10 Ways to Spring Clean Your Soul
By Taryn Galewind
Let Go of Things That No Longer Serve
Spring is a time of rebirth and renewal. Clean breezes billow through your curtains as purifying sunlight washes walls and floors, lifting your mood and energizing you. You grab a broom, a dust cloth, and organic cleansers to spiff up your home, your sanctuary. Great—but attend to spiritual spring cleaning, too. Recognize what doesn’t serve you anymore, and let go.
How do you decide what no longer serves a positive function? Consider some soulful spring cleaning exercises.
1. Renew your senses to enhance your perceptions. Listen to beautiful music or meditations. Fill a personal space with colorful cut flowers. Assemble delightfully tactile objects—a feather, silk, exotic lotion. Sit in a quiet spot and handle them, fully sensing textures, fully enjoying contours. Savor gourmet food or beverage. Sample the scents of premier essential oils.
2. Dust off your relationships. Analyze relationships that are causing stress. Determine, with your intuition or with professional help, whether you can repair issues of concern. If so, renew your commitment and clean up old baggage. If it becomes apparent repairs are not possible, muster up strength to let go. No excuses.
3. Kill the weeds in your spiritual garden. Analyze your own attitudes and behaviors. Want to grow in spirit? Pull out negative thoughts and discard. Pluck out pettiness, cultivate generosity, grow a positive outlook. Take a good look at how you see your world and be sure you allow yourself to grow spiritually strong.
4. Take out the trash. Look carefully at what activities occupy your time. Are they worthwhile? Do you or others receive strength from what you do, or do your waste time? Do you burden yourself with too much senseless activity? Pare down your schedule, making time to nurture yourself.
5. A new broom sweeps clean. Open your heart, mind, and spirit; use a psychic broom to sweep out guilt, resentment, criticism, and intolerance. Promise yourself a rebirth of blessed and golden thoughts toward yourself and toward others.
6. Remodel your physical well being. Consider the things you put into your body—the entity that houses your spirit. Allow no poisons in. Smoke. Alcohol. Chemicals. Discover the extreme pleasure of choosing natural, pure, organic foods. You’ll find sensuous tastes, pleasing textures, and a new feeling of wellness.
7. Air out grievances. If there are long-standing issues between you and another person, meditate on a solution. Then, approach that person with love, warmth, and honesty. Share the solution. Mend fences. Let go of the grievance. I promise you will feel renewed.
8. Recognize your capabilities. Instead of putting pressure on yourself to excel at everything, let go of those expectations that cannot be met. Strive for your personal best in that which is in tune with your talents, and let others shine where you can’t. Healthy self-esteem comes from valuing your skills and recognizing your weaknesses.
9. Forgive yourself and others. Make peace with the past and seek joy in the future. Forgive and let go of personal failures, social disappointments, transgressions by others, or any other shortcomings. Let go and move on.
10. Cast away fear. Reach inside yourself for the strength to live each day to its fullest. You can set aside your fears and experience all the world and the universe have to offer. Clear the cobwebs of old habits and be open to new people and experiences. How else can you grow and learn?
We are here a short while, and then we move on. Airing out our spirit’s house allows us to embrace so much that is here for our enrichment. If you embrace the wonder and beauty of spring and make yourself a part of the timeless renewal, your world will shine a little brighter and your soul will flourish.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
23 Energy-Boosters
23 Get-You-Through-the-Day Energy-Boosters
Rev-ups and Rechargers
By Liz Brody
O, The Oprah Magazine
We crave it, lust after it, would give our firstborn for it (especially our just-born). Energy is the hot currency in this breathless, sleep-deprived, 100-miles-per-hour world.
Acupuncturist and herbalist Christopher Hobbs attributes our energy shortage to mismanagement. "We take great care in running our finances, but we never think about managing our energy," he says. Using the bank analogy, the three key questions to ask yourself are: How can you increase the day-to-day amount you have available? How can you add to your savings account—your deeper reserves? And is there any way to use it all more efficiently? "The amount we have on tap would surprise most people," Hobbs says. He and the rest of a team of 15 medical experts O brought together to lead us toward better health have a host of ideas about how to infuse a little more energy into each day.
1. Make a list of everything you plan to do today: In Column A, include the activities that drain you; in column B, those that replenish you. Now figure out how to remove one item from A and add one to B.
2. Don't even think about having a bagel or doughnut (refined carbs) for breakfast. Complex carbs, especially uncooked ones (like muesli), and a bit of protein will give you slow, sustained energy.
3. Take an extra step—and 499 more. "Exercise gets your heart pumping more blood to the muscles," says internist Marianne Legato, MD. "It's one of the best antidotes to fatigue."
4. Plug into a great memory of you bursting with excitement—your first crush, a big promotion. Relive it in your mind. "Enthusiasm, radiance, joy—these energetic states come from happy emotions," says stress expert Alice Domar, PhD.
5. Get a blood test for both low thyroid function and anemia—two of the most common, and treatable, causes of fatigue.
6. When you get home from work, stretch for five minutes. "It takes energy to hold our muscles tight—a big waster," Hobbs says.
7. Don't turn on the TV for 24 hours. "Television," Domar says, "can suck the energy right out of you."
8. Assign one of your regular chores to another member of your household. If you live alone, is there one task (laundry, dog walking) you can hire someone to do?
9. Do you spend your mornings hooked up to a coffee mug? Try smaller amounts of caffeine—you may feel more acceleration with less. Or switch to green tea, which has some caffeine and lots of cancer-fighting antioxidants.
10. If you have the opportunity, flirt, even if you're in a wonderful relationship. Innocently catching a man's eye and offering some acknowledgment creates a charge.
11. Want pure invigoration? Jump rope for three minutes. Or just jump in place. "There's nothing on the planet better than getting up and moving," says nutrition and metabolism expert Pamela Peeke, MD.
12. Get a half hour—even better, an hour—more sleep and just see what it feels like.
(cont. in post below)
Rev-ups and Rechargers
By Liz Brody
O, The Oprah Magazine
We crave it, lust after it, would give our firstborn for it (especially our just-born). Energy is the hot currency in this breathless, sleep-deprived, 100-miles-per-hour world.
Acupuncturist and herbalist Christopher Hobbs attributes our energy shortage to mismanagement. "We take great care in running our finances, but we never think about managing our energy," he says. Using the bank analogy, the three key questions to ask yourself are: How can you increase the day-to-day amount you have available? How can you add to your savings account—your deeper reserves? And is there any way to use it all more efficiently? "The amount we have on tap would surprise most people," Hobbs says. He and the rest of a team of 15 medical experts O brought together to lead us toward better health have a host of ideas about how to infuse a little more energy into each day.
1. Make a list of everything you plan to do today: In Column A, include the activities that drain you; in column B, those that replenish you. Now figure out how to remove one item from A and add one to B.
2. Don't even think about having a bagel or doughnut (refined carbs) for breakfast. Complex carbs, especially uncooked ones (like muesli), and a bit of protein will give you slow, sustained energy.
3. Take an extra step—and 499 more. "Exercise gets your heart pumping more blood to the muscles," says internist Marianne Legato, MD. "It's one of the best antidotes to fatigue."
4. Plug into a great memory of you bursting with excitement—your first crush, a big promotion. Relive it in your mind. "Enthusiasm, radiance, joy—these energetic states come from happy emotions," says stress expert Alice Domar, PhD.
5. Get a blood test for both low thyroid function and anemia—two of the most common, and treatable, causes of fatigue.
6. When you get home from work, stretch for five minutes. "It takes energy to hold our muscles tight—a big waster," Hobbs says.
7. Don't turn on the TV for 24 hours. "Television," Domar says, "can suck the energy right out of you."
8. Assign one of your regular chores to another member of your household. If you live alone, is there one task (laundry, dog walking) you can hire someone to do?
9. Do you spend your mornings hooked up to a coffee mug? Try smaller amounts of caffeine—you may feel more acceleration with less. Or switch to green tea, which has some caffeine and lots of cancer-fighting antioxidants.
10. If you have the opportunity, flirt, even if you're in a wonderful relationship. Innocently catching a man's eye and offering some acknowledgment creates a charge.
11. Want pure invigoration? Jump rope for three minutes. Or just jump in place. "There's nothing on the planet better than getting up and moving," says nutrition and metabolism expert Pamela Peeke, MD.
12. Get a half hour—even better, an hour—more sleep and just see what it feels like.
(cont. in post below)
Cont.
13. Think about any attachments that are depleting your emotional reserves. Are you dwelling on an ex-lover? Stewing over a grudge at work? Consider letting go.
14. Go ahead and grab an energy bar if you don't have time for a meal. But, Peeke warns, choose one with no more than 20 grams of carbohydrates and two grams of saturated fat (two to six grams of total fat).
15. Write down what your purpose in life is. "You have to be going somewhere to have the energy you need to get there," says cardiologist Mehmet Oz, MD.
16. On your commute home, don't read or listen to the news. Pop your favorite rock-out album into your car stereo or portable CD player and amp it up.
17. Take a deep breath—one that feels like it fills your whole body. And let it out all the way. Take another, and one more.
18. Fill a big, beautiful bowl with equal parts water and vinegar, and add sliced cucumbers. Chill it. Throughout the day, refresh yourself with a cucumber nosh.
19. Slip on some strappy heels, a sexy bra. "Arousal," says sexuality expert Pepper Schwartz, PhD, "is like the energy you feel when you start a race. Your senses are alive, your focus is more intense, you're more aware of your body."
20. To override an energy dip, have a slice of avocado or a small handful of nuts—snacks containing healthy fats offer smooth, long-lasting octane.
21. If you're spread so thin you're just about threadbare, gaze inward: Are you using frenetic activity to avoid feeling pain? Or to mask some kind of insecurity? And are you willing to address those problems so you can restock your vitality?
22. Call up your most fun, zany friend and get a dose of enthusiasm—it's contagious. Even better, make plans to do something together.
23. Go out right now and spend some serious, or not so serious, cash on yourself. There's absolutely no science to it, but shopping has a way of reanimating you when you've run out of steam. Could it be a natural high?
14. Go ahead and grab an energy bar if you don't have time for a meal. But, Peeke warns, choose one with no more than 20 grams of carbohydrates and two grams of saturated fat (two to six grams of total fat).
15. Write down what your purpose in life is. "You have to be going somewhere to have the energy you need to get there," says cardiologist Mehmet Oz, MD.
16. On your commute home, don't read or listen to the news. Pop your favorite rock-out album into your car stereo or portable CD player and amp it up.
17. Take a deep breath—one that feels like it fills your whole body. And let it out all the way. Take another, and one more.
18. Fill a big, beautiful bowl with equal parts water and vinegar, and add sliced cucumbers. Chill it. Throughout the day, refresh yourself with a cucumber nosh.
19. Slip on some strappy heels, a sexy bra. "Arousal," says sexuality expert Pepper Schwartz, PhD, "is like the energy you feel when you start a race. Your senses are alive, your focus is more intense, you're more aware of your body."
20. To override an energy dip, have a slice of avocado or a small handful of nuts—snacks containing healthy fats offer smooth, long-lasting octane.
21. If you're spread so thin you're just about threadbare, gaze inward: Are you using frenetic activity to avoid feeling pain? Or to mask some kind of insecurity? And are you willing to address those problems so you can restock your vitality?
22. Call up your most fun, zany friend and get a dose of enthusiasm—it's contagious. Even better, make plans to do something together.
23. Go out right now and spend some serious, or not so serious, cash on yourself. There's absolutely no science to it, but shopping has a way of reanimating you when you've run out of steam. Could it be a natural high?
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Fighting Fair
7 Guidelines to Fairly Settling Disputes
By Alina Mikos
Deepen Your Bond by Improving Your Communication
Arguing is a part of all relationships, and while they are never considered an enjoyable experience, there are specific methods you can use to maximize the outcome. Arguments can either damage a relationship, or strengthen it through honesty and compromise. Read on for some valuable techniques for arguing that are wins for both of you.
1. Think Before You Speak
When tempers flare, it’s easy to allow your emotions to overrun your mind, resulting in words uttered in a moment of passion that you regret later. The greater your anger, the more you need to reflect on what you want to say for the good of the relationship. Realize that while in this moment you may be tempted to let your anger get the best of you, this will only move you further away from your goal—a positive resolution.
2. Stay on Topic
Stick to one argument as a time. Bringing up other problems only clouds the current issue and can quickly turn a small disagreement into all out war. Keep on track with the issue at hand so you can put all of your of energy into resolving the problem which landed you here in the first place.
3. Show Respect
This means no name calling, interrupting your partner, or attacking below the belt. Don’t let your anger allow you to forget the wise adage, “treat others as you wish to be treated.”
4. Put Yourself in Their Shoes
Understanding where your partner is coming from will allow you the perspective to resolve the issue more quickly. When you understand one another’s position, your empathy opens your mind to the situation and cuts through the anger that may be clouding your judgment.
5. Keep it Between Yourselves
Unless it’s a professional psychologist, bringing others into your argument is always a bad idea. No one can fully understand the depth and uniqueness of your relationship, and inviting a third voice into the mix can only complicate matters and increase your mate’s defensiveness.
6. Fight for the Relationship, Not Your Ego
Ask yourself if you are arguing for the sake of winning or for the sake of the relationship. If the end result is all about you, you can be sure that even if you win the disagreement, there’s a good chance your relationship will suffer. As partnerships are all about compromise, the only way to win is to fight for the two of you.
7. Don’t Assume, Ask
This falls under good communication rules among couples. Just as you need to be clear and honest about your thoughts and feelings, so must you listen carefully, and ask questions when there’s any doubt. Assuming you know your partner’s thoughts can erroneously put a negative and inaccurate spin on a particular situation that might otherwise be benign. It’s foolish to borrow this kind of trouble when the solution is to ask first and then maybe argue later.
By Alina Mikos
Deepen Your Bond by Improving Your Communication
Arguing is a part of all relationships, and while they are never considered an enjoyable experience, there are specific methods you can use to maximize the outcome. Arguments can either damage a relationship, or strengthen it through honesty and compromise. Read on for some valuable techniques for arguing that are wins for both of you.
1. Think Before You Speak
When tempers flare, it’s easy to allow your emotions to overrun your mind, resulting in words uttered in a moment of passion that you regret later. The greater your anger, the more you need to reflect on what you want to say for the good of the relationship. Realize that while in this moment you may be tempted to let your anger get the best of you, this will only move you further away from your goal—a positive resolution.
2. Stay on Topic
Stick to one argument as a time. Bringing up other problems only clouds the current issue and can quickly turn a small disagreement into all out war. Keep on track with the issue at hand so you can put all of your of energy into resolving the problem which landed you here in the first place.
3. Show Respect
This means no name calling, interrupting your partner, or attacking below the belt. Don’t let your anger allow you to forget the wise adage, “treat others as you wish to be treated.”
4. Put Yourself in Their Shoes
Understanding where your partner is coming from will allow you the perspective to resolve the issue more quickly. When you understand one another’s position, your empathy opens your mind to the situation and cuts through the anger that may be clouding your judgment.
5. Keep it Between Yourselves
Unless it’s a professional psychologist, bringing others into your argument is always a bad idea. No one can fully understand the depth and uniqueness of your relationship, and inviting a third voice into the mix can only complicate matters and increase your mate’s defensiveness.
6. Fight for the Relationship, Not Your Ego
Ask yourself if you are arguing for the sake of winning or for the sake of the relationship. If the end result is all about you, you can be sure that even if you win the disagreement, there’s a good chance your relationship will suffer. As partnerships are all about compromise, the only way to win is to fight for the two of you.
7. Don’t Assume, Ask
This falls under good communication rules among couples. Just as you need to be clear and honest about your thoughts and feelings, so must you listen carefully, and ask questions when there’s any doubt. Assuming you know your partner’s thoughts can erroneously put a negative and inaccurate spin on a particular situation that might otherwise be benign. It’s foolish to borrow this kind of trouble when the solution is to ask first and then maybe argue later.
Fighting Fair
7 Guidelines to Fairly Settling Disputes
By Alina Mikos
Deepen Your Bond by Improving Your Communication
Arguing is a part of all relationships, and while they are never considered an enjoyable experience, there are specific methods you can use to maximize the outcome. Arguments can either damage a relationship, or strengthen it through honesty and compromise. Read on for some valuable techniques for arguing that are wins for both of you.
1. Think Before You Speak
When tempers flare, it’s easy to allow your emotions to overrun your mind, resulting in words uttered in a moment of passion that you regret later. The greater your anger, the more you need to reflect on what you want to say for the good of the relationship. Realize that while in this moment you may be tempted to let your anger get the best of you, this will only move you further away from your goal—a positive resolution.
2. Stay on Topic
Stick to one argument as a time. Bringing up other problems only clouds the current issue and can quickly turn a small disagreement into all out war. Keep on track with the issue at hand so you can put all of your of energy into resolving the problem which landed you here in the first place.
3. Show Respect
This means no name calling, interrupting your partner, or attacking below the belt. Don’t let your anger allow you to forget the wise adage, “treat others as you wish to be treated.”
4. Put Yourself in Their Shoes
Understanding where your partner is coming from will allow you the perspective to resolve the issue more quickly. When you understand one another’s position, your empathy opens your mind to the situation and cuts through the anger that may be clouding your judgment.
5. Keep it Between Yourselves
Unless it’s a professional psychologist, bringing others into your argument is always a bad idea. No one can fully understand the depth and uniqueness of your relationship, and inviting a third voice into the mix can only complicate matters and increase your mate’s defensiveness.
6. Fight for the Relationship, Not Your Ego
Ask yourself if you are arguing for the sake of winning or for the sake of the relationship. If the end result is all about you, you can be sure that even if you win the disagreement, there’s a good chance your relationship will suffer. As partnerships are all about compromise, the only way to win is to fight for the two of you.
7. Don’t Assume, Ask
This falls under good communication rules among couples. Just as you need to be clear and honest about your thoughts and feelings, so must you listen carefully, and ask questions when there’s any doubt. Assuming you know your partner’s thoughts can erroneously put a negative and inaccurate spin on a particular situation that might otherwise be benign. It’s foolish to borrow this kind of trouble when the solution is to ask first and then maybe argue later.
By Alina Mikos
Deepen Your Bond by Improving Your Communication
Arguing is a part of all relationships, and while they are never considered an enjoyable experience, there are specific methods you can use to maximize the outcome. Arguments can either damage a relationship, or strengthen it through honesty and compromise. Read on for some valuable techniques for arguing that are wins for both of you.
1. Think Before You Speak
When tempers flare, it’s easy to allow your emotions to overrun your mind, resulting in words uttered in a moment of passion that you regret later. The greater your anger, the more you need to reflect on what you want to say for the good of the relationship. Realize that while in this moment you may be tempted to let your anger get the best of you, this will only move you further away from your goal—a positive resolution.
2. Stay on Topic
Stick to one argument as a time. Bringing up other problems only clouds the current issue and can quickly turn a small disagreement into all out war. Keep on track with the issue at hand so you can put all of your of energy into resolving the problem which landed you here in the first place.
3. Show Respect
This means no name calling, interrupting your partner, or attacking below the belt. Don’t let your anger allow you to forget the wise adage, “treat others as you wish to be treated.”
4. Put Yourself in Their Shoes
Understanding where your partner is coming from will allow you the perspective to resolve the issue more quickly. When you understand one another’s position, your empathy opens your mind to the situation and cuts through the anger that may be clouding your judgment.
5. Keep it Between Yourselves
Unless it’s a professional psychologist, bringing others into your argument is always a bad idea. No one can fully understand the depth and uniqueness of your relationship, and inviting a third voice into the mix can only complicate matters and increase your mate’s defensiveness.
6. Fight for the Relationship, Not Your Ego
Ask yourself if you are arguing for the sake of winning or for the sake of the relationship. If the end result is all about you, you can be sure that even if you win the disagreement, there’s a good chance your relationship will suffer. As partnerships are all about compromise, the only way to win is to fight for the two of you.
7. Don’t Assume, Ask
This falls under good communication rules among couples. Just as you need to be clear and honest about your thoughts and feelings, so must you listen carefully, and ask questions when there’s any doubt. Assuming you know your partner’s thoughts can erroneously put a negative and inaccurate spin on a particular situation that might otherwise be benign. It’s foolish to borrow this kind of trouble when the solution is to ask first and then maybe argue later.
Monday, May 2, 2011
5 Ways We Self-Sabotage
5 Ways We Self-Sabotage
December 13, 2010 at 11:00 am
By Alina Mikos
Sabotage is easily recognized when the enemy is known to us: a competitive co-worker, a nasty ex-lover, or a jealous family member. However, the real challenge we face is from the enemy within. Read on for simple suggestions that will keep your inner saboteur in check…
1. Negative Self-Talk
Thought of by some as the “the devil on their shoulder,” this destructive inner voice wreaks havoc on a person’s self-esteem. All too often, this negative inner voice is so entrenched in your ego that you do not recognize when it is spouting its nasty insults and tearing down your feelings of self-worth. This destructive internal dialogue ensues during both the good and the bad events in your life, and is always there either to rain on your parade, or to drag you down into sadness or depression. Maybe you received a promotion at work, but instead of feeling proud of yourself, that little voice whispers that you won’t be able to live up to the challenge because you’re not smart enough; or perhaps you got in a car accident, and instead of being grateful everyone is OK, you can only focus on how inept you are to have crashed in the first place.
Beware, too, of self-fulfilling prophecies. The power of the mind is an awesome thing, and if you go around all day thinking that you will never succeed in getting what you want, you will do subconscious things every moment that sabotage those desires.
2. Fear Takes Over
Fear of the unknown can be a powerful motivator in the life choices you make and the chances you take. Venturing outside of your comfort zone, changing old ways of thinking, takes courage. It is much easier to stay in a dead-end job or an unhealthy relationship than to give up those old safety nets and take the plunge into something completely new. Life changes are good things, allowing people to grow, refreshing their perspective, and providing new experiences and adventures. You might make some mistakes along the way, but opening yourself up to life’s ups, downs, and unknowns – despite your fears – transforms that fear into courage.
3. Impossible Expectations
Recognizing your limitations is not admitting weakness, but respecting and understanding your abilities enough to achieve the maximum outcome. By setting impossible timelines and expectations, you only set yourself up for failure, resulting in disappointment and self-hatred. Be honest with yourself about your abilities and strengths, and nurture and respect them by challenging yourself realistically, then allowing yourself a reward for a job well done.
4. Making Excuses
Placing blame is a common method of self-sabotage. By not taking responsibility for the kind of life you have created for yourself, you allow the unhappiness and dissatisfaction to continue indefinitely. If it is always someone else’s fault, or blamed on the “unfairness of life,” then you don’t have to do the work necessary to change it, or to admit which poor choices have led you to where you are today. But if you stand up and take full responsibility for your life, you regain the power to navigate your existence as you choose, even if that means admitting mistakes and accepting the long hard road ahead of you.
5. Guilt Trips
While having a healthy conscience is admired and appreciated, berating yourself for mistakes, mishaps and whatnot can drive anyone crazy. Learning from the past, pardoning yourself and moving on, is essential to leading a happy life. If you are constantly wracked with guilt over the past, you can hardly focus all of your attention and energy on the present; you might even make new and destructive choices based on your fear of the past.
At some point, everyone has fallen victim to self-sabotage. Recognizing when this happens, taking positive action against this self-defeating mechanism, and making an agreement with yourself to restore your own power, will surely change your life. Remember, you are what you eat, so if you eat your own negative words every day, you will become a reduced and diminished version of your own self. Or as someone wise once said: “Thoughts become words. Words become actions. Actions become habits. Habits become character. And character becomes your destiny.”
December 13, 2010 at 11:00 am
By Alina Mikos
Sabotage is easily recognized when the enemy is known to us: a competitive co-worker, a nasty ex-lover, or a jealous family member. However, the real challenge we face is from the enemy within. Read on for simple suggestions that will keep your inner saboteur in check…
1. Negative Self-Talk
Thought of by some as the “the devil on their shoulder,” this destructive inner voice wreaks havoc on a person’s self-esteem. All too often, this negative inner voice is so entrenched in your ego that you do not recognize when it is spouting its nasty insults and tearing down your feelings of self-worth. This destructive internal dialogue ensues during both the good and the bad events in your life, and is always there either to rain on your parade, or to drag you down into sadness or depression. Maybe you received a promotion at work, but instead of feeling proud of yourself, that little voice whispers that you won’t be able to live up to the challenge because you’re not smart enough; or perhaps you got in a car accident, and instead of being grateful everyone is OK, you can only focus on how inept you are to have crashed in the first place.
Beware, too, of self-fulfilling prophecies. The power of the mind is an awesome thing, and if you go around all day thinking that you will never succeed in getting what you want, you will do subconscious things every moment that sabotage those desires.
2. Fear Takes Over
Fear of the unknown can be a powerful motivator in the life choices you make and the chances you take. Venturing outside of your comfort zone, changing old ways of thinking, takes courage. It is much easier to stay in a dead-end job or an unhealthy relationship than to give up those old safety nets and take the plunge into something completely new. Life changes are good things, allowing people to grow, refreshing their perspective, and providing new experiences and adventures. You might make some mistakes along the way, but opening yourself up to life’s ups, downs, and unknowns – despite your fears – transforms that fear into courage.
3. Impossible Expectations
Recognizing your limitations is not admitting weakness, but respecting and understanding your abilities enough to achieve the maximum outcome. By setting impossible timelines and expectations, you only set yourself up for failure, resulting in disappointment and self-hatred. Be honest with yourself about your abilities and strengths, and nurture and respect them by challenging yourself realistically, then allowing yourself a reward for a job well done.
4. Making Excuses
Placing blame is a common method of self-sabotage. By not taking responsibility for the kind of life you have created for yourself, you allow the unhappiness and dissatisfaction to continue indefinitely. If it is always someone else’s fault, or blamed on the “unfairness of life,” then you don’t have to do the work necessary to change it, or to admit which poor choices have led you to where you are today. But if you stand up and take full responsibility for your life, you regain the power to navigate your existence as you choose, even if that means admitting mistakes and accepting the long hard road ahead of you.
5. Guilt Trips
While having a healthy conscience is admired and appreciated, berating yourself for mistakes, mishaps and whatnot can drive anyone crazy. Learning from the past, pardoning yourself and moving on, is essential to leading a happy life. If you are constantly wracked with guilt over the past, you can hardly focus all of your attention and energy on the present; you might even make new and destructive choices based on your fear of the past.
At some point, everyone has fallen victim to self-sabotage. Recognizing when this happens, taking positive action against this self-defeating mechanism, and making an agreement with yourself to restore your own power, will surely change your life. Remember, you are what you eat, so if you eat your own negative words every day, you will become a reduced and diminished version of your own self. Or as someone wise once said: “Thoughts become words. Words become actions. Actions become habits. Habits become character. And character becomes your destiny.”
Find Your Emotional Balance
How to Find Your Emotional Balance
By Liz Brody
O, The Oprah Magazine
No matter where you are on your emotional surfboard (even if you're off it), these mood-steadying strategies make for easier riding.
1. Mind Rx: Taking a break—imaginary or real—can help settle emotions on a bumpy day.
2. Daydream: "When you think about pleasurable things like sex or food, PET scans show different patterns lighting up in your brain than when you think about work or something unpleasant," says Mehmet Oz, MD, director of the Cardiovascular Institute at Columbia Presbyterian Medical Center.
3. Fake it: Research shows that when you put on a smile, even a forced one, your mood often follows. Hold your head high, walk confidently, pretend you're Serena Williams after winning the Grand Slam.
4. Listen to music: Put on a pair of headphones and let yourself get carried away.
5. Go to a bookstore and just browse. "Look at travel books, photography books," suggests Byllye Avery, founder of the National Black Women's Health Project. "Dip into some fiction and let your mind go there."
6. Run away: Spas are ideal, Snyderman says (when she books herself for a quick getaway, she tells her kids to "call only in an emergency—and homework doesn't count"). But you can also escape to a friend's house for the weekend, get in the car and just drive, or take a day to be a tourist in your own town.
By Liz Brody
O, The Oprah Magazine
No matter where you are on your emotional surfboard (even if you're off it), these mood-steadying strategies make for easier riding.
1. Mind Rx: Taking a break—imaginary or real—can help settle emotions on a bumpy day.
2. Daydream: "When you think about pleasurable things like sex or food, PET scans show different patterns lighting up in your brain than when you think about work or something unpleasant," says Mehmet Oz, MD, director of the Cardiovascular Institute at Columbia Presbyterian Medical Center.
3. Fake it: Research shows that when you put on a smile, even a forced one, your mood often follows. Hold your head high, walk confidently, pretend you're Serena Williams after winning the Grand Slam.
4. Listen to music: Put on a pair of headphones and let yourself get carried away.
5. Go to a bookstore and just browse. "Look at travel books, photography books," suggests Byllye Avery, founder of the National Black Women's Health Project. "Dip into some fiction and let your mind go there."
6. Run away: Spas are ideal, Snyderman says (when she books herself for a quick getaway, she tells her kids to "call only in an emergency—and homework doesn't count"). But you can also escape to a friend's house for the weekend, get in the car and just drive, or take a day to be a tourist in your own town.
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