouldn't have or as deficient because of something that has not happened but should have. And so they miss the deeper perfection that is inherent in life itself, a perfection that lies beyond what is happening or not happening. Accept the present moment and find the perfection that is untouched by time.

The more shared past there is in a relationship, the more present you need to be; otherwise, you will be forced to relive the past again and again.

Equating the physical body with "I," the body that is destined to grow old, wither, and die, always leads to suffering. To refrain from identifying with the body doesn't mean that you no longer care for it. If it is strong, beautiful, or vigorous, you can appreciate those attributes—while they last. You can also improve the body's condition through nutrition and exercise. If you don't equate the body with who you are, when beauty fades, vigor diminishes, or the body becomes incapacitated, this will not affect your sense of worth or identity in any way. In fact, as the body begins to weaken, the light of consciousness can shine more easily.

You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you and allowing that goodness to emerge.

If peace is really what you want, then you will choose peace.

Exerpted from Oneness with All Life by Eckhart Tolle. Published by arrangement with Dutton, a member of Penguin Group (USA), Inc. Copywright © 2008 by Eckhart Tolle

Are You Alkaline?

2010-10-22T13:51:00.000-07:00

http://tv.braveheartwomen.com/?bcpid=5094621001&bclid=46630878001&bctid=81960878001

What You Don't Have to Accept

2010-10-08T13:00:00.000-07:00

What You Don't Have to Accept
Written by Gina Lake
Acceptance is an important spiritual teaching because the ego is so unaccepting of the way life is. Therefore, acceptance can move us out of the ego and into Essence, which accepts whatever is going on. Acceptance is a spiritual tool that counteracts, or neutralizes, the ego and drops us into Essence. Acceptance, however, doesn't mean doing nothing about whatever is going on; it means that you accept whatever is going on, and then you respond to that from Essence. Not accepting what is going on keeps you identified with the ego and its solutions to whatever is going on. That's why acceptance is important—because it drops us into Essence, which knows how to respond kindly, compassionately, and wisely to any situation. If you don't want the ego making your decisions about what to do about whatever is going on, then first accept that it's going on, then see how Essence moves you in the moment to respond.

People often assume that accepting a situation means not attempting to change it or not removing yourself from it. That is a key misunderstanding. For instance, if someone is criticizing you or acting unkindly or abusively to you, you accept that that is happening (because it is!), and then you respond from Essence. That response is likely to be a rational one, not an emotional one, since the ego is the generator of emotions. Essence might express compassion or say something to the person who is being unkind or abusive to calm him or her or bring peace to the situation. Or Essence might remove you from the situation without saying a word. Or perhaps there is something to be learned from the situation that will register within you intuitively, which you will be able to catch if you aren't caught up in a negative emotion. But I want to be very clear that Essence doesn't accept abuse or unkindness. It accepts that unkindness is happening, but it doesn't allow it to continue, although it doesn't respond abusively or unkindly to it. This is an important distinction.

The ego responds automatically to unkindness and abuse in primarily two ways, both of which are dysfunctional: It responds by getting angry and judging, criticizing, or in some other way trying to hurt the abusive person. Or, if your ego has a self-image of unworthiness or of being a victim, then you accept the abuse, blame yourself for it, feel sad and worthless, and do nothing to stop it or remove yourself from the situation. If your parents or other people in your childhood have been unkind to you, then you probably have an egoic mind that is unkind to you (i.e., you have a lot of negative thoughts about yourself), and you are likely to accept unkind treatment from others because that's what you are used to and what you expect or think is normal or what you think you deserve.

No one can succeed at hurting you if you don't allow it. That is the good news. People can and do criticize and judge us all the time. But if it is the primary way someone is interacting with you, then acceptance means accepting that is happening and then also accepting that you don't like it and aren't willing to allow yourself to be abused and then giving yourself the gift of getting out of that environment.

When I talk about acceptance in my book Loving in the Moment, I'm talking about accepting other people's differences and conditioning (how they do things differently from you), not accepting criticism, blame, anger, judgment, or abuse on an ongoing basis. Yes, some of this negativity occurs in every relationship, but if that is what is primarily going on in your relationship, then Essence is wise enough to choose a more loving environment, even if it means being alone. Essence accepts that egos can be mean and nasty, but it does whatever is necessary to create an inner and outer environment in which peace and love can thrive. Essence moves, always, in the direction of love, and that means loving yourself enough to not accept unkindness and abuse.

By the way, not accepting negative behavior is also in the abusive person's highest good because that person needs to understand the impact of such behavior and not have it reinforced by you. This is why we send children to their room when they misbehave, isn't it? In doing this, we say, "I love you and accept you, but this behavior is unacceptable." We want to distance ourselves from a child who behaves badly by isolating them, and this accomplishes two things: The behavior is not reinforced and we are saying no to participating in a negative environment and yes to creating a more loving one.

Cut Your Calories in Half

2010-10-07T14:34:00.000-07:00

5 Easy Ways to Cut Your Calories in Half
By Liz Brody

Getting Started: For one week, keep a food diary: Every time you put something in your mouth, record the time, the food, how much you ate, and how you felt afterward (still hungry, full, satisfied, etc.). Most people don't realize how much they're eating until they write it down.

In an ideal world: A woman eats only when she's hungry. She has no obsessive tendencies toward food. And her diet is 15 to 25 percent protein; 20 to 30 percent fat, of which no more than 10 percent is saturated fat; and 45 to 60 percent vegetables, fruits, and whole grains, with small amounts of white starches like pasta and sugar.

Let's get real: That woman is a rare species. So if you're not hitting all the marks, don't beat yourself up; at least you've got a lot of dinner companions. If you tend to feel really guilty when you eat a "bad" food (ice cream, chocolate) and maybe even punish yourself by doubling your workout or skipping dinner that night, Alice Domar, PhD, director of the Mind/Body Center for Women's Health at Boston IVF, suggests trying to develop a kinder attitude toward food—for the sake of your mind as well as your body. One strategy is to follow an 80/20 plan of eating. "If 80 percent of what you eat is the really good stuff—fruits, whole grains—the other 20 percent can be the foods you really want," Domar says. "In other words, one Krispy Kreme is nothing to feel guilty about. It's in your 20 percent."

Take a step: Domar suggests trying to make one change in your diet this month. That's one—not two or three. The idea is to make that change in increments, each week building on the last, so it's as painless as possible. Pick from the following:

If you take cream in your coffee: Week one, switch to whole milk; week two, use 2 percent fat milk; week three, 1 percent; week four, nonfat.

To increase your grains: Go from white bread to sourdough or Italian bread, then to fortified bread, then to whole grain bread.

If you cook a lot with hamburger, switch from full-fat meat to lower fat, then lean, then mix in some ground turkey, and finally use the turkey with very little or no beef.

For ice cream addicts: Switch from your premium scoop to a supermarket brand, then low-fat ice cream or yogurt, then sorbet.

Instead of drinking soda: Fill a glass three-quarters full with your favorite juice and the rest seltzer; then mix them half and half, then one-quarter juice and three-quarters seltzer, and finally try no-calorie flavored bubbly water.

More ways to cut calories:
The skinny on Alli: Does it really work?
What diet is right for you? Take our diet quiz
Dr. Katz's 10 easy food switches